Battling Entitlement | Part 1

“You should be grateful!”

That phrase is often said in frustration or anger following a complaint about a situation. At best, the person talking to you wants to encourage a new perspective. More often, it’s someone feeling unappreciated by your critique, “You should be thankful you even have a job!” At worst, it’s gaslighting—meaning that, as the person complaining, you are not entitled to your feelings, and/or your observation is unfounded. Commanding someone to be grateful never works.

That’s why battling entitlement can be tricky. It gets tied up with shame about not being grateful enough or being accused of being selfish.

Still, developing a sense of gratitude, on your terms, is key to helping practice Guardrail # 4: Battle Entitlement so that, rather than stalling along our current S Curve, you and I, our teams, and our organizations can make progress, experiencing true growth.

Three Types of Entitlement

#1 | Cultural Entitlement: That’s where we are blind to perspectives from other cultures because we have it all “figured out.”

• How to confront: It can be as big as transplanting yourself into a new culture, or it can be as simple as expanding your personal and professional network to people not like you in order to gain new perspectives.

#2 | Intellectual Entitlement: This one is hard to detect, but it usually shows up as the rejection of an idea coming from a source that is considered “beneath” us. For example, if a community college came up with a great new process to help people learn science, it would have a hard time getting traction in research universities. Another version of intellectual entitlement is that you don’t want to listen because you don’t want to hear what “they” have to say.

• How to confront: Practice hearing dissenting voices. Yes, this one is easier said than done, but it is important. This could be done by shifting your perspective; view a competitor as an ally when considering how to accomplish your objectives. Or simply by giving the neophyte in the room the benefit of the doubt.

#3 | Emotional Entitlement: This is when we feel are owed something by life, deserve more than our colleagues, or think we should get something just because of our preserved status.

• How to confront: Gratitude.

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them." - John F. Kennedy

Next week the United States is celebrating Thanksgiving. That means there are a lot of people that will be talking about what they are “thankful” for, which is great, but can feel a little forced.

In my book Disrupt Yourself I share a quote from Eric Hoffer, a Depression-era migrant worker who said, “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”

So, how can you practice gratitude that doesn’t feel forced or based on some shame?

By starting small. At the end of each day, bring to mind something you are thankful for. It can be anything, it’s up to you. Could be your job, spouse, kids, the crisp fall air, a hot shower, or how your cat purrs. It all counts.

Another helpful tool, is to keep a gratitude journal. Research has shown that putting five things you are grateful for in a journal once per week, with a sentence describing each, can have big impacts. You can go deeper and start a daily gratitude journal. That’s where you are grateful for three things each day.

Can you really find that much gratitude?

While it might seem a bit daunting at first, once you start exercising intentional gratitude, the very act exposes how much in your world you appreciate. These things were likely always present however, you may not have been aware of how you felt about them. 

When we are grateful, we stop competing for what we don't have, and start creating with what we do have.

When you battle entitlement, you and your growth are the victor.

What’s one thing that you can be thankful for right now? How could being grateful for your colleagues, workplace, friends, and neighbors change how you experience them? What are five things you are grateful for this week? What would it take for you to start a gratitude practice?

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Whitney Johnson is the CEO of human capital consultancy WLJ Advisors, an Inc. 5000 2020 fastest-growing private company in America, and was selected as a LinkedIn Top Voice in 2020. One of the 50 leading business thinkers in the world as named by Thinkers50, Whitney and her team are experts at helping high-growth organizations develop high-growth individuals. She is an award-winning author, world-class keynote speaker, frequent lecturer for Harvard Business School's Corporate Learning and an executive coach and advisor to CEOs. She is a popular contributor to the Harvard Business Review, has 1.8 million followers on LinkedIn, and her course on Fundamentals of Entrepreneurship has been viewed more than 1 million times. In 2017, she was selected from more than 16,000 candidates as a “Top 15 Coach” by Dr. Marshall Goldsmith.