Balancing the guidance and grooming

Thanks to Mukalma for another insightful and important conversation today. As I reflected upon the conversation among some of the psychologists in the session and Dr. Shahid's further intriguing questions I said at one point that I see Freud and Roggers as poles apart while Adler provides us another dimension that is a balancing approach to look at the personality development of a child. Here I first elaborate on the three and then come back to how in Pakistan parents, teachers and significant others try to guide and groom children.

1. Sigmund Freud: Freud's psychoanalytic approach to me is very much directive, focusing on uncovering unconscious thoughts and motivations through techniques like free association, dream analysis, and interpretation. He mentions things more in black and white while the grey and less definitive parts of human psychology remain unaddressed. Parents and teachers in this paradigm play a central role, guiding the child/adolescent through do's and don'ts list mostly.
2. Carl Rogers: Rogers' person-centered non-directive approach emphasizes the individual's capacity for self-directed personal growth. Here comes the freedom of thought, expression and choice; where parents teachers or thers provide an environment of empathy, unconditional positive regard, and congruence, allowing the child/adolescent to explore their feelings and find their own solutions without direct intervention or dictation.
3. Alfred Adler (Humanist): Adler's individual psychology can be seen as a middle ground. He focuses on understanding the individual's lifestyle, goals, and social context; even the details like order of birth etc.. While the parents, teachers and other plays an active role in encouraging child to recognize and overcome their feelings of inferiority and strive for social connectedness, Adler emphasizes collaboration and empowerment. This approach is less directive than Freud's but more structured than Rogers' liberated approach, as it often involves setting goals with the individual and helping them think through things.

Now we may come back to the topic of child's guidance and grooming. A dictatorial mindset in parenting, and teaching is characterized by rigid authority and a directive approach, often places them in absolute control over their child's upbringing, leaving little room for the child’s individuality or autonomy. This approach prioritizes strict obedience, enforcing rules without explanation, and often suppresses the child’s ability to express their thoughts, emotions, or needs. While such upbringing and grooming may instill discipline in the short term, it often fosters fear, resentment, or dependency in children, hindering their social-emotional growth and critical thinking abilities. Over time, this rigidity can erode the parent-child relationship, as children may feel disconnected or undervalued, limiting their ability to develop self-confidence, resilience, and the capacity for independent decision-making.

The other end is a liberated mindset among parents and teachers, that is characterized by granting children and adolescents extensive freedom of choice, emphasizes individuality, autonomy, and self-expression. While this approach can foster creativity, confidence, and decision-making skills, an overemphasis on unrestricted freedom without boundaries can lead to confusion, a lack of self-discipline, and difficulty understanding social responsibilities. Children may struggle with decision-making or develop an unrealistic sense of entitlement, as they are not guided to navigate the balance between freedom and accountability. To truly empower children, this mindset requires a structured framework where autonomy is encouraged within clear, consistent boundaries, helping them make informed choices while understanding the consequences of their actions.

Balancing between a directive and non-directive approach allows parents and teachers to provide the necessary support and scaffolding while fostering open communication and independence in children. This balanced approach involves setting clear boundaries and expectations to ensure structure and guidance, while also creating a safe, empathetic space for children to express their thoughts, emotions, and ideas. By actively listening and encouraging collaboration, adults can help children navigate challenges and develop problem-solving skills without feeling overly controlled or entirely left to their own devices. Scaffolding gradually reduces as the child gains confidence and competence, promoting autonomy while maintaining a nurturing relationship. This balance not only supports social-emotional development but also builds resilience, critical thinking, and a strong sense of self.