The Beauty of Conflict

Dear Reader,

When was the last time you moved with purpose and intent towards conflict?

I asked one of my favorite people how they felt about conflict. They replied, “I don’t mind it... if I am the one creating it. Anyone else though, I hate it.” The comment made me laugh and felt so true. How human is that?

Conflict often carries an intense feeling, history, and meaning within it and surrounding it. When I have conflict within a relationship, I feel it in my heart space. A dumbbell sitting on my heart, compressing my lungs, making each breath a little tighter. A deep breath stretches the tissue around this constriction, yet the release is slight.

Conflict can feel and look like so many things. When we are averse to it, we can physically push away from it. I notice people move back, inches or feet, leave a room, exit a building, get in a car and drive away, leave the state, flee the country, or completely shut down emotionally and mentally.

I have lost entire relationships over the inability to face conflict. My inability and the incapability of others. A truth is that even if one person can manage conflict face-on, others need to be able to participate in some capacity.

A personal trigger for me is this statement to me from anyone: “We need to talk.” Easily, this could mean anything. They might have a cookie recipe they want to share with me. And…it doesn’t matter. This sentence is ingrained in me to mean conflict is coming. Emotionally and mentally, I pack my bags, book a flight, and flee to New Zealand within the hour.

I work on this reaction constantly. The reaction seems consistent. My response is evolving. The fleeing is less likely to occur with the intentional work. I don’t always win. I don’t always love how I show up. I am not giving up on myself.

A dear friend of mine works at an organization that celebrates conflict. When she shared this with me, my head spun, quite literally at her. I immediately asked her to say more, share more, and tell me everything about how they celebrated conflict. She did.

I understand the meaning behind the words they chose and the why. When I sat with the word “celebrate” and her share, I thought it was more of a goal because of the work they do day-to-day and the difficulty getting to the celebration is tough. They have a lot of growth, and it is quite painful.

Conflict is not easy to navigate. Conflict is innately quite painful. Conflict is quite uncomfortable.

The beauty of conflict is the unfolding of potential when you engage with honesty.

The beauty of conflict is an unveiling of our inner selves when we open ourselves up to the process.

The beauty of conflict is the possibility of something new on the other side. An awakening to a version of ourselves we have never met. An introduction to a lens on being human that we have never considered.

The beauty of conflict is the absolute deconstruction of self that occurs when we submit to the process.

The beauty of conflict is the immense opportunity for growth.

If we are brave enough to walk towards it.

Warmly,

A Woman Who Will Not Run If You Say “We Need to Talk”….Today.

(tomorrow...who knows)