The Battle for Balance - Ambition, Success, and Society's Expectations for Women
Mehdi Chibani
Founder & CEO at KabyLabs | Investor | Polyglot (English, French, Spanish, Amazigh, Arabic) | Passionate about Tech, Politics, Economics & Travel | Empowering Professionals to Succeed.
The idea of “having it all” pressures women into chasing impossible dreams—but is this expectation a form of freedom or just another weight to bear?
Ladies Ladies ! ????
Today I want to dive deep into a subject that often gets thrown around like a badge of honor—or a burden: the idea that women can “have it all.” We hear it from every corner: be a leader, a mom, a partner, a friend, and somehow keep it all together. But is this a vision of empowerment, or is it setting us up for a life of constant chasing? Let’s break down what freedom, responsibility, and balance really mean for women today.
I know a smart young woman with boundless ambition. She had just landed a great job, was planning her wedding, and had been offered a spot in a prestigious leadership program. She sat in front of me, not glowing with pride but exhausted. Her eyes filled with doubt as she asked, “Am I supposed to feel like this? I thought I was doing everything right, but I’m just so tired.” That moment hit me hard because, honestly, I had been there too. So many women are. We've all bought into this idea that if we work hard enough, juggle enough roles, and sacrifice enough sleep, we’ll achieve the elusive “having it all.” But what no one tells you is that even when you get close to having everything you’ve ever wanted, something else always feels out of reach.
The Myth of “Having It All”
Society often paints a seductive picture: a woman who has her career on point, a fulfilling personal life, a happy family, and time for self-care and personal growth. This vision is marketed as empowerment, but in reality, it feels more like an impossible juggling act. Is the concept of “having it all” truly freeing, or is it another box we’re being asked to fit into?
In my opinion, the truth lies somewhere in between. On one hand, the idea of “having it all” seems to promise boundless opportunities, freedom, and the breaking down of old societal barriers that restricted women’s ambitions. But on the other hand, it creates a whole new set of pressures, expectations, and guilt. We’re told we can be anything, do anything—but that also means we’re expected to do everything.
Defining “All”: What Does it Really Mean?
Before we can even challenge the myth, we need to ask a crucial question: what does “all” mean? For some, it may be a high-powered career, for others, a family life that feels rich and connected. The problem is that society rarely allows us to define it for ourselves. Instead, the idea of “having it all” tends to get prepackaged: a blend of professional success, personal achievement, and a well-balanced lifestyle. But what happens when a woman’s version of success doesn’t fit the mold?
From my perspective, “all” should be something that reflects personal ambition, not societal standards. The danger of the myth lies in its broad, one-size-fits-all nature. It assumes every woman wants the same things, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Freedom vs. Responsibility: The Unseen Struggle
Freedom sounds like the ultimate goal—something worth striving for at any cost. But when we look closer, freedom without boundaries comes with a weighty responsibility. Women today are expected to be more independent, more capable, more self-sufficient than ever before. But with that independence comes the responsibility to make every choice perfect: the perfect career path, the perfect family life, the perfect body, even the perfect mindset.
Let’s be honest: freedom often feels like a double-edged sword. You can choose anything, but the responsibility of those choices can be crushing. There’s little room for mistakes in a world that insists on women being the best in every role they take on. The pressure to “have it all” leaves no space for being human.
The Cost of Ambition: What Gets Left Behind
For many women, the pursuit of “having it all” comes at a steep price. The cost is often hidden in the cracks between professional achievements and personal relationships. Long hours at the office can strain family dynamics. The energy poured into one’s career can deplete reserves meant for self-care. And let’s not forget the guilt: guilt for not spending enough time with loved ones, guilt for not pushing harder at work, guilt for craving downtime when you should be “doing more.”
From my perspective, it’s important to acknowledge that ambition is never free. For every gain, there’s a trade-off, whether it’s time, relationships, or even mental health. And yet, women are rarely given the grace to accept these trade-offs without feeling like they’re somehow failing.
Lesser-Known Fact
Did you know that only 6% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women? This figure highlights the gap between what we’re told about “having it all” and the reality of barriers that persist in corporate leadership. While progress is being made, the odds of breaking through certain glass ceilings are still dauntingly slim.
