Balancing Work & Family: A Dad’s Playbook

A single question is routinely directed at busy working parents (particularly our society’s incredible and tirelessly devoted working mothers). That question is: “How do you balance work and family?”

This Father’s Day, I’d like to humbly share some of the lessons that my family and I have put into practice over the years. I’m sharing what I hope will be helpful rules of the road for balancing work and family responsibilities - as a busy dad, a busy parent or just a busy human!

1. No phones allowed at the table – At my house, we have a policy: No phones while we’re eating. Whether we’re gathered around the kitchen table, in our dining room or even huddled in front of a TV show, we’re present and in it together. We’re not scrolling through our personal devices. It’s a tough rule to follow in this day and age, when it seems like we’re required to be “on” constantly. But it makes it possible for our family to enjoy each other much more.
2. Be open with the family about work – My wife and I want the kids to know what the working world is all about. I regularly share stories with my kids about difficult workplace moments or crises that pop up, but I also share our accomplishments. When we launched the Aetna re-brand, I showed my children the work at a pretty early stage to get their feedback and make them feel a part of it. These kinds of interactions create better connectivity between family members.
3. Set ironclad rules around work travel – If you’re in a role that sometimes requires travel, I recommend setting some firm limitations on what you will and won’t do. For me, that means keeping my travel to a maximum of two nights away per week. I also decline to travel over Saturday nights, so that I’m always able to enjoy at least part of a weekend with my family. This rule has sometimes been difficult to uphold, but it’s also been a standard my kids can rely on.
4. Rely on your personal support network – I’m very fortunate to have a great partner in my wife. Because she’s a psychotherapist, she’s able to schedule her own hours, which allows her to attend the kids’ activities and address issues that come up during the day. I’ve frequently relied on her, in addition to our extended family, in busy work periods. Utilizing and leaning on your personal support network, whoever they may be, is critical for meeting life’s obligations.   
5. Bring your whole self to work – Becoming a father made me realize that everyone has a full life that I’m not necessarily aware of. I am interested in those lives, to the extent that people want to share with me – and I’m respectful of their time. That means I don’t go for last-minute crunches where people are going crazy the weekend before a presentation. I start early. And if someone has a personal commitment that takes them out of the office – it’s fine with me. I know they’ll get their work done. At Aetna, we believe in bringing your whole self to work. That means supporting each other in meeting our personal needs and achieving personal goals, in addition to hitting professional milestones. 

These are just some of the guidelines we follow as a family that help us to live in a balanced and satisfying way. My wish for each of you is that you’ll find your own rules of the road, and create your own path toward a better equilibrium in your life. Happy Father’s Day, everyone.

Please help me celebrate the occasion by sharing your own lessons on life balance in the comments below!