A Baller AND a Shot Caller?

You have heard it said : you have Dictionary-DOT-com and you've got M-Double-U-DOT-com, but I say to you there's still other definitions to words that I can not tell you. They asked Jesus for a sign too, and what did he say, right? No sign will I give you, except : The sign of Jonah.

Jonah was a prophet (ooo ooo) / But he really never got it / (sad but true) / if you watch him you can spot it / (a doodly-doo!) He did not get the point! -Veggietales (Jonah : A Veggietales Movie).

You would need some sort of "Urban Dictionary" to understand some things. Fortunately such a thing exists, and it's Art. First I went to the Lie Berry, Next I went to School. I smoked in the Boys' room, I was betrayed but Pinkie put him up to it. Next, I tried to sit alone and read my art book, and I dunno. "Has this ever happened to you?" -Law Commercial : I went to the Museum. I cried. It was so beautiful. I studied art. "They should have sent a poet?" They did : poets! Oh, right. Song writers. "Don't tell me what the poets are doing." Please, just... don't.

“The Holy Dove, She will be caught again. Bought and sold and bought again. The Dove is never free.” -Leonard Cohen.

"Noah was a drunk but look at all he accomplished." -Dogma (1999)

It's the Music, the Movies, the TV and Film media elements provided by Hollywoo to relax and soften the hearts of the Working Class, the folks who do the majority of the living and working and dying in these fair cities of ours. It's not just the Motion Picture, it's The Sound.

Back in the Primordial Ooze, before I first became, I heard sounds and thought to myself : perhaps this is being awake? First my brain formed in the womb, sure, but which part came first, the Chicken or the Egg? The Hero who is there to learn, not to earn? Or the very nervous suspicious side of my mind, Lefty and Righty. Hold me back, guys, I'm going in: Next, I lifted up my body using my arms, and opened my eyes.

The sound I heard was alarming, but that hardly matters.

"LISTEN! : Do you guys smell something?" -Ray (Ghostbusters, 1984).

"Safe and secure from all alarms? Leaning on the Everlasting Arms." -Alan Jackson, Precious Memories album.

"He walks with me / He talks with me / along life's narrow way." -Look it up, I dunno.

All alarms? In this economy? So safe and secure was I that I stayed relaxed, but then thought better of it: why not? Why not go ahead and get up. I had become awakened, it doesn't matter by whom, no sense in going back to bed. "Thanks for coming!" We didn't come this far to only come this far!

I know me. I need a coffee and a breakfast and today was the Bruno Mars of Breakfasts : I can't tell you much about that part, let's go back to me calendar and look it up, no?

I check my notes and all it says is, "LIES! : I'm very happy, lol. It's just how my -- [PUTS ON GAME FACE] I have 'bitchy resting face' OK? I went to the Lie Berry and told nothing but lies. Happy man looks grumpy: Film at 11. Easy enough.

All my Basketball Friends were still whooping it up from the night before or something so it's a good thing I was getting myself full of shit. But I didn't say 'shit,' out there, I said, uhh, I didn't say anything, in fact.

I figured, if being happy but appearing sad works for my friends I love so very much, then aughtn't notn't the opposite be true? Should there not be a chirality, we have two hands but they are 'opposite,' no?

"'No,' meaning 'yes?' -Clue (Movie)

Let's us check my notes from the first act again : "This time I went out all happy pretending to be upset and they bought it again! I can (and will) do this all day, lol.?| They were convinced I was afraid of sugar. That's all an act. Do you know how much sugar is in a beer? Like, lots. Haha." It's a mild drink made with barley, that's what my bible says.

Then, I had a bead fixed upon the day and just lived in the moment all day, my work, well, it's Sabbath. My work has no business being, uh, worked. It's summer! Get out there and wander about, no? So, I did!

Finally, I ended up at a picnic and it was very clear to most people there exactly who I was supposed to be : some idiot. I fell for all the right hoaxes, and I only requested the finest food the way my people taught me. If you don't show up, you can't fail. How can you get an F if you're a NO-SHOW instead? Yes, exactly.

