The battle of the arm rests!

Once upon a time I boarded a flight from London Heathrow to Paris Charles De Gaulle airport on my way to a week of anticipated rewarding experiences. Doing what I love most and in the company of people I love lots. 

It was a very busy flight and I was in the A seat which is the nearest to the window. Not long after I had settled into my seat, the cordial smiles exchanged with the passenger in the aisle, C, seat, along came a gentle man. Fairly large and well built, to sit in the middle seat. Having arrived first to the seats, I had my arm and elbow on both arm rests of my seat. You can guess what’s coming. 

This gentleman sat down and we exchanged cordial smiles the familiar cordial smiles exchanged by polite frequent travellers. As he sat down, he put both his elbows on the arm rests on either side of him and edged my already placed elbow off. I could feel the heat rising up my neck, never mind ‘mindfulness’ and deciding to take control of my emotions and ensuring that I had them and not them me, I plucked up the courage to say to him politely and through gritted teeth: “ you know that if you moved your elbow a little forward and to the front of the arm rest, we could both share this arm rest.”

He smiled and did as I’d asked and proceeded to sulk big time. At least that is what I thought as he soon took his arms off completely from the arm rest leaving the full length of the arm rest to me. As I secretly began to feel good with myself of having scored a point in this battle of the arm rest, I noticed that I was feeling a little uncomfortable. I shifted to the left; I adjusted to the right: I tried to make small talk about the weather. I started to feel a little uncomfortable physically and in spite of knowing that to be more comfortable, all I had to do was take my arm off the arm rest, to prove to myself that I was right, I kept my elbow on. Meanwhile for the entire flight, I continued to shuffle in my seat and decided to keep my eyes firmly fixed on my iPad watching a movie the name of which I cannot even remember. 

At the end of the flight and as we disembarked, he said good bye and with a smile. He had kindness in his eyes. When I arrived at my venue, I proceeded to share my experience with my colleagues and friends, telling the story from a position that placed me in the right. At the end of my story, one of my colleagues, of the more ‘righteous’ persuasion, piped up and told me that actually in terms of custom and practice in aviation practices, the person who sits in the middle seat on a flight has the right and first call on both arm rests. I didn’t want to be wrong. I had the right to the arm rests. Noticing the early signs of dwindling support for my position in the battle of the arm rest I moved the conversation on to enquire about the weather and dinner arrangements. 

Later that night as I lay in my bed, ready to say my prayers before sleeping, I started to reflect on the number of us - you and me and others who would admit to it - would maintain a position and stick to it without shifting all with the intention of being right even after finding out that it may not be the best position to maintain after all. How would that translate into the world of work and the numerous relationships we build and take down through a decision to be right. So much of what we experience in our day to day lives outside of work mirror our day to day lives inside of work and when these translate into business decision making that impact the lives of many, the consequences of being right versus doing the right thing can be far more reaching than we can imagine. 

As I gently nodded off to sleep, I resolved to take note of the lesson from this experience and to apply it in how I go about my business in and out of work and hoped that this gentleman where ever he may be, would soon forget his experience. It is less important to be right, to win an argument or to be the winner, than it is to do the right thing in the moment and where possible for the greater good. It is a perspective that would help many a team, a community, a family and dare I say, a nation. This is indeed a lesson that can apply well in all levels work, home and life.

My sleep that night was sweet and deep. 

It is not always what you believe to be true that is in fact and in reality true. Holding on to our own beliefs and points of view can get in the way of progress, of sharing, of innovation and sadly, in the way of building the types of relationships that enable inclusion, a diversity of thinking and a sense of belonging.  The battle of the arm rests although in the grand scheme of things highlights an experience the memory of which soon goes away, it also on reflection highlights the importance of grace, of trust and of openness - attributes that would serve us well in all areas of life.