Beat Rejection. Move on.

Michael Kane is a career coach in Hyannis, MA. He can be reached at [email protected].

Not every day is going to be sunshine. In business, job searches and life in general, we will get a lot of no’s, even more maybe’s and whole heckload of we’ll sees. How we view these forms of rejection or delays will have a lot to say about our ability to drive forward and break through. Let’s look at a few helpful ways of looking at these obstacles. Different situations will require different lenses, so let’s look at a few.

1. It's just data

Information will inform your future decisions and increase your odds of success. It will inspire you to move on good things, and will influence you to avoid failing tactics. If you have a calm, measured attitude towards rejection, you can use the circumstances and messages to gauge what worked, and when and how. You can also A/B test new messages and approaches. Rejection contains data that works for you in the future.

2. You need the REPS

There’s no way to get to where you want without a thick skin, and there’s no way to get a thick skin but to take the lumps. Do the work. Embrace the suck. As you test approaches, just know that you cannot get better at asking for what you want or making introductions from simply reading a book or an article. You will likely not build muscle without lifting weights and eating properly. This is no different. You want to get better at the game? Practice.

3. Move on and move up

My buddy Bob Evans always says, “No music, no dance.” In other words, no matter how good an opportunity looks, if you aren’t wanted, don’t hang around. Respect the no. We must be intelligent with our resources (time, energy, money, willpower) and know when to cut bait. Moving on, like asking, testing and giving, is a skill – a muscle that we must work.

It may seem cold-hearted in a way, but it is necessary for us to thrive. Think about this: Every bar has at least one guy talking about that girl he dated back in high school or college and how he missed out on his one chance to be happy. Maybe, but not because she left him, but because he never let her go and built a wall around himself. Let’s practice letting things go. Not everything is for us, and that is ok. Sometimes, the job stinks. The dream can be for just a season. Move on and move up.

This week, let’s try three new exercises. I’m not a doctor or a mental health professional, just someone who’s made all the mistakes.

1. Write down some common denominators from your successful interactions. On another sheet, write down the common denominators from your unsuccessful interactions. See if you can identify patterns that you can test.

2. Go to a bar or restaurant and introduce yourself to people. Start with 5 folks. Try to mix up the age and genders a bit, taking attraction out of the equation. Listen intently and internalize the fact that people don’t generally bite.

3. Make two lists. First, write down 5 things that you need to forgive yourself for. Really think on them. If you need to apologize to or make amends with someone, go ahead and do that. Then, let it go. If it helps to rip up the paper or bury it in the yard, go ahead. The second list is a list of goals that no longer serve you and relationships that are no longer healthy. You don’t have to call anybody. Cross out the goals and realize that you now can focus on your most urgent missions. As for the broken relationships, take a minute to grateful for when these relationships were healthy, and move on. Don’t post it on social media or send long emails. This is about your heart.

Make networking fun and realize that while rejection is a part of the game, you don’t have to let it hurt forever. You can think, practice and move on, and find success.

All the best,

Michael Kane - Kane Mills Media - [email protected]