Bailey, Poop, and Workplace Dynamics: The Unholy Trinity

Yes. You read that correctly. My dog refuses to poop.

REFUSES.

Right, let me paint a picture of this level of insubordination I have been involuntarily exposed to.

It’s Utrecht, it’s cold. And by cold, I mean, talking-about-going-back-to-Africa kinda cold. It’s 1 degree outside, so naturally, the real feel is -5.(!?).

The dogs and I have a pow-wow, a team talk, as we get prepared for the morning walk. The goal is simple: go out, get it out, go home. Plan confirmed with a group growl. We embark on said expedition.

I am convinced and pleased that the pearly gates will welcome Bear- the good dog she is. She understood the memo. Two minutes into the walk, she got it out. Success.

Unlike Bailey. The treacherous little bitch.

She did no pooping here. Too long and lush for her. She has requirements to complete the mission. They are as follows:

1. The grass must be the perfect shade of green and the ideal height. Not too tall to tickle her bits (fair enough, gal), but not too short, to resemble concrete where she would be exposed to the elements.
2. There must be NO crowding. The two other dogs must give her enough space to make her ablutions in peace. Pulling them away must be done without disturbing her.
3. No other dogs, people, or distractions in her vicinity. If someone so much as breathes in her direction, she will suck it back in and glare at me with indignation.
4. The location must be far enough from the starting point of the walk. Anything too close is unacceptable.
5. If you ask her to hurry up, she will, out of principle, look you in the eye and fake squat as a power play move. This is her POWER POSE.

Once all the above is satisfactory, Medusa shall complete her business.

WHY AM I TELLING YOU ABOUT BAILEY’S POOP?

No, this is not a desperate attempt to get you to walk my dog (although, applications are open at the bottom). I am telling you this because Bailey is the perfect metaphor for workplace dynamics.

Hear me out.

Bailey is the classic example of a professional who knows what they need to perform at their best and refuses to settle for less. In work, like in pooping, conditions matter.

How many times have we convinced ourselves to just accept a process, a system, or a way of working that doesn’t quite fit? It’s not efficient, but it’s there, so we think, “Well, maybe this is as good as it gets.” Bailey would rather hold it in than lower her standards.

And frankly? She’s got a point.

Let’s break this down.

• Right Conditions Matter

You don’t just settle for the first idea or solution that presents itself. Bailey doesn’t just poop because there’s grass. The setting, the structure, the efficiency—it all needs to align.

• Space is Non-Negotiable

Have you ever tried to force a team to work faster without giving them time to think? Yeah, didn’t work, did it? Bailey needs space, time, and the right moment. Productivity and innovation are the same.

• Distractions Kill the Focus

Imagine trying to complete an important project while your inbox is blowing up and Slack notifications are pinging every two seconds. Exactly. If the moment isn’t right, it won’t happen. Bailey will not be pressured.

• Timing is Key

Rushing into a decision? Bad idea. Sticking with an outdated process? Also bad. There’s a right moment for everything, and forcing it doesn’t work. Bailey is a master of timing.

• Boundaries are Necessary for Success

If you expect people to perform at their best but don’t respect their working style? Red flag. If you ignore what your team needs? Also red flag. Bailey has boundaries, and she will not be rushed. Know your worth, and respect the process.

And let’s talk about that power move.

Bailey’s fake squat is the workplace equivalent of the infamous “circle back” email. It’s the “noted” in a Slack message. It’s when an employee appears busy but is really just waiting for the right conditions to actually get the work done. We all do it. Bailey is just bold enough to own it.

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM BAILEY?

Work should never be about mindless conformity. It should challenge us, push us to improve, and make us experience more than we would on our own. Just like Bailey drags her furry siblings to new parts of the park, the best work environments encourage exploration, growth, and fresh ideas.

But, and here’s the key part, that doesn’t mean just any disruption is good. There’s a difference between a workplace that disrupts inefficiency in a productive way and one that creates unnecessary chaos.

Bailey is a disruptor. She refuses to settle. And while she is, let’s face it, a bit of a diva, there’s something admirable about knowing what you need to thrive and sticking to it.

So, in work, in leadership, and yes, even in pooping—be a Bailey. Set your standards. Know your worth. And don’t let anyone rush you into something that doesn’t feel just right.

P.S. I wrote all this just to convince myself that Bailey is an innovator and not just taking the piss with me. PUN INTENDED.

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