I asked some NPC rando if I could join their table, what I really desired was a place to sit, now I'd mastered the art of confusing myself into submission, while at the same time succumbing to my most prevalent desire : what's best for my body.

A few of my new table mates were very happy I'd been able to make it to the table (eventually). Others were not so sure. "How can this ... creature, this hungry, hungry MONSTER be allowed to not only SIT in a chair but also EAT the food he was given? Can we get a second opinion on this?"

The Chair Giver was all too happy to explain the story again : I asked, she offered, I sat, end of story.

"Thank you!" I said and I was immediately offered a beer by some professor of anatomy from the local mortuary. He never left school, he claims. Some say he's still there to this day, just sitting there in the dark, all the students long gone, as the tumbleweeds drift by. "Go home, professor!" I called out at the end of my meal. I'm sure he heard me, although some say he's sitting there to this day.

"Meanwhile..."

根据我的日历，我花了 11 个小时漫无目的地闲逛，盯着太阳，在主里昏倒，沿着我在那个东西上找到的地图，最终一大群人向我寻求指导。哈哈，是的，跟着那家伙哪儿也不去。好的，祝你好运。我是一个不太疯狂的作家，靠我发现的果酱包、咖啡伴侣（一种食用油产品）、番茄酱（含有醋、糖和西红柿）、番茄酱（在许多方面与番茄酱非常相似）为生。我逐渐减少了其他一切，因为我的祖母教我：如果他们给你放毒气，气体就会从你的肘部逸出，这毫无意义，但她是苏格兰人，而且有点怪。 “摩门教徒告诉我的！”我对我的肩膀天使说，人们用滑稽的眼神看着我，然后我就不再自言自语了。有人说我至今仍在自言自语。哦，写吧，文章、剧本、音乐和电视节目就是这样发生的。最重要的是：广告文案写作！一切都是为了钱，宝贝。广告是最好的部分！ “沃尔沃为您提供：F You。买一辆沃尔沃。否则。”

Gēnjù wǒ de rìlì, wǒ huāle 11 gè xiǎoshí màn wú mùdì de xiánguàng, dīngzhe tàiyáng, zài zhǔ lǐ hūndǎo, yánzhe wǒ zài nàgè dōngxī shàng zhǎodào dì dìtú, zuìzhōng yī dàqún rén xiàng wǒ xúnqiú zhǐdǎo. Hāhā, shì de, gēnzhe nà jiāhuo nǎ'er yě bù qù. Hǎo de, zhù nǐ hǎo yùn. Wǒ shì yīgè bù tài fēngkuáng de zuòjiā, kào wǒ fāxiàn de guǒjiàng bāo, kāfēi bànlǚ (yī zhǒng shíyòng yóu chǎnpǐn), fānqié jiàng (hányǒu cù, táng hé xīhóngshì), fānqié jiàng (zài xǔduō fāngmiàn yǔ fānqié jiàng fēicháng xiāngsì) wéi shēng. Wǒ zhújiàn jiǎnshǎole qítā yīqiè, yīnwèi wǒ de zǔmǔ jiào wǒ: Rúguǒ tāmen gěi nǐ fàng dúqì, qìtǐ jiù huì cóng nǐ de zhǒu bù yì chū, zhè háo wú yìyì, dàn tā shì sūgélán rén, érqiě yǒudiǎn guài. “Mó mén jiàotú gàosù wǒ de!” Wǒ duì wǒ de jiānbǎng tiānshǐ shuō, rénmen yòng huájī de yǎnshén kànzhe wǒ, ránhòu wǒ jiù bù zài zì yán zì yǔle. Yǒurén shuō wǒ zhìjīn réng zài zì yán zì yǔ. ó, xiě ba, wénzhāng, jùběn, yīnyuè hé diànshì jiémù jiùshì zhèyàng fāshēng de. Zuì zhòngyào de shì: Guǎnggào wén'àn xiězuò! Yīqiè dōu shì wèile qián, bǎobèi. Guǎnggào shì zuì hǎo de bùfèn! “Wò'ērwò wèi nín tígōng:F You. Mǎi yī liàng wò'ērwò. Fǒuzé.”

