Balancing confidence and humility: Confility, Humfidence or trapped in something else?

Consider a time when you felt incredibly confident. You were in your zone and deserved to experience positivity.?You were on top of things, making all the right moves. You were in the zone.?Your wellbeing was being fed and you were happy. You were ‘in flow’. ?You want that feeling more. You know it can positively impact others too.

In the book The Confidence Code psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes being ‘in flow’ as “…perfect concentration; the alignment of one’s skills with the task at hand.”

We’re attracted to confidence. It inspires us to follow great leaders. Can you have too much confidence? What’s the shadow side? Too much confidence? Is that arrogance?

What’s the line between the two? It seems to be humility.?

True confidence is a resilient characteristic that can stand up to a lot.?Leaders can be confident ‘back-stage’ ‘at the side’ and also ‘in front’. Stand back and make room for others’ thoughts and ideas, letting them shine is confidence too.

The two elements of confidence and humility intertwine in every interaction we have, and learn how to develop the perfect blend of both.

Confidence and Humility?

Confidence and humility have roles to play in making in being respected as a leader.

The balance of both can be delicate as leadership self-deprecation can be at play. In Good To Great Jim Collins shares the paradoxical duality of these two traits. As a Systemic Executive Coach I have often heard leaders share that they want to keep their personal cards close to their chest, they don’t want to be vulnerable or even ‘friends’ with their people. However, professional will and personal humility is what creates great companies—those that have gone form, well ‘good’ to ‘great’.

What Feeds Confidence?

Getting the perfect blend of confidence and humility requires knowing ourselves. It includes having enough Authority – experiences, skills, qualifications, track record, Presence – the right behaviours and adaptability plus Impact – clarity on what is needed and the impact that needs creating, for whom when (API Model, Hawkins and Smith 1998). ?

93% of use believe we are better than average drivers. 94% of professors rate their teaching impact as better than average. The list goes on…

Is this over confidence or under humility?

The most incompetent people are the most likely to overestimate themselves. The space between how good we are at something?and how good we?think?we are at something is often huge! This is the Dunning-Kruger effect.?

Our brains can be peculiar when it comes to confidence, humility and self-evaluation.

What’s your Rating on Confidence and humility?

Knowing where we are now, even asking others for more accurate 360 data and comparing that to what we think, is the first step. Gender, age, geographical location, religion, social class, collectivist v individualist society… so many things are at play. In studies, Columbia Business School found that men, on average, rate their performance to be 30% better than it is. Psychologist David Dunning shares that where you fall on the spectrum varies by your world and your culture. Eastern cultures are more likely to value self-improvement, while Western culture respect self-esteem.

Low Confidence

In The Confidence Code?there are many anecdotes to ways low confidence manifests itself such as procrastination, lack of salary negotiation, hesitation, negative self-talk… The list goes on.

These points may be of use:

-?????Delete perfectionism

-?????Take risks

-?????Observe your own body language

-?????Consider your self-talk and ensure if it is compassionate

-?????Accept praise.

Over Confidence

Behaviours to look out for include veering into arrogance, lack of patience and ego. Eckhart Tolle shares that many people who are good at what they do are sabotaged by their own ego or need for personal recognition.

These suggestions may be of use:

-?????Listen before speaking

-?????Admit you don’t know

-?????Serve others

-??????Hare mistakes and learning from them.

The Home Straight

Cameron Anderson, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, examined confidence in students and found that those with the greatest confidence (even when the confidence was misplaced) “…achieved the highest social status…” including respect, prominence, and influence.

“Despite being the less competent students, they ended up being the most respected and had the most influence with their peers.”

Their confidence did not come across as narcissistic or arrogant because they were authentic and supported others.

With a focus on humility and life-long confidence can be beneficial. For example, entrepreneurial mindsets and personalities

The relationship between confidence and humility is impact. Which one is your growth edge? ?

Excited to hear all of your thought below…