A Balancing Act: Empathy vs Apathy by Scott Markham

Toughness doesn’t mean being harsh—it means standing by decisions and holding the line when necessary, while still being approachable and supportive.

During my time working in HR, I’ve seen firsthand how addressing employee issues with a mix of assertiveness and empathy can make a world of difference. Here are five true stories of employees with unique challenges how managers and HR professionals handled these situations—and how things could have gone wrong if the approach had been ineffective. (Names have been altered to protect identities. But you probably know who you are.)

Tardy Trixie

Trixie had a chronic issue with punctuality. Despite her exceptional work, her consistent tardiness was affecting team meetings, project timelines, teamwork, and morale. Her manager, Katya, decided to address the issue head-on in a private meeting. Katya expressed her concerns about how Trixie’s lateness was impacting the team but approached the conversation with understanding. Together, they came up with a solution that accommodated Trixie’s schedule by adjusting her start time slightly. This change ensured that she could manage her obligations while still meeting her responsibilities. Over time, Trixie’s punctuality improved, and the team’s productivity and morale rose.

Why It Worked: Katya’s direct and empathetic approach helped Trixie feel valued, not criticized. By collaborating on a solution, the manager demonstrated flexibility while holding Trixie accountable, fostering mutual respect and motivation.

If It Didn’t Work: If the issue had been handled insensitively, such as by reprimanding Trixie harshly or setting rigid demands, it could have backfired. Trixie might have felt unappreciated and singled out despite her high-quality work, leading to disengagement. This resentment could have affected her performance and strained her relationship with the team. Over time, other employees might have grown frustrated with the lack of effective leadership and perceived unfairness, damaging overall team morale.

Underperforming Uma

Uma was struggling to meet her performance targets, which was affecting the team’s overall success. Her HR manager, Thurman, approached the situation methodically, reviewing Uma’s performance data and scheduling a performance review. Thurman acknowledged Uma’s efforts while addressing the performance gaps and worked with her to identify obstacles holding her back. Together, they developed a plan that included additional training and clear, achievable goals. With these supports in place, Uma’s performance steadily improved, and she regained her confidence.

Why It Worked: Thurman’s structured yet compassionate approach allowed Uma to see that she wasn’t being attacked, but rather supported. By focusing on solutions and providing resources, Thurman gave Uma the tools she needed to succeed, which also improved her morale and competence.

If It Didn’t Work: If Thurman had focused solely on criticism without providing constructive feedback or support, Uma might have felt overwhelmed and defeated. Without a clear improvement plan, her confidence could have eroded further, leading to worse performance and eventual burnout. Other team members might have had to pick up the slack, causing frustration and resentment. In a worst-case scenario, Uma’s lack of progress might have led to her dismissal, which could have further disrupted the team and necessitated a costly hiring process.

Toxic Tim

Tim had a toxic attitude that was negatively impacting team morale. His constant negativity and unwillingness to collaborate created tension among his colleagues. Tim’s manager, Glinda, and HR Manager, Elfie, held a joint meeting with him to address his behavior. They outlined specific examples of his toxic actions and explained the impact on the team. While they were firm about the need for immediate change, they also sought to understand any personal issues that might have been driving his behavior. With their support, including access to counseling services, Tim gradually improved his attitude, and the team dynamic became more positive.

Why It Worked: By combining assertiveness with empathy, Glinda and Elfie tackled the problem without alienating Tim. They addressed the root causes of his behavior and showed a willingness to support him, fostering trust and encouraging positive change.

If It Didn’t Work: If the issue had been ignored or poorly handled, the situation could have escalated. Tim’s toxic attitude might have worsened, driving a wedge between team members and lowering overall morale. Some employees could have felt unsupported and decided to leave the company, while others might have adopted similar negative behaviors, further damaging the workplace environment. In the end, the team’s productivity and cohesion could have been severely impacted, creating a cycle of dysfunction.

Resistant Raven

Raven had a habit of resisting company policies and pushing back against management directives, causing friction within her team. "That's so Raven," her teammates would quip. HR and management decided to address her behavior with a candid conversation. They made it clear that adherence to policies was essential but also encouraged her to share her perspective. Raven opened up about her concerns, and the team worked together to address some of the issues she raised. By involving her in discussions about company policies, they fostered a sense of inclusion and ownership. Over time, Raven became more cooperative and aligned with the company’s vision.

Why It Worked: Taking the time to listen to Raven and involve her in policy discussions made her feel respected and valued. This collaborative approach encouraged her to see the bigger picture and take more ownership of her role in the company’s success.

If It Didn’t Work: If management had taken a more authoritarian approach, such as enforcing policies without hearing Raven’s concerns, she might have grown even more resistant. Her behavior could have become more combative, causing further tension within the team. If her resistance was ignored altogether, other employees might have become frustrated with the lack of accountability, creating a ripple effect of noncompliance. This could have led to a breakdown in teamwork and weakened adherence to company standards.

Absent Alvin

Alvin had frequent unplanned absences, disrupting project timelines and team coordination. His manager, Simon, and the HR team decided to have an honest conversation with him about his attendance issues. During the discussion, Alvin revealed that he was dealing with personal challenges with his partner, Theodore, that were impacting his ability to maintain a consistent schedule. In response, the company provided him with flexible working hours and access to counseling services. This accommodation helped Alvin address his challenges, and his attendance and engagement improved over time.

Why It Worked: Addressing the issue with empathy and offering tailored support showed Alvin that the company cared about his well-being. This approach not only improved his attendance but also strengthened his commitment to the organization.

If It Didn’t Work: If Simon had handled the issue without understanding Alvin’s circumstances, such as issuing warnings or penalizing him without offering support, Alvin might have felt unsupported and withdrawn further. This could have resulted in continued absences or even resignation, leaving the team shorthanded and disrupting project progress. Other employees might have also felt uneasy, perceiving a lack of understanding or compassion from management, which could have hurt overall morale. Alvin and Theodore lived happily ever after.

In each of these scenarios, the difference between success and failure came down to how the issue was addressed. Combining assertiveness with empathy allowed managers and HR professionals to resolve problems while fostering trust, respect, and engagement. On the other hand, mishandling these situations could have led to disengagement, resentment, and a breakdown in teamwork. Ultimately, the right approach not only resolves immediate challenges but also strengthens the workplace culture, creating a more productive and positive environment for everyone.

When empathy and toughness are balanced, they create a framework of compassionate accountability. This balance allows leaders to address issues constructively while maintaining fairness and promoting growth.