Balance, Schmlance....

I recently had the honor of speaking at the Inaugural Arizona State University Panhellenic PowHer Conference about Work/Life Balance. I am truly passionate about this subject and was thrilled to learn that young women are thinking about Work/Life at the beginning of their career path.  Aside… Does anyone besides me hear Ariel signing “sick of swimming, ready to stand” in their head when the phrase “young women” is used?  No? Just me? Okay, moving on.

A lot has been written and spoken about Work/Life Balance over the years. As an eighties child, I grew up with that Enjoli commercial extolling me to “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, ever let you forget you’re the man”. Granted, it was only a 30 second commercial, but it had a fairly large impact. I, along with most of my generation, grew up with the concept that “having it all” meant “doing it all” and that in order to be happy, we needed to ensure we had those dreaded words… a Work/Life Balance.

In my opinion, what is wrong with that phrase is the word “balance”. It is as if you are sitting on a teeter-totter and your work and your life are on competing planes. If you do more on one side, the other side dips and your butt hits the ground – hard. Ouch. What has worked better for me is think of it as “Work/Life Tradeoffs or Work/Life Integration and continually adjust my priorities as needed and necessary.   

As part of my speech, I’ve came up with a few take-aways that I’ve learned along my way from wiser women and men than I, which along with my own experiences and not a few self-help books, I follow as I continually try to “have it all”.   

• Pick the right partner. If you want a long term partnership/marriage as part of your “have it all”, you need someone by your side that wants your success as much as theirs.
• Make sure you have a squad. Taylor Swift might be right. Having a great group of friends to celebrate, commiserate and be your child’s emergency contact is a necessity.
• Pick your employer wisely. Make your career decisions not just about the position and benefits but also about the company you choose.  Your colleagues become your work family and the corporate culture influences your lifestyle, so you better be sure you want them to be a part of your life.
• Know your non-negotiables. For me, I won’t miss the significant moments in my kids’ life.  For a good friend, it’s exercise because she’s a better mother and business woman when she feels healthy.  For you, it might be making Vice President by forty.  Non-negotiables are personal and don’t be afraid to make your choices.
• Learn to say no. At times, for the greater good or for your own mental health or family stability, you will need to lean back, stand down and say no. It might be hard but the more confident you get saying NO when it comes to your non-negotiables, the easier it gets. And if people don’t understand … that’s their issue, not yours.
• Live with the guilt. Spending too much time at work, not spending enough time at work, buying Rotisserie Chicken from Safeway for the Swim Team potluck - there is always guilt.  Guilt is okay. It’s the gut-check to determine if we need to make adjustments in our trade-offs.
• Know you are lucky. Recognize there are women, men and families whose challenge is surviving life, let alone enjoying it. “How am I going to find time to bake classroom cupcakes" is a very different question than "How am I going to put food on the table”.
• Help someone else. If you are lucky enough to be able to worry about your own Work/Life Balance, spend some of the time you use questioning your choices by helping someone else.  You will gain perspective, be a good example for your children and make the world a better place. 

So see, it’s easy, right? Yeah, right. Learning to navigate the complexities of “having it all” is a lifelong project. But it is worthwhile to work on being happy while defining your own success.  Good luck!