Be a Bad Listener

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“Derek, are you a pussy? Sometimes I wonder if you’re just too afraid to touch the puck.”?

Those were the words my high school hockey coach said to me the moment I decided to give up on myself and quit on my dreams. I was fifteen years old, five foot nothing, and I couldn’t have weighed in at more than 135 pounds. From the time my late father taught me to skate at the age of six, I had dreamed of playing hockey for the Minnesota Gophers one day. Instead, I shut my mouth and didn’t say a word in response. I just picked up my gear, skated off the ice forever, and never returned.

My spirit was crushed.?

Twenty-five years later, I often think about that interaction and wonder how different things would be, had I just not listened to what my coach said to me that day. The following year I hit my growth spurt. I put on nearly 30 pounds and grew 6 inches. I didn’t have a single pair of pants that fit me longer than a month. At the start of the next school year, another coach [acting shocked to see how much I had grown] approached me in the hall to ask if I was going out for the team that winter. Obviously, I said “no,” and I just went about my day without any reasoning. That coach didn’t know that I thought I wasn’t good enough or strong enough when I thought of hockey, and I certainly didn’t believe in myself. Even with my newfound frame, I would never see myself like I once did on the ice.?

As a father of a tiny ten-year-old boy, I see a lot of myself in him. Playing competitive sports, I get to hear all about the dreams of playing professional baseball, football, basketball, and even golf. There’s even time left over for a singing & acting career with a potential run for president someday. Depending on how much time he will have and if his coaches will let him play multiple sports. There is no stopping his confidence and belief in himself. That depends on who he listens to as he continues to get older and encounters adversity.

When I watch him play, I don’t try and coach him from the sidelines. I don’t get all over him for his stance, shot, or hustle (occasionally, I remind him to pay attention). All I do is remind him of how much I believe in him. When I see or hear something that could distract him from his dream, I counterbalance it with positivity. We’re best friends, well actually he is my best friend. He always wants to hang out with me, and he never judges me. It sounds like best friend material if you ask me. And as my best friend, I pretend I’m standing over myself as a fifteen-year-old young man, being called a “pussy” by a guy who likely to this day has “short man syndrome,” and I punch him in the face. Not to injure the guy, but more so to guard my best friend from nonsense. The kind of nonsense that can crush his spirit. After years of coaching youth sports, playing sports, and, more importantly, wanting something so badly, there’s nothing worse than witnessing someone you love give up on themselves.

In business, I see this all the time. For years I was afraid of saying what I truly wanted for fear that someone would tell me I couldn’t have it. Or that I wasn’t smart enough to get it or strong enough to earn it. This article was written because of how inspired I was after reading Bob Goff’s latest book “Dream Big.” Bob has an entire chapter dedicated to asking yourself, “what do you want?” I found it relative for so many reasons but mainly because often, I’m not honest enough about what I actually want. I’m too worried about how I might be perceived. In this particular chapter, Bob paraphrases the story of Jesus healing the blind man. How Jesus asked the blind man, “what do you want me to do for you?” Bob expresses how Jesus already knew the answer to his question, and he likely just wanted the blind man to take ownership of what he, in fact, actually did want. “Jesus, I want to see!”??

My son is ten years old. He hasn’t had a chance to answer the question of what he wants in life, so who would I be if I took away his options. Who would his coaches or critics be if they did as well? They would be just like my hockey coach at 15 years old, crushing his spirit and destroying his confidence. How would you feel if you missed out on a World Series, a Super Bowl, a green jacket, an Oscar, an NBA title, or a grammy? Probably not as awful as causing someone else to miss out on it. It sounds drastic and likely unrealistic, but what if it wasn’t. You don’t know what you don’t know.

I create a lot of original content, and over the years, I’ve said YES to many opportunities. I’ve been very vulnerable at times and have gone out of my way to help people. Not for my benefit but simply because I know the significance of feeling inspired. Even though all of that, I get unbelievable negative comments and messages. Not nearly as much as the positive and uplifting comments, but I do. Whenever I think of my 15-year-old self sitting on that bench being scolded by my coach, I think about my son and his dreams.

I guess it’s good that we Laliberte’s are such bad listeners. If you constantly hear your dreams being crushed, maybe you should try it out sometime.