The Bare Minimum for a Half-Decent CV During (and After) a Lockdown

I've written this blog every year since 2006, so there is some repetition, but the last year hasn’t just seen a dramatic shift for job seekers, but also for hiring managers and their organisations. There’s a lot more uncertainty for them, and many more candidates to choose from. The context for all parties has changed. If your CV hasn’t been re-written since the pandemic started, you risk looking out of touch – and missing the chance to differentiate yourself.

A note on Job Seeker behaviours

The last year has seen a lot of understandable desperation. That’s motivated the mob to chase the market down and a herd mentality has taken grip. People are applying en masse, recruiters are inundated and not getting back to applicants (that’s wrong of them, but let’s not go down that rabbit hole for the moment), and it drives even more desperation.

Especially now, a little ambition can be an attractive trait. It can lift you out of the herd – and let me remind you, herds exist to make the individual anonymous, and if there was ever to be noticed – This is it.

A note on Hiring Manager behaviours

What applies today, may change tomorrow. If they take people on, they know they may have to shuffle the pack as the economy ebbs and flows. So single, niche, expertise comes with a risk that this person may not be able to adapt. Adaptability and transferable skills have become more attractive. But let’s not ‘pivot’ eh? It’s a buzz word. Buzz words are bad.

Here's a few things to bear in mind before you start:

1. This is a marketing document. It's not a history lesson. It's not a grey soup of dull facts. It exists only to get you an interview. No more. No less.
2. Covid is something to include. It's good for context. I had a CV client help the North East of England continue to wipe their arses by keeping stocks of toilet paper on supermarket shelves. Mentioning that made that CV owner more relevant and marketable.
3. Don't just think about word content. Its visual appeal is also important. Leave deliberate white space. Increase the line spacing a little. Let it breathe and relax. Use clear nomenclature (headings). Make it easy for the reader to track and read - some of us are thick. We need to be spoon fed.
4. It's better if your CV is loved by 5 people (who more likely to invite you to an interview) and hated by 5 people (who you won't like anyway), than have 10 people say "Meh... yeah... it's OK I s'pose... ). Take some risks. Get yourself a Marmite CV. What's the worst that can happen?....
5. Write for your audience. Use their language. Put yourself in their shoes. At least guess what you think they might like to hear.
6. Put yourself in the here and now. Don't prattle on about saving the world in 2006. Nobody cares. They want to be sure you can make a difference in 2021.... 2022.... 2023 etc.....
7. Don't worry about length in terms of pages. If it has a strong opening and there's a thread of a story, and you avoid generic terms, people will find it easier to read. If it's more than 1000 words long, it needs a hard edit - unless you're a contracted Project Manager with lots of detailed projects in the last few years - You can go to 1200 words.
8. Edit. Hard. Look for spare or repeated words and cut them out. Or change them. Use a thesaurus if you're stuck. Don't ever use "passionate", or “adept”, nor “acumen” – They’re all silly words you wouldn't use in everyday speech.
9. It's no longer a paper document. It's read on a screen, so get your big punches in early before somebody has to scroll down the screen. You need to grab their interest quickly and hang on to it with a vice-like grip.
10. It may get read by a machine (ATS), so make sure you have a few key words dotted about. It will probably be read by a human too, so make it as entertaining as you dare. No. Make it more entertaining than you dare. Marmite. Remember?
11. Don't write in the 3rd person. It makes you look like a dick.

You may be tempted to use a multi-columned colourful CV template. My advice is, don't. The colours can look pretty, but they also distract. They're the victory of style over substance. The eye doesn't know where to go. You're just serving to confuse.

Your font choice is important too. It is a central piece of design. It says more about you than you may know. For example, if you use Times New Roman, I know you're a 55-year-old bloke. Choose something crisp and fresh. And don't use different fonts throughout - and check the font size is consistent. I'd guess that approaching half of CV's are all over the shop - and that proves you're shit at detail - which is a worry if you're applying to be a technician at a nuclear reprocessing plant.

The order of things is....

This is important. Remember, you need to get your big punches in early before the reader scrolls down on their screen:

1. Your name: If your mum called you Timothy, but you prefer Tim, use "Tim".
2. One line under your name: Your hometown only. Phone number. Email address (don't bother writing "Phone Number" and "Email". You're taking me for an idiot) and LinkedIn profile link.
3. Personal Statement: About 5 or six lines. This is where it pays to be really bright. Use your own language. Give it vim and vigour. Don’t say you have great “communication skills” unless you’re prepared to demonstrate that in your CV. If you can add some context for the pandemic – don’t dodge it. Face up to it. It’ll help you with the conversation you’ll need to have with yourself to keep your focus and spirits high.
4. Skills: About 6 only. The big important ones. No more than a line a skill - or I know you don't have the skill to communicate with brevity. "Hard work" and "Punctual" and "Team Player" aren't skills - they should be a given.
5. Recent Career Highlights: About 6 of them, all dated and specific. The clue is in the word "Recent". This is the part that places you in the here and now. Don't dine out on old glories - You look like you're living in the past - because you probably are.
6. Career: Start with the current and work back from there. Headline your main responsibilities and achievements. Just a few lines will do. This is where most CV's get very dull. If you intrigue me with a few teasers, I will call to know more.
7. Education: Quite simply list your formal qualifications - but also add any formal training you may have had. Education always comes last - unless you left university in the last year.

Here's some things you should AVOID in your CV - you're wasting words and space:

• Your photograph - Nobody cares what you look like
• Your date of birth - It's got bugger all to do with the price of fish
• Your marital status and numbers of children - It's just irrelevant
• "Referrals on Request" - We're going to ask anyway - whatever you put.
• Your full home address - We'll just Google it to be nosey and laugh at your net curtains.
• Your interests - Be honest, can you do the job better 'cos you read books?

IF YOU'RE REALLY STUCK...

I can send you a template. No charge. Don't worry. You won't go on a database I can't be arsed to administrate. Email me at [email protected]

IF YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY STUCK...

I can write your CV for you. That means you'll have to talk to me, so I understand your ambition, voicer and audience. I can be challenging, and you'll have to pay me good money. Somebody told me, "You're a Glitter Shitting Unicorn" and another said, "If you can imagine asking for a short back and sides and then getting your head shaved.... Martin took my old CV apart and totally rewrote it. It was stripped right back, the format changed and presented in an easy-to-read way".

But you can do it yourself. I promise. You just have to follow some simple rules and stick your chin out a bit.

You may get different advice from other recruiters.

Just remember, this took 15 years to write.