Bad [Expectant] Vibes: How the Media Negatively Impacts Mental Health

I wanted to be a mother as far back as I can remember.? I took care of my Bitty Baby doll with such care and precision.? I grew up with extremely loving parents and grandparents that always spoke about how much they loved and wanted children.? So, as an adult, it was the ultimate gift that I wanted to receive and never had any qualms about it.

Once I found out I was pregnant, I started following all parenting-related accounts on Instagram.? Similarly to taking prenatal vitamins, I felt like I gained membership to this exclusive Mom club, where all of this information was suddenly both relevant and pertinent. It was one of the most exciting times of my life and I began downloading every app, comparing every Chinese calendar’s gender results, and reading parenting articles.? When that pregnancy ended chemically a week later, I deleted all of my social media accounts until further notice.? Seeing or hearing anything baby-related was too painful to bear.

When I got pregnant again the following month, I reinstated social media and re-followed every account (though I waited for pregnancy confirmation at my doctor’s office before doing so).? I couldn’t wait to pore through everything and be as prepared as possible for when my child arrived.

But then a few weeks into subscription and content consumption from a variety of outlets, I started feeling off.? Instead of feeling informed, I grew anxious and dejected.? I felt slapped in the face with negativity because all I seemed to be reading was a recurring vibe of:

-Your life will never be the same again.

-You will never sleep again.

-You will never look or feel the same again.

-You will constantly feel drained.

-You will never have time for yourself.

-Children take a huge toll on your marriage.

-Kiss your sex life goodbye.

-Best of luck affording everything.

And the ones that hit me hardest:

-Working and being a mother drains the life out of you.

-You will never have the ability to be a successful professional and a successful mother.

-Childcare will drain your bank account.

-Breastfeeding is extremely difficult.

-Every day is nothing short of a circus.

-Your house will never be clean again.

-A social life? Haha that’s funny.

I unfollowed all of the accounts and deleted the apps for the second time.

I went from being a woman who couldn’t wait to have children to a woman who second-guessed everything.? Maybe I was a naive first-timer, but I just felt like I would be able to handle everything - that women are built to manage a bunch of idiosyncrasies simultaneously.? But truthfully, I began worrying about everything: my relationship with my husband, my finances, fulfilling everything I thought I would be able to accomplish, balancing work...basically, my entire life as I knew it.??

For a large part of my pregnancy, I was plagued by anxiety and depression.? How could something so beautiful, that I always dreamed of, cause such negative sentiment?? I remember getting to a point where I even said to myself, “Wow, enjoy eating this omelet because soon, you’ll never have time to make scrambled eggs again.”? Yeah, it was bad.

Again, these sentiments are subjective and everyone reacts differently to what is portrayed in the media.? I fell victim - hook, line and sinker - and I was embarrassed!? I felt like I was the only one reading these posts and embodying them.? I mean, all of the other Moms I was friends with followed these resources and didn’t [appear] to be feeling this way.? Influencers and publications are surely tasked with showing how “real” motherhood is, especially while working FT, but at what price for the readers?

It was only until a few months postpartum that I broached the conversation with Mom friends and acquaintances I had as a whole.? Many agreed with me that the media had induced a level of anxiety that they didn’t need, on top of unforgiving pregnancy hormones and physical disarray.? I found out that many had also muted the account posts or stories like I did.? In retrospect, I was disappointed that I had kept my mouth shut since many of my feelings were justified and my fears could have been alleviated.??

Once I began working again - while breastfeeding, no less (take that, media!) - I realized that a lot of their [the media’s] perceived truths were false.? Sure, life had done a 180, but all was not lost.? There is a ridiculously fine line between fact and hyperbole.? Mothers are overwhelmed.? It’s a fact of life and it’s natural.? We wear 87 different hats every single day (hell, sometimes every hour).? That being said, some people capitalize off of that overwhelm and position the negativity to drag other women down.? Let’s face it, misery loves company - and a loyal followership and market is born.??

These “resources” need to reevaluate how they are positioning life during pregnancy and postpartum.? Yes, everyone’s life, and children, are different. Working and being a mother is absolutely exhausting; it’s like working two FT jobs at once with constant overlap.? But it’s doable.? Why doesn’t the media tell us that it’s as doable as it is?!? Childcare is expensive, but it’s a fact of life, and it’s only needed until these babies go to school.? Why doesn’t the media reassure us that it’s an added expense for a season of life instead of something financially detrimental??

I will never forget being 31 and having my motherly ideals shattered due to negative content consumption.? I can’t get that time back, so now I am here to tell all future mothers that everything is possible.??

There are challenges and bad days, sure, but those do not outweigh the good!? Life has become wholly more complex: I have less time for myself, have to prioritize my marriage and self-care more than ever, and work very hard 24/7, but it’s also better than I could have ever imagined.? Please, for the love of God, listen to me - I wish I had read something like this in my second trimester.

P.S. I do have time to make scrambled eggs - even Benedict.