"No" beats "Don't Know"

Or "Why it's sometimes a good idea to disappoint people".

We all like to please people; partners, children and friends alike.  But we all too often make the mistake of trying to over-please them.

Any parent knows the feeling - your child asks to do something or go somewhere (in our family it's a local bird sanctuary - we pass the sign every time we drive to their grandparents', but we've never actually been...) and you say "maybe" or "not now, another time".  You know, and they quickly learn that this means "No", you just don't want to disappoint by ruling it out so completely.

We do this with customers too, particularly when we're talking about enhancements to products - they say "Can we have it in blue?" and the real answer is "Don't be crazy; that's 1000 man-hours work, you're the only people in the world who've asked for it, and it isn't on our puce road-map!", but we say something like "I'll ask Product Management" or "We'll consider that for a future release".  All because we're terrified of disappointing them and hurting the relationship.

This was brought home to me a while ago when I was discussing enhancements with a senior customer exec.  When I started to equivocate about something, he just came out and said "Look, if you're not going to do it, say so.  If we *know* it's not on your radar we can get on with finding a customized solution, but all the time you say 'Maybe' we don't want to make that investment just in case you decide to do it after all!"

So now we know what every parent knows; it's better to be realistic and honest than to try to waffle your way out of the question - yes you may disappoint in the short term, but the honesty will be appreciated and reciprocated and when you DO say you'll consider something they'll know that you mean it.

This weekend we might even get to the bird sanctuary...