Banned on Forbes- The Pick Up Artist
Dave Popple PhD
Founder and Managing Partner: Psynet Group; Founder of Facticiti; Developer of Psybil
In 2013 I had an opportunity to be the consulting producer for a reality TV show that aired on Fox following Hell's Kitchen. Following the filming of the first 2 episodes, the crew wanted to go out. We ended up in a dive bar in Downer's Grove IL where one of the crew asked me for some psychological advice on meeting women in a bar. I did not have the heart to tell him that I had never successfully met a woman at a bar, however, I do understand the psychology of attraction and shared a few insights (i.e. elbow shoulder elbow elbow and "the three second stare")
That experience is why when Michael Schein's https://www.hypereads.com/list brilliant article appeared on Forbes about the association between sales and pick up artists, I was so interested. However, before I could respond, it was gone.
The following is Michael's comment on the removal of the article followed by the contents of the article itself.
A brief note on what you're about to read:
When I woke up this morning, I fully intended to send you the usual list of books about propaganda artists, cult leaders, brainwashing, mental manipulation, and mass seduction. But then something happened.
Earlier today, I posted an article on Forbes.com about the strategies self-proclaimed pickup artists use to influence others. I thought that by examining how these strategies work, I could help well-meaning people apply them ethically in other areas.
You know, the kind of stuff you're used to me talking about by now.
Anyway, the article was doing pretty well. It was getting lots of views and quite a few positive comments.
And then...boom, it disappeared.
What I soon found out was that the article was deemed to have the potential to offend. This is why I decided instead to send you something different than what I first planned.
While I respect my editors very much, I disagree with their decision.
Reality is reality, regardless of who it offends. And that extends to what we refer to here as “hype.” Certain psychological and sociological strategies are incredibly effective in moving people, whether or not we feel that ought to be the case. As well-meaning people, closing ourselves off to any exposure to these principles is a problem. In fact, I would go so far as to say it’s dangerous.
Those who wish to tap into these realities for nefarious ends—the real sociopaths and con artists and demagogues—don’t care about how the world ought to be. They make it a point to learn what works. And then they use it.
I have made it my life’s mission to put these powerful techniques in the hands of kind, creative, benevolent people doing great work. Why do I care so much about this? Because I hate that only the bad guys have access to the keys to human nature. Why should the worst elements of society have a monopoly on the ability to build a rapid following around what they're selling? It’s time to put an end to that.
It is a risk for me to send this email. My position as a Forbes columnist is incredibly important to me, personally, and to my career. There is a chance that this message will cross someone's desk who misinterprets my intentions. But I gave it a huge amount of thought and finally decided I owed it to you to lay it all out there and get these ideas in front of you.
Please read the article below, take from it what you can, and disagree with anything you want. And feel free to share those disagreements with me in all their glory. That's what the free exchange of ideas is all about.
Yours always,
Mike Schein
https://www.hypereads.com/list
***
5 Powerful Sales Lessons From Pickup Artists
Neil Strauss had risen to the pinnacle of his profession as a journalist, progressing from lowly intern to top ghostwriter for some of the biggest musical artists in the world. But he still wasn’t happy. Why not? Because he was plagued by that unique combination of loneliness and shame that marks the romantically unsuccessful. Women were simply were not attracted to him.
After a lifetime of being a romantic flop, Strauss had come to believe that people fell into one of two categories: Naturally attractive people and naturally unattractive people. He was a member of the latter group, and there was nothing he could do about it.
But then he got a lead on an underground community of young men who had reverse-engineered how to successfully seduce women. He smelled a story, as well as an opportunity to improve the state of his own life.
Strauss infiltrated this community and immersed himself in its lifestyle. In doing so, he transformed himself into “Style”—one of the most successful pickup artists in the world.
The book that came out of the experience—The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists— would go to become a bestseller many times over.
If you’re troubled by the thought of hordes of young men pouring over a book to learn how to manipulate women, there is a consolation. The majority of guys who bought the book were unable to replicate its author’s results.
The reason for this is that most of them imitated Style’s specific tactics in an attempt to brainwash women into coming home with them. What these failed pickup artists had trouble understanding is that the most successful seducers never try to get anyone to do what they don’t want to do. Instead, they create an atmosphere that gives people a sensation of excitement and comfort, which allows them to decide for themselves whether they want to embark on a new adventure.
In other words, the best pickup artists are master salespeople.
Even if you have been happily married for forty years, there is a lot you can learn from these self-made lotharios about moving others to action. Below are five lessons that anyone who ever has to sell anything to anyone should study and master.
1. Craft Your External Packaging
One of the main reasons for Neil Strauss’s radical transformation from geek to Casanova was that he had one of the greatest pickup artists of all time as his mentor.
Mystery was a dark and charismatic figure instantly identifiable by his fuzzy top hat, layered jewelry, eyeliner, and painted black fingernails. When he entered a room, women’s eyes floated in his direction before he ever said a word.
What the many imitators of Mystery who emerged in the wake of The Game’s publication failed to grasp was that his packaging was rooted in the core of who he was. Back when he was lonely Erik James-Horvat Markovic, he was already a fan of the theatrical, magical, and macabre in the form of Dungeons & Dragons. It was from that stereotypically unseductive starting place that he would go on to craft his eminently attractive persona.
