The balance of over- and under-stepping

Today’s post was inspired in part by a recent trip to the dentist. Stay with me here—I promise it will all make sense!

Over the last year, I’ve been going to see a prosthodontist named Walter Schneider, D.D.S. (He’s amazing! Look him up if you’re in Houston!) I’ve had several appointments with him, so I’ve had a lot of time to observe how his practice works.

From the very first moment of my first appointment, I was blown away by the teamwork in Dr. Schneider’s office. In particular, I noticed how in-sync my doctor is with his assistant, Pauline. They’re an amazing team, and they seem to have a great relationship and a lot of trust.

What impressed me the most is their working dynamic: They constantly give each other feedback as they work together, and I have never seen Dr. Schneider micromanage Pauline. It always feels like they are truly collaborating.

During my last appointment, I asked them to tell me their secrets to being a great team. Here’s what I learned:

• They’ve been working together for almost 30 years! That in itself is amazing and speaks volumes.
• Dr. Schneider said that they respect each other and “don’t tell lies.” When I asked him what he meant by that, he said that if they have feedback for each other, they give it. For example, if Pauline doesn’t like the way he says something, she tells him so that he can learn from it and change the way he says it next time. And they commit to that honesty in a timely manner: If they have feedback to give to one another, they give it right after the patient leaves so that they can learn from it and grow from it together.
• Finally, he said that it’s very clear what each other’s roles and responsibilities are. They understand that they both have to do their part in order to give their patients the best care. Pauline added that she doesn’t ever feel like Dr. Schneider is getting into her lane or that she’s getting into his. But if that ever happened, she said, they would give each other feedback about that.?

This kind of working dynamic is something I’ve always strived for. I want to be the kind of leader who doesn’t micromanage. I want to empower my team, I want to collaborate with them, and I want them to feel the trust I have in them. I always feel like this is an area where I can grow, which is why I’ve been fascinated by watching Dr. Schneider and Pauline.

I’ve been thinking about over- and under-stepping as a leader a lot. It’s actually one of my biggest insecurities. It’s confusing for me because sometimes, when I think I’m overstepping, the team tells me they find it helpful. And other times, I feel I’m empowering them, but then they tell me they need more guidance.

During our most recent 360 review, I decided to ask my team to give me specific feedback in this area. The question I asked them was, “Where do you see me under-stepping and where do you see me overstepping?” I wanted them to give me examples.

From their feedback, I learned of recent times in which I had overstepped, which seemed to be the area where I had the most room for growth. It was helpful for them to explain specific instances where this has happened so that I could learn and reflect on what I can do differently in the future.?

But we also realized that this is an area I really cannot grow in without their immediate feedback. I told the team that it would be really helpful to me if they tell me in the moment when I’m over- or under-stepping. I think that’s what Dr. Schneider and Pauline have mastered in their relationship. So that’s what I asked my team to do for me: If they ever feel that I’m overstepping, I asked them to tell me, “We’ve got it.” And if they feel I’m not stepping in to help enough, I asked them to tell me, “We need you.” It’s going to help me better serve them as a leader, and it’s going to help us work better together as a team.

The other factor in this balance, as Dr. Schneider and Pauline mentioned, is how crucial it is to know and understand each other’s roles. Knowing each other’s responsibilities and our own can help us feel empowered when we’re working in our own lanes, but it can also help us hold each other accountable and speak up when we think someone is drifting into our lane.

The point is that we need each other. We must have the courage to ask the tough questions and receive feedback to grow. And we must have the courage to give feedback to those we care about. It really doesn’t work without all sides of the equation.

Hope this gets you thinking!

Big hugs,

Kristen