Beat Down or Build Up?

Hors d’Oeuvres: Two Quotes for Starters

Anybody catch Ian Nason’s piece in the Press last Thursday?

“I was beaten more than once at school and it taught me to obey orders or restrictions, but I do not have any known scars and I have never thought about claiming that I had a mental health problem that I know of. It was considered as part of growing up and becoming a man. Is this not the same for the modern generation or are they different from us ‘oldies’?”

And this, a message I received from an old friend:

“You’ve gone soft lad. Kids need a clip round the ear lad. We’ve lost our way. English n maffs didn’t do us any wrong mate.”

Main Course of Musing

Dare I say, with the risk of sounding stridently progressive: I believe we have come a long way from the time of beating young people into compliance.

When my old man reminisces about his own beatings as a schoolchild, he always mentions the precious few teachers who didn’t shout and berate and beat the children.

Even in rural Ireland six decades ago, there were souls who could imagine and practice commanding respect through consistent care and presence, rather than demanding it, or else a cane for the palm or clout about the head.

Yet I feel we may still have further to go.

Kids are too often cajoled and berated and reprimanded, not nurtured and encouraged and inspired.

It is not hard to spot the difference between the kids who were raised in these different ways.

The priority should be, in my humble opinion, building genuine connections between them and consistent, caregiving adults.

The kids raised by way of castigation need to be built from the ground up, not beaten down further.

This takes both time and patience, two increasingly rare and precious commodities.

Two Sweets: Two Quotes to Fill Your Heart

Here are two quotes from a friend and a colleague, both working in pastoral roles:

“If you don’t have foundations within your life then what’s the point! You be amen’ing in my staff meetings. I say things like I don’t want to hear anyone asking why a child is late?! I want to hear you saying it’s so nice to see you!”

“I was going to put him on report card but his stress levels went through the roof and I will be honest, I think punishments at the moment is not the right thing for him. He needs a buddy… and role model.”

Tell me what you think, please: do the kids to whom they refer need to be berated or beaten instead?