Stats
- 56% of working mothers say they feel like they’re not doing enough at home.
- 63% of women believe they are expected to “do it all” without help.
- 85% of women report feeling overwhelmed by their workload at some point.
- Only 24% of executive leadership roles in major corporations are held by women.
- 60% of women experience burnout before the age of 35.
- 40% of women have delayed starting a family due to career pressures.
- Women spend an average of 3 hours more per day on household tasks than men.
- 70% of women feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children.
Facts:
1. The “second shift” still disproportionately affects women, with many balancing careers and home responsibilities.
2. Research shows that women are more likely to experience imposter syndrome in high-pressure environments.
3. Women are less likely than men to delegate tasks at work, increasing burnout.
4. Only 14% of women negotiate their salary compared to 29% of men.
5. The gender pay gap remains around 18%, meaning women effectively work two months "for free" each year.
6. Flexible work hours are one of the most requested benefits by working mothers.
7. Studies show that career-oriented women often delay personal milestones like marriage and children due to work pressures.
8. Women are more likely to take career breaks to care for family members, which impacts long-term financial stability.
"True freedom is not about doing it all, but about having the courage to decide what matters most and let go of the rest."
Complex View
When we peel back the layers of the “having it all” narrative, it’s easy to see that this concept is built on contradictions. On one hand, it promises women the opportunity to break free from traditional roles and pursue both career and personal fulfillment. On the other hand, it subtly reinforces the same old limitations by setting impossible standards. In today’s world, women are bombarded with the message that they can—and should—pursue every possible avenue: rise in the corporate world, build strong relationships, maintain a fulfilling personal life, and look fabulous doing it. The underlying assumption is that the modern woman must be a multi-tasker to the extreme, excelling in all areas simultaneously.
But here’s the deeper complexity: “having it all” doesn’t just impose external expectations. It can also warp our internal sense of worth. When women fall short of this unrealistic ideal—and let’s be honest, we all do—it’s easy to feel like failures. The constant striving for balance between work, home, relationships, and self-care can lead to a deep sense of inadequacy.
In my opinion, the key to overcoming this myth is reframing the narrative altogether. It’s not about having it all. It’s about choosing what truly matters and releasing the guilt for the things we leave behind. No one can do everything perfectly—and the pursuit of such a goal is a surefire way to exhaustion. Instead, freedom should be redefined as the power to choose our own path and to create a life that aligns with our deepest values, not society’s superficial standards.
Expert Opinion
1. Marissa Mayer, former CEO of Yahoo, offers a unique perspective on the work-life balance debate. Mayer, who famously took just two weeks of maternity leave after giving birth to her first child while leading Yahoo, sparked controversy for her decision. She has always maintained that work-life balance is highly individual and dependent on personal priorities.
Mayer once said, “I don’t believe in balance. I believe in finding rhythm in life.” Her view is that balance implies a perfect 50/50 split between work and personal life, which isn’t realistic. Instead, she advocates for integrating work and life in a way that works for each individual, acknowledging that different phases of life require different focuses. Her decision to have a nursery built next to her office during her time at Yahoo reflects this approach—finding creative solutions to make high-level responsibilities and personal life coexist.
Mayer’s experience as a leader in the tech industry, while raising a family, shows that achieving success often means embracing the complexity and imperfection of trying to “have it all.” She reminds us that it’s not about achieving balance every day but finding a rhythm that allows both work and personal life to thrive in the long term.
2. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, has also spoken about the importance of self-acceptance and rejecting societal expectations. In her book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Gilbert discusses the courage it takes to pursue creative endeavors and live life authentically, despite the pressures of conformity.
领英推荐
Gilbert has said, “You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” This perspective aligns with the idea of self-acceptance and rejecting outside expectations. Gilbert encourages women to embrace their own path, not the one society dictates, whether it involves unconventional life choices, following passion projects, or simply being true to oneself.
Her journey of leaving a seemingly perfect life, successful career, marriage, and home to explore her true desires resonates with many who struggle with societal pressures. Gilbert’s philosophy reminds us that “having it all” is not about meeting external standards, but about defining and pursuing your own version of fulfillment with courage and authenticity.
Personal Life Application
In your personal life, learning to let go of the myth of “having it all” is crucial.
