Ballad of a Loser

Ceros CRO Kevin Croxton thought he'd stumbled upon the perfect birthday gift for his friend and boss, Simon Berg. The area where they both live was rebuilding its community dock and to offset the cost of the dock, they were selling pavers residents could customize with a community-minded message. “Manson Family - Summer 2021”, for example, or “The Dude Abides”. Kevin’s public-facing paver would read: "Simon Berg is a Loser." 

Of course, Simon loved it. It was quite possibly one of the greatest gifts he’d ever gotten. But the fun had only just begun.

First, Kevin got an email from a woman with the dubious title of Director of Adult Recreation, who was in charge of the paver project. “I must say,” she wrote, “your message has garnered ‘cult status’ at this point. Everyone wants to put it on a t-shirt. It's become one of life's existential questions: "Who is Simon Berg?" and "Why is he such a loser?" Hope you'll invite him to the unveiling ceremony. Looking forward to meeting him.”

Cult status! It was clear this would be the gift that would keep on giving. Simon was thrilled. His neighbors, however, were less so.

Before long, the local message board went off like a bottle rocket, if they could find a way to make a bottle rocket that was entirely devoid of fun.  

“No one wants their kids reading something that says anyone is a loser... “one post read. “Inside joke or not, anyone reading that makes people think twice about the people that live in this community.”

Another message came from a resident who’d never once posted on this public forum in his 17 years there, but was now sufficiently inspired. “Bashing other people and other communities is not okay with most of us and should have no place in public space.” 

Luckily, cooler heads prevailed.

“This is so upsetting.:( I am hopeful that any and all bricks that are offensive or mean spirited will be removed swiftly!!! I KNOW we are better than this!!!”

You can see where this is going...The birthday paver was not to be, not this year anyway, but Kevin’s joke would live on, because Simon had these shirts made up to memorialize the outrage… and to remind us all not to take ourselves too seriously.