No one has ever managed to successfully persuade, influence, or sell others by being haphazard or careless with their external presentation. It goes without saying that you must give serious thought to the visual and sensory appearance of whatever you put out into the world, whether it’s the way you dress or the way you design your sales proposals and website.
However, it’s not enough to simply don an expensive suit or produce a slick PowerPoint deck and assume you’ve packaged yourself or your presentation for maximum impact. The most effective persuaders, influencers, seducers, and salespeople carefully construct an external package that magnifies those parts of themselves that are truly unique. This often means starting with an aspect of yourself that some people might consider negative when encountered in a different context.
Andy Warhol did this with his eccentric silver wig and foil-covered factory. Steve Jobs did it with his radically simple black turtlenecks. And Mystery did it with his vampire-chic look. Now you need to identify the packaging that only you can embody and live it in every aspect of how you appear to everyone you encounter.
2. Master Intermittent Reinforcement
In the mid-20th century, behaviorist B.F. Skinner conducted experiments on pigeons in order to determine how various schedules of rewards would affect their willingness to engage in certain actions.
What Skinner found was that if he gave pigeons a reward every time they did something he wanted them to do, they complied only part of the time. However, if he rewarded the pigeons only sometimes, at unpredictable intervals, their compliance becomes completely consistent.
Human beings aren’t all that different from pigeons.
When you reward people consistently, your ability to make them follow you will be weak. It is when you find ways to offer rewards in a sporadic and inconsistent manner that their desire to follow you will become nearly unbreakable.
Members of the pickup artist community call this “cat string theory.” In The Game, Mystery describes, “When you make a string dance above a cat’s head, it will go crazy trying to get it… But as soon as you let go of the string and it drops right between the cat’s paws, it just looks at the string for a second and then walks away. It’s bored. It doesn’t want it anymore.”
Mystery’s point is that the key to a successful seduction is to not respond to a woman’s every action in the way life has trained her to expect. It is vital to vary things up, engage in a dance, and generate a push-pull dynamic.
Classic intermittent reinforcement.
In sales, most of us chase our prospects. We flatter. We pester. When we sense doubt, we go in for the close like a jackal who hasn’t had a meal in a week. Then we wonder why the hot lead who had so much promise has stopped responding to our emails.
Instead, use the power of intermittent reinforcement. The next time someone says, “I’m not sure my team would go for this,” try agreeing with them. You’ll be amazed by how many lukewarm prospects will start chasing after you instead of the other way around.
Does this mean every prospect will buy from you? No. But that’s okay. Master pickup artists know that not every woman will agree to go out with them, and they don’t care. As long as more women do than don’t, that’s all they need.
3. Create the Perception of Autonomy
Human beings have an incredibly strong tendency to resist taking action if they think someone is trying to force them into it. This resistance will come up even if the action is something they might benefit from.
Master pickup artists understand this.
When approaching a woman, a successful pickup artist always gives them a way out. For example, he might tell them they only have a few minutes to talk before he has to meet up with a friend. The idea is to create the impression that if their quarry decides to go out with them or go home with them, the decision was theirs and theirs alone.
If you want to sell anything, from yourself to your products, you have to get people to want to do something they may have initially resisted. They will be much more likely to do this if they have the perception that the idea originated with them.
4. Focus on Self-Regulation
At one point in The Game, Neil Strauss recounts a speech that Mystery gives to a group of nervous young men that he is coaching before they go to a club to try out the techniques they have just learned from him.
“All your emotions are going to try to [mess] you up,” he says, “They are there to confuse you, so know right now that they cannot be trusted at all. You will feel shy sometimes, and self-conscious, and you must deal with it like you deal with a pebble in your shoe. It’s uncomfortable, but you ignore it. It’s not part of the equation.”
Easier said than done, right?
No matter what tactics, techniques, strategies, or psychological principles you learn, you will inevitably fail to execute them unless you master your emotions. You may know exactly what you should do in any given situation, but your anxiety, fear, desire, desperation, or preconceived notions will inevitably control what you actually do.
You will blurt out the wrong thing at the wrong time. You will fail to approach or approach too soon. You will stick around for too long. You will tense up. You will freak out.
Fortunately, there’s a way around this. You must consistently work on calming your internal state. The means of doing this will be different for each person. For some, it might be regular vigorous exercise. For others, it may be meditation. Some, with more deeply entrenched blocks, may need to find a good therapist.
We often think of our self-regulation practices as secondary—something that comes after all the work and learning is done. However, if you want your work and learning to have a real-world effect—to get you the results you want—you must put the time in to regulate the powerful sensations that originate in the physical body and physical brain.
5. Engage in Relentless Experimentation
Both Mystery and Style began their road to becoming master seducers by educating themselves through books, audio programs, and seminars. But they quickly realized that while this education was essential to their success, it wasn’t enough.
To truly learn something—anything—it must be practiced in the arena of real life. No knowledge ever sticks until it becomes embodied as habit. Book learning is important, but it’s never sufficient. Some degree of trial and error will always be necessary to adapt what you know in the abstract to the specifics of your time, your personality, and your audience.
When it comes to sales, people skip this step all the time. They read every sales book and take every sales course and then bet entire fortunes on a process that follows this advice exactly. Then they’re shocked when it doesn’t work out.
What made Mystery and Style so successful with women is that they took the theory into the bars and clubs. They approached hundreds of women and got rejected hundreds of times. They said hundreds of stupid things. But every time they did so, they studied the data and adjusted their approach. If you want to become a master of sales, you must do the same.
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