Barriers

What are some of the barriers facing pregnant and parenting women?

·????????Substance abuse

·????????Addiction

·????????Shelter

·????????Mental health

·????????Violence

·????????Relationships

·????????Education

·????????Employment

·????????Age

·????????Shame

·????????Circle of influence

Women are strong. They meet and overcome challenges no one expects them to. This does not mean they are invincible.

Substance abuse and addiction:

This barrier is a struggle that takes place in the invisible or at least in silence. The fight for freedom is real. It is a serious and valid barrier. It may be more of an issue for some women then men because of their unique biological makeup, socially ascribed gender roles, and barriers to treatment and recovery. The responsibility of caring and raising a newborn child influences addiction and recovery. Michael House takes this barrier and turns it into a motivation for change. A woman will be more eager to pursue and complete treatment if she is motivated to become a better parent and save or regain custody of children.

Transition or no shelter:

A lot of this relates to a financial barrier and then to timing. It is not an easy task to navigate the complex administrative process to receive rent supplements or other financial supports for secure housing. Some may not even be able to meet the eligibility requirements. Then there is the discrimination to single mothers and women receiving social assistance. This lack of financial autonomy or low income means a choice to stay in an unhealthy relationship and falling into poverty and/or homelessness. Not a choice for a pregnant or new mother. Michael House is that step in offering another choice. It saddens me to know we have a waiting list. I believe that the one barrier we remove that affects our mothers the most is the fear of having their children taken by child protection services because of poor living environments.

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Mental Health:

A mental illness can impact the way a person thinks, feels, relates to others and copes with everyday life. Some are caused from chemical changes in the brain and no amount of willpower will suffice. Targeted help from dedicated professionals, such as we have here at Michael House, are needed.

I placed this barrier close to addiction because the two can be found side-by-side. Individuals with mental health issues are more likely than people without mental health disorders to experience an alcohol or substance abuse disorder. Not to worry, you are not facing a challenge you can’t overcome.

Michael House provides a comprehensive integrated treatment program designed to treat both conditions at the same time. Individual therapy with a focus on thoughts and beliefs and then considering or comparing the way they are acting and the way they are feeling with the way society expects them to act and feel. This continues with group therapy. There they are provided with the opportunity to practice their new skills in a supportive environment without being too threatened or overwhelmed. All this ensuring their wants and needs are respected, and they are not pushed into situations in which they do not feel comfortable.

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Violence:

Fleeing an abusive relationship takes strength and courage, as the moments after women and children flee an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for them. It is therefore crucial that housing options and support services be available so that women and children fleeing abusive relationships have somewhere safe to go. Some women who are in this situation may go to a shelter. ?

What we find at Michael House, based on our own waiting list, accessing a bed in a shelter can be difficult. They are operating at capacity and women and their children are turned away because of a lack of space. We also are finding, and trying to communicate to our supporters, is that we are more than a Guelph home or even a Wellington County home. We are a home for women in Niagara Falls, Collingwood, Barrie and even Sault Ste Marie because some communities do not provide our kind of care for women and their children experiencing violence. In the case for Michael House, we are not a shelter as we offer a continuum of comprehensive support and services to make sure these families can receive the support to grow and move into a healthy relationships as they experience healing.

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Relationship with family/friends:

“Finding out at 18 that I was going to be a mom was a lot to take in. After having Jamie, my life took a flip for the worse. Children’s Aid took her out of my care & placed her with my sister. I fell away from God & lost a lot of friends & family, as well as my self-respect. In July, I found out that I was expecting my second child. It felt like a second chance at being a mom. I moved to Michael House with my two-week-old daughter. The support this ‘family’ gave us was beyond what anyone had ever done for me. Jamie being with my truly amazing sister & visiting us every Saturday has made my vision & pathway easier to connect with God. Emma & I could not be where we are today without the love, kindness & respectful family at Michael House. Thank you for everything all of you have done for us.”?

This is a message I try to remind our church family as to the importance of them being part of an “adoptive” family sharing unconditional love. We are talking about family – love them or love them not, they often have a limit to what they can do with what they call “difficult” ones. It usually comes with a lifetime of emotional investment with some giving a huge push or walking away. We look forward to seeing wonderful family relationships being reconciled because of the work we can do with women who arrive at Michael House.

Education:

It is not uncommon for us to see between 25-30% of our mothers as students in either full-time or part-time study. What a great opportunity to move forward with healing with the end in sight. With education wrapped up, and employment goals met, this is a key step for families to move out on their own once they have completed their program.

Employment:

“Now in her mid-20’s, Karly is finishing up an advanced college degree in finance. She is in a stable, loving relationship, caring for her three children, putting them first, as she juggles being a mother, partner & student. She keeps a clean townhome & cares for her father. Pondering the obstacles, she has overcome, Karly beams when asked about her future now. She is immensely thankful for the role Michael House played in helping her to turn her life around.”

It must be so hard to visualize such success for each new mother coming into Michael House – yet this is a reality and not a dream. This might start at a McDonald’s or in cleaning services at a hotel, but that is only the beginning. From there we have seen so much more as the foundation has become firm and secure.

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Age:

The average age at Michael House is 27 – that might surprise you. The younger women may find depression, low self-esteem, and peer pressure to be their barriers while the older women may find stress and mental suffering along with shame/guilt/embarrassment. Of course, there are no real lines between the two, they are all women who need Michael House to walk them through this part of the journey in life. Being older has been a barrier to some support offered to younger women, especially in education.

Shame:

I needed help, forgiveness, a home, and a friend. I needed guidance, support, and someone to tell me they cared. I came from a very dysfunctional family.??

I have spent the last 10 years wandering aimlessly on the streets, hating myself and hating life. I fell into a destructive pattern of?behaviour?that led me to drugs and things that I am not very proud of. Four of those years were spent in and out of jail. I stopped believing that I could be somebody who was loved and cherished.??

Everything changed with a simple phone call to Michael House. I would admit at first that this seemed too good to be true, but everything in my life turned around thanks to Michael House. I arrived at the Michael House Residence with the clothes on my back. As soon as we moved in, we were provided with food, clothes for both me and my child, toys, shoes, winter jackets – the necessities that no one should have to worry about.?

No need to say more.

Circle of influence:

When I found out that I was pregnant, it came as a complete shock to me. I had thought that I was unable to have children, and I didn’t find out about the pregnancy until I was in my second trimester. I had just ended a long-term relationship with my child’s father, and I had no resources in the area. I had been living on my own since I was a teenager, and I was working multiple jobs when I found out that I was pregnant.??

My friends and family were not supportive when they found out that I was pregnant, since they?thought,?I wasn’t prepared to raise a child. I know they were trying to protect me, but I couldn’t go along with their suggestion to terminate the pregnancy.?

A newspaper reporter was interviewing our Executive Director and really wanted her to go on an abortion rant without understanding that this is not who we are. We are a home offering shelter and support to pregnant and parenting women and their children who are in need. It is a home for women who want their children and not a political agenda that can be played by media or politicians. It is a home set apart to love those who are hurting, in pain, still have hope, and want to change the direction of their lives. Michael House does that very well. So blessed to have this home in our presence.