Battlefield to Labour Ward: lessons from operations for birth partners
Edward Owen-Burge
???? Operations Specialist and Consultant | Facilitator | Problem Solver | Former intelligence officer | Born at 347ppm
Supporting your partner as they give birth can be tricky. Whilst they demonstrate the greatest display of strength, commitment and endurance you will ever witness, you struggle to be slightly better than useless.
Are you saying the right thing, doing the right job, helping in the right way? It is certainly how I felt during the birth of our first child.
My wife recently gave birth to our second. Beforehand, I took some time to review my last attempt and found lessons from my time on operations that gave me a bit more confidence this time around.
Be a zero
As Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield describes, in any given situation you’re either a ‘plus one’, a ‘zero’ or a ‘minus one’; actively adding value, being generally competent, or a total liability who actively causes problems. Everyone wants to be a plus one, but trying to prove your brilliance is the quickest way to becoming a 'minus one'. Instead, aim for zero. Listen, observe, don’t try to take control and just do what needs to be done. Like high pressured operations, leave the heroics at the door. Be calm, dependable and predictable, and everyone will thank you for it.
Plan
Before going on operations we would plan meticulously. Not just what we wanted to do, but what could go wrong. This improved our knowledge, built confidence and prevented situations spiralling out of control. The same approach should be taken towards the birth. You don’t need to be an expert but you also don’t want to be asking what an epidural is mid contraction. Basic research and talking through possible scenarios (beyond the arrival of a baby!) will go a long way to making the event a positive experience.
Ignore the movies
Like a lot of war films, the silver screen has lied to you about labour. War is not clever puns, daring do then home for tea and medals. Similarly, birth is not three big pushes, a bit of sweating and the baby arrives pre-wrapped in a clean towel. There will be screaming, confusion, heat, blood and fear. A lot of fear. Talk to friends, be prepared and have a realistic understanding of what is going to happen.
Maintain radio silence
It may seem strange, but beyond the noise of gunfire a battle can be surprisingly quiet. That is because mindless chatter gets in the way of the critical information that needs to be relayed. If you’re trying to evacuate a casualty or get an ammunition resupply, you don’t want the opinions of everyone who has one. The labour room is no different. Beyond general encouragement, accept that you probably have nothing relevant to say. The professionals don’t need your opinion and your partner doesn’t need you confusing things.
Get a grip
You will be tired, hungry, confused, scared, on your feet for hours with no end in sight. Yet somehow you still have the easiest job in the room. This is not the time to complain, sit back or faint. Like combat, it’s not about you – it’s about the people around you and achieving the end result. I have sympathy for people feeling out of their depth. But seriously. You are doing next to nothing while everyone else is trying to bring a life into the world. So be the person your partner needs to be and get a grip of yourself.
It’s not over when it’s over
The baby arrives. The birth is over. Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security. Like an operation, returning to base was the beginning of a whole new task list from writing reports, to cleaning weapons, to ensuring security and planning the next steps. Soon you will be home with your new arrival and your partner needs to rest (for weeks, not hours). Cooking, cleaning, washing, fetching… you don’t want to burn out but there will always be something to do. Stay on top of it and life will be so much more enjoyable for your new family.
It all sounds a bit scary and daunting, and it is. There is no shame in admitting you have anxieties. Before every operation I had worries and concerns in my mind. But take solace in the fact that if you properly plan, prepare and conduct yourself at the time of need then you can look back on the day with pride that you did a good job and played a small part.
Birth is an extraordinary event, but it is a first step. Start it well and you’ll look forward to the journey even more.
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Edward Owen-Burge, May 2019
Managing Partner | Thought Leader | Investor | Public Speaker
1 年Thanks for sharing!
Channel Development Manager at Theakston Brewery
5 年Firstly congratulations! Having gone through the process recently also I found this amusing! Just to add from my experience: Flexibility - Being flexible is also important and a factor that cannot be overlooked. As often repeated, “no plan survives first contact”, well the same can be said here. Decisions need to be made throughout the process often by the birth partner, as funnily enough your in labour partner will be incapacitated and relying on you to execute her intentions! Comms - Ability to communicate your plan to the midwife and her team is important. Yes they know what they are doing but are they aware of all the details - pain relief, labour ward vs birthing suite, water birth, finding out the sex together, who will hold the baby first, room to stay in post birth, etc etc. Some points seem trivial but the devil is in the detail. Recce - Time spent on recce is time seldom wasted. If you live in towns/ cities like London it is vital to have options for routes in and out of your selected hospital. Avoid obstacles such as speed bumps unless you want a sudden birth in the foot well. Consider the time of day and the effect it will have. In some instances considering a specialist in this role for support - black cab.
Military Chaplain
5 年Congratulations