The Battlefield of the Mind: Responding to Intrusive Thoughts
David Adams, Psy.D., BCBA-D, LPCC
Foster & Adoptive Dad (and Expert), Author, Professor, Trauma-Informed Psychologist and Behavior Analyst, Consultant, and Clinic Director
We all have intrusive, negative thoughts from time to time. It’s normal! Even emotionally healthy individuals may be bombarded with terrible, wicked thoughts at times. Unfortunately, some people incorrectly assume that a BIG PROBLEM ?exists when they have an intrusive or unwanted thought. The result may be guilt and shame. Having intrusive and unwanted thoughts may be a sign of a deeper problem, but most people ?have intrusive thoughts on a regular basis.
Jena Pincott recently wrote an article in Psychology Today about Wicked thoughts. In the article, she stated, “In a landmark experiment back in the 1980s, psychologist Eric Klinger, of the University of Minnesota, asked volunteers to record what they were thinking whenever a handheld device chirped over the course of a week. Within a 16-hour day, he found, people have about 500 thoughts that are unintentional and ‘intrusive’ and that last about 14 seconds on average. While most dealt with the concerns of everyday life, 18 percent were unacceptable, uncomfortable, or just plain bad- politically incorrect or mean thoughts. A remaining 13 percent were ugly, out of character, or downright shocking-say, murderous or perverse ideas”.
We all experience these types of thoughts. When it comes to our thoughts, there is great truth in the saying,
?? ?“We can’t stop the birds from flying around our heads, but we can stop ? ? ?
?? ? them from building their nest in our hair”.
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Here is the key: You do not have to act on your thoughts, and there are some things you can do to ensure your intrusive thoughts do not take root. Remember this: your intrusive thoughts do not automatically equate to desire. ?Your thoughts DO NOT have to have any effect on what you do. In fact, if I were to act upon all my thoughts, I would likely either be dead or in prison!
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Stronghold of the mind will develop if you feed the thought, give power to the thought, act upon the thought, or allow the birds to take nest. In other words, the way you process and think about your intrusive thought determines how much that particular thought will take you captive.
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If you struggle with obsessive-compulsive symptoms
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When you have an intrusive thought (no matter how crazy it is)...accept it just as a thought without putting meaning into the thought. This is called “Radical Acceptance”. Don’t criticize or blame yourself for the thought. Stop shaming yourself for the initial thought. Give yourself permission to have the thought, but just allow it to come and go. If the thought comes back, do not be alarmed, just accept it as a thought and merely a thought. The intrusive thought has no power over you. There is no need to dwell on it. Embrace it simply as a thought and allow it bounce off you without any attached meaning. Just let the thought come and let it drift away as easily as it popped into your mind.
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Sexual, Violent, or Self-Condemning Thoughts
Don’t be alarmed if your initial thought is sexual, evil, violent, or self-condemning, just let it bounce off you without analyzing. On the other hand, if you start to focus your attention to the thought, dwell upon it, or fantasize about it, then be alarmed. This is allowing the birds to take nest! If you analyze the thought and try to establish meaning to the thought then it will likely come back even stronger. Trying to suppress a thought will only make it become stronger in your mind as well.
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Not all of your sexual, violent, or self-condemning thoughts should be viewed at face value. Just because you have a thought, it does not make it true! In other words, don't allow the birds to take nest!
In the early 2000s, Dr. David Buss did some research and discovered that 91 percent of men and 84 percent of women have homicidal thoughts.
WHAT IF THOUGHTS
If you suffer with regular bouts of anxiety, you likely play game that I call the “What if” game
?? -What if I try to stab myself with this knife?
?? - What is I were to try to take a gun and shoot someone?
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?? - What if I were to try to hurt this child?
?? - What if I were to go crazy?
?? ? ? ? Remember- if you worry you are going crazy. You likely are not.
?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Crazy people don’t worry about being crazy!
?? - What if I were to ___________________?
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Try to stay in the “here and now”, rather than focusing your attention on the worst possible outcomes. When we play the “what if” game, we typically over exaggerate the severity of things and overestimate the probability of things. No one has the crystal ball, and the “what if” game only dead ends into anxiety!
I would like to give you some specific strategies you can do and to avoid in order to stop the birds from building the nests in your hair.
AVOID DOING THIS:
1. Establish meaning to those negative, intrusive thoughts.
2. Don’t tell yourself to stop thinking about it. If I tell you to not think of a pink elephant, you will likely think of a pink elephant. Instead, use the theory of replacement or “radical acceptance.”
3. Stop feeding the thought by acting upon it.
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DO THIS:
1. Label those thoughts as “intrusive obsessive thoughts.” As the saying goes, "When you name it, you can tame it"
2. Take deep breaths until your anxiety reduces.
3. Allow your thoughts to enter without analyzing them or establishing meaning to them. Allow them to pop into your mind and exit your mind without guilt.
4. Turn the intrusive thought into a prayer.
5. Realize the power that you have ?to resist the thought.
6. Practice positive self talk
7. Replacement Techniques
8. Get accountability. Share with someone your personal struggle.
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If you struggle with obsessive thoughts with compulsive behaviors, you may want to see a therapist. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)