"At the end of the day," we say when we're gonna give you the bad news : I forget. The point is, writing is a form of art. It's tricky, but you're reading this and I'm drinking ketchup, so here we all are. Stenog my name down and move on! Like and subscribe, and I'm the only one who brings dip to AA, I was a laughing stock. Unlike the weasels in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988), I won't laugh myself to death. He who laughs, lasts, for stress is a killer, but, well, creation is messy? Something like that.

And now, this! You can stop reading now, the rest is just inane drivel, I've been told. I wrote it once I sobered up, so it probably makes no sense now.

Here's a poem by John Hawkins, why not, featuring Troy Birklett / Jarvis Lemon / Patrick Hawkins / Terence Prejean / Bruce Rhodes, I don't know what it's called :

Wanna be a baller, shot caller

Twenty inch blades on the Impala

A caller gettin' laid tonight

Swisher rolled tight, gotta sprayed by Ike

I hit the highway, making money then fly way

But there's got to be a better way

A better way, better way, yeah

I'ma baller, I'ma twenty inch crawler

Blades on Impala, diamond rottweiller

I, ten hauler, not a leader not follower

Break these boys off I'ma twenty inch crawler

Bust a left, a right, I'm outta sight, I'm throwed

I'm bouncin' off the road, I'm in a modem with them foe dem

Tiny tune hop out my big body form chain

With the Chong, can't forget Moet along

I'm hot, find me lookin' good, diamonds against my hood

Man it's understood got money in my hood

I'm pushing, big body can't stop me

For the nine, eight got to sell a million copy

Youtube : Bert and Ernie : "Hey Buddy You Wanna Buy an 8? You put it on the wall and you can remember how many legs an octopus has or if you forget what time you eat breakfast." Ernie spent all his money on 9s instead, in case he wants to remember how many players there are on a baseball team or what day the 9th of August is." Suddenly the 'salesman' isn't so interested and runs away. Ernie doesn't have much to say at the end either.

I'ma crawl slow puffin' on the Optimo hit the sto'

I'ma go real slow puffin' indo out the do'

I'ma lit the stash green, man, I'm lookin' clean

Want remote control screens with ice bezeltynes. NOPE! No money, no honey, baby. I ain't YOUR robot chicken, i'm THEIR robot chicken.

Do YOU wanna be a baller? A shot caller?

Did you have twenty inch blades on your Impala?

Were you a "caller," a preacher, judging people? Were you out to haul 'er back home like a deer on the hood, son? Were you gettin' laid that night? Ya think?

Were you swishin' while rolled tight, You wanna be sprayed-by-like?

CAUTION : DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL.

I hit the highway, making money the fly way

But there's got to be a better way

A better way, better way, yeah!

"How's your brain?"-Anonymous.

"I'll just take my ball and go home!" -Every kid, ever.

Big ballin'! smashin'!, makin' my ends ____, you got to!

Smokin' big killa, gettin' high in the Benz

[Bob the Tomato : nonplussed look]

Big ballin', smashin', makin' my ends

Smokin' big killa, gettin' high in the Benz

"When the pain leaves, where does the pain go? Where?" -Eminem's song.

In the wind smoke goes as I crawl down on Vogues

Twenty Lorenzo, smoke all up in my nose

Yo eyes, get froze, as you see my low

Candy red, two-do', let my top down slow

Hittin', my remote, sittin', in my shit

Presidential V-12 [redacted] with that AMG kit

It don't quit, as I get high

From K.C. to H-Town, connectin' South Side

Now we worldwide, watch me high side

Fat Pat blowin' killa, can't be denied

187 thugs, oh yeah, we got love [look it up on M-W , com]

