Balance

Balance

This is such an interesting concept and one that I struggled with understanding for such a long time. If you know me, you know I spent close to 25 years in the Engine Industry with a focus on Mining, and Oil & Gas, and Currently have been in the Mortgage industry coming up on 4 years.

I have always heard so much on work life balance and I honestly have looked, studied and listened to those that claim to have this perfect balance. After studying, reading books and listening I have some to one conclusion- Work Life Balance is a crock of Shit! You will never have balance, meaning you have this perfect balance of time devoted to your life and work. If you are a successful, driven, productive individual this is just not going to happen. I listened to a podcast where the individual talked about how great his work life balance was and then gave his schedule, I am sorry but 1 hour a night walking the dog or playing with your children is not balance and scheduled time with your spouse is not balance. While that may work for some that is not an answer or a solution.

???????????????In many ways I don’t think you will ever achieve a perfect balance, there is just not enough time in the day to work, and spend quality time and be successful, Man cannot serve two masters.

???????????????After 25 years in one industry and 4 years in another and spending the amount of time I have with successful individuals and businessmen I have had a lot of people to observe and learn from and one thing I can tell you is I have not seen one of them have what we would define as Balance.

???????????????If you ask my wife-(whom by the way is an amazing woman and I am so thankful to have someone like her in my life, I know I am luck to still be married and if she was not the individual she is I would not have even had the opportunity to make the change and keep my family.) ?I always worked and took little time with the family when I worked the Engine Industry, and as I look back, she is probably correct. I would spend a lot of time out on the road building relationships, working on deals, solving problems, I met a ton of awesome individuals and learned a lot during those years, but I also neglected those that I was doing it for, telling myself it was ok because I was doing it for my family.

???????????????While my separation from the company I had worked for all those years was and is still ugly, what they may not know and what many don’t is that I was already planning on making an exit due to a conversation I had with my wife in December of 2018. It was a conversation that had a big impact on me. At the time my oldest was 15 years old, I started traveling shortly after his birth in efforts to make more money and go off into the sales world full time. By the time he was 15 I had missed more than half of his birthdays and felt like I had zero relationship with him and not much to even talk about. He is an amazing young man, but I didn’t even know him let alone my younger two children, I could count on one hand the amount of sporting events I made it to and missed out on really being a father to my oldest. I had been traveling more and more, taking on more responsibility with the promise of more home time – the carrot that you never quite get. It had been a typical weekend I got home on a Friday, had some time with the family, been on calls all weekend with techs in the field or unhappy clients with engine problems, ended up arguing with my wife hoping on an airplane and heading back out to work. I called my wife after arriving at my location, I proceeded to pick up the argument where it left off and asked her what her problem was, being arrogant and telling her all the luxuries she had and asked what her problem was, her response made an impression on me, she said” are you here?” my response was “No, I’m in Texas this week.” She said “Exactly and when you are here your not here, your on your phone dealing with someone else and not with us, Maybe we just want you to be present with us!” . This was an eye opener for me, all the material items didn’t mean to them what it did to me, they wanted me.

???????????????My life was so out of balance I could not even see it until it was pointed out to me. At that time, we decided it was time for a change and we were going to make that change come June. The change was made sooner for me than I expected, and I had to take a real look hard look at where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.

???????????????I read a Book “High Trust Selling by Todd Duncan” I did this on the recommendation of a dear friend Dan Munford that had been telling me for years that he could tell I was unhappy and needed to make a change and I should read this book. I listened to the book on my way to a Job interview in AZ, due to the same thing I had been doing for the last 25 years. I got done with the interview and it all went well, I would have a similar Job to what I was doing and would make similar money. I flew home and finished the book on the flight home and realized I needed something different. I went home and talked with my wife, and she said she would be by my side and support me with anything I wanted to do.

???????????????I made the jump into the Mortgage industry and felt like I would make sure I have perfect Balance now that I can make my own schedule and not feel like I was subject to someone on overwatch. But let’s be honest we are always accountable to someone and first and most of all ourselves.

???????????????If you ask my wife still today, she will tell you I work to much, but I would argue that I may work but I am able to enjoy the things in life that are important.

???????????????To Sum it up and not write a novel here is how I would define work/ life Balance: ?To have work/life balance you need to prioritize those things that are important to you in your personal and work life. You need to make sure your family and your clients know of their importance to you and your boundaries. I am still willing to take a late phone call or work through a file on a weekend or late at night, but I am not going to miss my children’s activities or special moments to do so. When I sit down with clients, I explain that to them I set those boundaries. I will never have perfect balance, and if someone tells you they do I would bet they are full of shit. But you can make sure those people in your life that you do everything for know and feel how important they are to you. Tell you wife, children, close friends you love them, make sure you show up and are present at their events, take a moment to go to lunch with your children and leave the phone in the pocket or in the vehicle, get to know them and what they are struggling with. I have so many regrets in life with my oldest son, he is such an amazing young man, and my wife is the one that can take all the credit for him, I missed out because I prioritized work over him. I can never get that time back, but I can learn from my mistakes. Balance is a word people toss around like they are experts on the subject but when it comes down to it there is no such thing in business and life, its how we prioritize and the actions we take to live our best.?