A Balancing Act: Wife, Mom, Employee

There’s this whole notion of ‘work-life balance’ but in my opinion, it’s more like ‘work-life integration.’

You see, in today’s age it’s hard to shut off work because we are so connected. One faint ding on my phone and I would drop everything I was doing to see what the message was about and respond to it in record time. I would pride myself on always being available, 24/7. What I didn’t realize was how this affected my family.

I don’t behave like that anymore. I’ve learned to separate myself from work and be more present as a wife and mother. Being “on” 24/7 wasn’t good for me (or anybody for that matter), and certainly wasn’t good for my family.

So, how do you juggle it all?

1. Set boundaries. When you’re at work, be present at work and when you go home allow yourself to be present with your family. You want your kids to remember you playing with them on the floor versus being addicted to your phone the entire night. When my daughter (age 9) told me “Mommy, what’s so important on your phone that you can’t play with me?” I knew that it was time for me to change.
2. DIGITAL DETOX. I’ve written many articles about this and can’t stress it enough. Try going an entire Saturday without your phone/tablet. You’ll a) realize how much you’re addicted and b) you’ll realize how much freedom you actually have and how much more present you are. I highly recommend doing this at least once a month.
3. Digital Devices Box. We – my husband and two kids – have a box where we put all of our electronic devices in every night when we get home from work/school. No one is allowed to play on their device from 6p when we get home until 8p. That includes us, the parents! Every night we sit on the carpet and go around the room asking “what was your favorite and least favorite part of the day?” We are present. We are listening. All the digital noise is removed and you can become present with your family.
4. Date night. Make sure you don’t get in a rut where all you ever do is talk about work and kids with your spouse. PHYSICALLY put “date night” on your calendar. Maybe it’s once a week, maybe once a month. Whatever it is, PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR (or it won’t happen) and stick to it! Make a conscious effort to not talk about work/kids the entire time. Go back to the dating phase!
5. Set expectations with your employer. Make it clear that you work incredibly hard during the day and that you’ll do your best to be available after hours if needed but that your goal is to have a good work-life integration. I’ve done this at several companies and it’s gone over very well. I actually think more respect was given to me for presenting my overall goals and reveal expectations.

Try a couple of these tactics and comment on how they’re working for you below! It’s taken years but I finally feel like I have a good work-life integration and have time to focus on my family.