The Basement Ballerina

Earlier this winter, my husband and my father-in-law wanted to “paint my basement”. I put that in quotes because my husband and his dad have pursued many home improvement projects in my house that have taken on a life of their own. I reluctantly agreed because my husband promised me that he would fix up a little workout nook for me complete with a mirror and a ballet barre. Long story short, in the process of “painting the basement”, floods happened, plumbers were called, showers were taken at the YMCA, and words were said, but in the end, I had my ballet barre and I was happy. Little did I know how much I would be using this space in the months ahead.

             Dancing has made me happy for as long as I can remember. When I was about three years old, I remember I was sitting on my grandmother’s front lawn and a boy on a bicycle came by with fliers from a local dance studio. He handed me one and said “Hey, do you want to take dance lessons?” I emphatically said “Yes!” I could not believe I had been waiting so long for someone to ask me that question. I ran with the flier to my mother and said “Please! Please! Please!” And from my first day of dance class that became, by far, my favorite thing to do. I would beg to go to dance class, counting the days of each week out until I could go again. Every day after school, when other girls were playing Barbies, I would make up routines with my dance friends, listening to cassettes and practicing for hours in my bedroom or backyard. I was signed up for Girl Scouts briefly, played one very unfortunate season of softball and I did enjoy the odd cheerleading team or musical theater production, as those were also chances to dance. But any dance studio was always my happy place for the entirety of my formative years.

             When I graduated from college, where I had been a part of Drexel University’s Dance Ensemble, I began a career in the media industry in NYC. After sitting at a desk all day for about three weeks, I said to myself, “I need to dance.” And why not? I was perhaps, not cut out for a career of professional dancing, but I was in the biggest city in the country, where people from all over the world come to dance. I discovered that there were so many studios with classes open to the public all over the city. These studios employ world class dance instructors and attract extremely talented dancers. A girl like me could come from her desk job and take an evening class alongside dancers doing a warmup before they performed in a Broadway show. I have always considered myself so lucky to be able to take these classes and took pride in the fact that I would show up and just try my best in front of some of the best dancers out there. These classes have been integral to my work-life balance throughout my entire career, so far. In the past fifteen years, I have taken classes at Broadway Dance Center, Steps on Broadway, Peridance Capezio Center, Alvin Ailey Extension and Ballet Arts. I’ve taken Ballet, Jazz, Hip-Hop and Modern Dance classes. I’ve even had the chance to participate in some performance workshops with Master Ballet Teacher, Kat Wildish. I’ve danced until I was nine months pregnant with both my sons and danced my way back to feeling like myself again once they were born. Recently, I’ve been taking Commercial Jazz classes at Steps with Nick Palmquist whose musicality is incomparable and pep talks are better than therapy. I’ve also been taking some Street Jazz classes with Keenan Cooks whose choreography makes me feel like the badass I am not. Always, any classical ballet class feels like a homecoming to me. The familiar ritual of warming up at the barre with plies and tendus, moving to center and working up to the end of class climax of a grand allegro, flying leaps across the studio is so cathartic for me. I was excited when Mary Beth Hansohn had, just a few weeks ago, started teaching a really nice ballet class at a perfect time slot for me at Broadway Dance Center. Any good day is made better if I get to spend any part of it in a dance studio. But I’ve long known that the best days to dance are my bad days.  Whether it was boy dramz back in my single days, feeling defeated after a bad day at work or worrying about my son not doing well in school, if I came to a dance studio on a bad day, I could turn more, jump higher, hit the choreography with more precision and leave feeling so much better. And lately we’ve all been having a lot of bad days.

             On my last day in my office before lockdowns, I was the only one there. It was a Friday and just the day before, most people had still come in. But Thursday night, it had been announced that come Monday, schools would be closing, and non-essential businesses would be shut down. Most people opted to work from home that Friday. My sons were attending their last day of school and my dance bag was in the office. I was determined to get to a studio and get one last class in before the shutdown. I spent the workday alone in the office on some Skype meetings and trying to tie up some loose ends before leaving the office to work from home (and homeschool my children) for what I thought would be just a couple of weeks. I left my office near Grand Central Station and made my way across a deserted Times Square. I had been sort of in denial about the seriousness of the Pandemic, but as I saw how empty the streets were that day, it started to feel like maybe the end was nigh. When I arrived at Broadway Dance Center, it was jam-packed, wall-to-wall with dancers. NYC dancers are some of the most determined, disciplined people on this planet and I wasn’t the only one who wanted to squeeze in one last class. I took a Jazz class that night and the instructor said, “We are all here because we need to dance right now. Let’s all enjoy this moment because we don’t know when we’ll be able to come back.” We did a fun seventies-style routine to the song “Gloria” by Laura Branigan for some levity and intentional cheesiness. Then I left the studio and rode an empty bus home to Jersey. By that Monday, all the dance studios in Manhattan had been closed, along with everything else.

             But there are so many people who still want to dance. Many dancers have been doing Zoom classes and Instagram Live classes to stay in shape. I was so excited to see some NY dancers, who I have admired for years, posting hour-long classes on Instagram Live. Tiler Peck of New York City Ballet has been doing #turnitoutwithtiler nearly every day on IG Live from her parents’ house, where she is quarantined. Her sunny disposition in the face of so much uncertainty has been such a bright spot for so many during these dark times. She has featured guests such as Jennifer Garner and Broadway star, Laura Osnes. I leave my basement ballet nook feeling so joyful after an hour of dancing with her. Isabella Boylston and James B Whiteside of American Ballet Theatre have been doing a split screen class Monday, Wednesday and Friday of each week called #thecindiesballetclass (they both call each other Cindy). They have been asking for a nominal donation to charities such as Broadway Cares and NYC Food Bank, using their platform to help those in need during the COVID-19 crisis. The banter between these besties, paired with their killer playlists and cute themes, like asking people to dress up in eighties dancewear and tag them, makes this class a fun part of a not-so-fun moment in history. Thousands of people around the world have been participating in classes from first time dancers, to advanced students, to people who have not taken ballet since they were children. They are all with me, dancing in my basement.

             So many of us have been having to face so much uncertainty and it has been really stressful. My husband and I have been facing a very uncertain future career-wise with everything that has been going on and wonder what the future of the economy looks like. My six-year-old, who was finally starting to make progress with learning to read, will not be returning to school this year. I’ve had to explain to my toddler several times why I am unable to simply scoop “the virus” away with an ice cream scooper, that he has taken to carrying everywhere he goes, so that he can return to the playground. Even a simple trip to the grocery store has come to feel like something out of a zombie movie. We’ve had to cancel a much-anticipated family trip to Disney World. It’s been heartbreaking. And I know that so many people have had to face much, much worse during this crisis. It’s important for all of us to find things in our day that make us feel “normal” or happy. For some it could be a bubble bath, baking a favorite dessert or having a Zoom happy hour with the friends you miss. For me, and so many of us that love to dance, it’s being able to keep doing just that. I don’t know what the future holds at all right now and I have no idea what a new normal will look like. Until that day comes, I will be in my basement dancing, dreaming of the day we can all dance together again.