It’s not about abandoning ambition, but about recognizing your limits and making peace with the fact that balance doesn’t mean perfection. As women, you have the right to pursue the things that matter most to you, whether that’s building a career, nurturing a family, or finding time for yourself. The trick is understanding that you define your own version of success. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
Advices
- Redefine “having it all”: Sit down and write out your top three priorities for the next year. Don’t feel pressured to tick every box—focus on what brings you joy.
- Embrace imperfection: Allow yourself to let things slip without guilt. It’s okay to be “good enough” rather than perfect.
- Seek support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether from partners, colleagues, or friends. No one can do it alone.
Case Study/Success Story
A powerful case study is that of Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx. Blakely’s story is one of resilience, creativity, and bold decision-making. She started her company with just $5,000 in savings, after working for years selling fax machines door-to-door. Her big idea came from a personal frustration, wanting a smoother look under white pants but not finding the right undergarment. Instead of accepting the lack of options, Blakely invented her own solution, cutting the feet off her pantyhose to create the first version of Spanx.
Blakely’s success didn’t come overnight. She faced countless rejections from manufacturers and investors, but she persisted, driven by her belief in the product and a refusal to accept “no” as an answer. Without any formal business training or connections, she relied on her creativity and perseverance to get Spanx off the ground.
Eventually, her breakthrough came when Oprah Winfrey endorsed Spanx on her show, skyrocketing the product's visibility. Despite the pressures of scaling a global brand, Blakely maintained her authenticity and stayed true to her values. She is now recognized as one of the youngest self-made female billionaires in the world.
Blakely’s story exemplifies that success doesn’t have to follow a traditional path. She built a billion-dollar company while staying true to her instincts and personal vision, demonstrating that “having it all” can mean creating your own rules and refusing to settle for anything less than your dreams.
Book Recommendations
1. Untamed by Glennon Doyle – A powerful memoir that encourages women to break free from societal expectations, trust their instincts, and live an authentic, unapologetic life.
2. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown – A transformative book that teaches the value of embracing vulnerability, letting go of perfectionism, and living a wholehearted, authentic life on your own terms.
3. The Moment of Lift by Melinda Gates – A powerful reflection on women’s empowerment and how societal expectations can either lift or hinder them.
Startup Business Ideas
1. Sustainable Fashion Line:
- Actionable steps: Research eco-friendly materials, collaborate with ethical manufacturers, launch a brand that emphasizes sustainable practices.
- Key partners: Eco-textile suppliers, environmental consultants, fashion influencers.
- Validation steps: Test the market with a limited-edition collection, gather feedback, and adjust.
- Estimated cost: $50,000 - $100,000 for product development and marketing.
- Potential challenges: Scaling production while maintaining sustainability standards.
2. Personalized Wellness Retreats:
- Actionable steps: Offer custom-tailored wellness experiences based on mental, physical, and emotional health needs.
- Key partners: Wellness experts, nutritionists, travel planners.
- Validation steps: Host small, pilot retreats, survey attendees for feedback.
- Estimated cost: $30,000 - $60,000 for venue, staff, and logistics.
- Potential challenges: Differentiating from competition in the wellness space.
Future Trends Speculation:
As more women step into leadership roles, the concept of “having it all” is likely to evolve. Future trends may see a shift toward intentional imbalance, where women are encouraged to focus intensely on one area of their lives at a time, without guilt. Companies may also move toward offering more personalized work-life balance solutions, such as flexible working arrangements tailored to individual needs. In the long term, society will likely come to recognize that the idea of “having it all” is more about choice and agency than about achieving every goal at once.
Ladies, let’s be real: the myth of “having it all” is just that a myth. It’s time to break free from the unrealistic standards set before us and embrace the beauty of choosing what matters most. You have the power to define your own success, to decide what deserves your energy, and to let go of the rest without an ounce of guilt. Remember, you’re not here to juggle a thousand roles perfectly, you’re here to live fully and authentically. Keep chasing what fills your soul, not what fills society’s checklist. You’ve got this!
What does “having it all” mean to you? Do you feel pressured to balance everything, or have you redefined success on your own terms? Share your thoughts!
#Empowerment #Balance #Ambition #Success #Mujeres #Women #Femmes