The Balance Between Self-Care and Escapism

I’ll admit, since the holidays I’ve been in a struggle to hold balance for myself. I’ve been voraciously reading book after book, all of them fantasy. I’ve found myself sucked into these worlds, the characters and following along on their struggles and what they overcome. It’s been a beautiful escape into a fantasy world that I feel like I’m living in.

But what I’m realizing is that while reading has always been a form of self-care for me, there is a line that I’ve been dancing around.

Escapism.

In psychology, escapism is when a person routinely uses an activity or behavior to escape life's realities. It is a way of distracting the mind.

Sometimes this is a good thing. Using escapism to “check out” for a little bit doing an activity that’s only purpose is to pull you from reality and support your well-being. This can be good when it’s reading, working out, playing games, etc. It can be bad with alcohol, substance use, or other self-harming activities.

But what happens when those “good” activities become self-harming? When you spend so much time out of reality that it becomes harmful you and your reality?

I’ve been reflecting on this line recently. As someone whose made it through about 15 (500+ page) books in just January alone, I’m noticing that sometimes self-care, when taken to the extreme, can become a harmful form of escapism.

This has been a tough pill to swallow. “But reading is good!” I tell myself. But I’m noticing my house is a bit more unkempt, my family is starting to feel neglected, and I’ve spent considerably less time connecting with friends and colleagues and putting effort into my business - all in favor of reading.

Reading feels good and it’s controllable. It’s easy. What started as a way to unwind has become a way to avoid responsibilities. And when it’s been my go-to daily activity for so long, it’s become a habit that’s difficult to break. I’ve struggled to find the will to want to do anything else.

I’d been getting occasional comments from my husband and kids about being checked out. Sometimes I can see the lack of balance myself, but sometimes others help me recognize it first.

I realized that it’s time for a change. Time to kick the habit back down to a better balance that allows me to be present for my daily activities and responsibilities while also maintaining that love of reading.

This is why self-care is a balance. When we notice it falling too far one way or the other, it’s important to recognize the sign that something needs to be edited. To reset into a balance that allows for self-care, but also continuing with the needs, wants and fulfillment of daily life.

I share this as a moment of authenticity and vulnerability for all of you, so that you recognize that this stuff happens to all of us. It’s important to recognize the signs that rebalance is needed in order to continue growing. That self-care is necessary and should be prioritized, but should not become a way to avoid responsibilities and escape reality for an extended period of time.

The real world is here, not in your book or video game. And that real world and it’s humans need you, too.

Have you ever experienced this? What was it like? How did you rebalance yourself?