Blowin' sticky green we flow through and above

Wanna be a baller, shot caller

Twenty inch blades on the Impala

A caller gettin' laid tonight

Swisher rolled tight, gotta sprayed by Ike

I hit the highway, making money the fly way

But there's got to be a better way

A better way, better way, yeah

Sittin' Fat Down South, rollin' Benz on blocks

Mo' scrilla I got, signin' with Shortstop

And that's for real, so tell me how you feel

To make a million dollars out my first record deal

Shortstop puttin' up your motherfuckin' ear

Really, really don't give a fuck and I ain't drinkin' on no beer

Codeine what I sip, pistol grip when I ride

Trunk hit fo' life baby it's South Side

We on a fuckin' mission Expedition Navigator

That's how we be ridin', alligator suitcasin'

Puttin' it in your face and that's for real

Shinin' harder than the grill it's the player Lil' Will

Down with the 2-Low, Yungstar be a thug

So nigga, nigga what? I'm down with Mo'Thugs

Mo'Thugs an' da Bone, you know it's goin' down

Represent that H-Town, pop trunks surround by sound

Wanna be a baller, shot caller

Twenty inch blades on the Impala

A caller gettin' laid tonight

Swisher rolled tight, gotta sprayed by Ike

I hit the highway, making money the fly way

But there's got to be a better way

A better way, better way, yeah

I gots to get better man, it gots to move on

Switched from Motorola to a PrimeCo phone

Broke in two chrome, now you know no dope pigeon

Used to count my spoke, now these hoes count my inches

Had to get older, man, it got colder

I done got grown and got a chip on my shoulder

Licks in Kuwait, got links in Pakistan

Boys don't understand virtual reality Caravan

Double doors, marble floors, naked hoes around me

Every time I'm comin' out, niggaz they wanna sign me

Got the Lil' Will diamond griller's

Blaze in the Benz and you can't forget Den-Den

Boobie diamond Ruby's | I'm watchin' on a movie

P.O.D. song from The Matrix "Neo" spells "One" in the video.

Drop the top it's cotton and you know I'm in a jacuzzi

Bourban and I'm swervin', man it's gettin' hot

ADVERTISEMENT : The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. NO COFFEE SHALL BE SERVED.

My last name Lemmon, drive my tight 'um off the lot, David Taylor

Wanna be a baller, shot caller

Twenty inch blades on the Impala

A caller gettin' laid tonight

Swisher rolled tight, gotta sprayed by Ike [I-95? hah]

I hit the highway, making money the fly way

But there's got to be a better way

A better way, better way, yeah

I hit the highway, everything's my way, I parley

Everyday all day, ain't no way

Boys can't stop as I slide through your neighborhood

Chop, chop, chop, headed straight to the top

I only play to win 'bout to close up shop

Show stoppin' dead end, pimp the pen once again

Peep the message I send

Take these levels that you devils can't comprehend

Big bout it Benz as I floss through the south

Big blue lens now whatcha talkin' about?

Close yo' mouth as I settle all scores

Scream and shout my similes and metaphors

Mansion doors I constantly close

All you hoes go and take off your clothes

Lord knows ain't no time to play

Commence to fuckin' and-a suckin' on the H.A.W.K.

Wanna be a baller, shot caller

Twenty inch blades on the Impala

A caller gettin' laid tonight

Swisher rolled tight, gotta sprayed by Ike

I hit the highway, making money the fly way

But there's got to be a better way

A better way, better way, yeahh

Do you really wanna be a baller AND a shot-caller? In this economy? That's for you to decide. I had to. You make your choices, my choice is TV & Film writing and I can sing too, just ask the county jailer. They're all fans of Weird Al Yankovic now, so add that to their list of accomplishments. It's make-believe. That's why we Art. You wanna be put down? That's what Television and Movies and Music are for the entire middle class. Not the top 10 percent. Not the bottom 10 percent, the 80 percent that does all the work. Their brains are... not well either. Reality bites, man. My people need me. Gotta hit the road, Jack. Sadly, rumors of my having not come back are highly exaggerated.

How has the economy affected the middle classes as they hang out with their favorite NEIGH-bores? For LinkedIn, I'm Calvin P. Berast. ~~~

P.O.D. "Sleeping Awake" from the Matrix II Soundtrack ^ ^ ^ -- watch it! OR ELSE. Shop Local. Don't forget to floss.