A bad day...
Yinka Ewuola
Driving Consistent Cashflow for Ambitious Businesswomen with my Holistic Success Method [Mindset is NOT enough! Strategy, Energetics, Business Thinking] | Join my 12-Week Cashflow Accelerator (Enrollments Now Open)
So yesterday, I had a BAD day.
I mean... 'started iffy, ended being covered in projectile vomit and an early night' bad.
And if you know me, and are slightly freaking out right now, because this is rare for me... I want you to know...
- I'm fine now - so please don't worry.
- It was my own silly fault in the first place
- It's about being real - and I sure as hell can't keep posting 'ooh things are all good' posts if I'm not prepared to hold myself accountable and share the tough times too.
The fact is that everyone has them... but not everyone will share them, Until they do... then they go the other way and they start ugly-crying into the camera and oversharing their parental issues... and this is not one of those sessions, but I think it's important to be honest and balanced as I believe it's the truth in your story and the authenticity of your voice that helps the most.
So I had a bad day, and it was my own fault so in today's #SaturdayServing I wanted to share 3 mistakes and 1 great thing about my rubbish day yesterday... and hopefully it wouldn't all have been in vain.
Problem one - Expectations
It all started with silly expectations. I was expecting something, and what I actually got wasn't actually up to scratch. In my opinion
Which is no big deal... until you (and by you, I mean 'I') told myself that it was. I then went into a tantrum place, which is so rare for me these days. But instead of employing the many tools and resources I have and use with myself and my clients - I didn't nip it in the bud... and the poison apple was left in the barrel.
So much of the ill feeling in our lives some when we don't have our expectations met. But instead of getting upset with the disappointing results, what we need to question is why the bar was put where it was in the first place.
If I'm honest (and I can be now, I wasn't so objective in the moment) - I shouldn't have put so much stock in my expectations. They weren't based on good information or careful analysis... but I fell into the trap of getting caught up in my own great idea - which led to my own manufactured disappointment.
I see that now - I hope I know better next time, I want to make sure that I interrogate my expectations whenever I feel that way in the future... that's what'll help me not repeat this mistake, as knowing my expectations are way off what happens in reality will ensure I don't get caught up in seeing those ideas come to pass.
Mistake two - I focused on the wrong things
So my expectations weren't met, and instead of drawing a line under it - I began beating myself up about it. 'How could I get it so wrong?', 'What was I missing?'.
All my energy and focus then went into deficit mode - what I can't do. What I don't know. What I don't have.
Which is never a good place to be... and an even worse place to stick around and see what's behind the sofas.
The fact is that where attention goes, energy flows - so it was becoming a downward spiraling situation of my own imagining.
I tried gratitude... I tried breathing - what I should have done was call out what was happening, because I could see it, but I just couldn't stop it. I dunno if it would have helped, but I think focusing on what you do have, and even a small act like 'calling it out' puts you firmly back in control, and reinforces your agency, power and responsibility in the situation.
That wasn't even this biggest mistake of all - this one was...
Mistake three - The drift
A bad 'day', as in 24 hours, or 1,440 minutes, or 86,400 seconds - is actual much rarer than we think.
What is actually super common is bad moments. And I admit it, I had a bad moment. I actually had a few yesterday.
But the biggest mistake I made was letting those bad moments turn into a bad day by permitting and reinforcing 'The drift'.
A bad moment lasts a few seconds - at the most, let me give it 10 seconds. I feel a bit daft saying that I allowed 10 seconds to infect the other 86390 seconds in my day. And to be fair I was asleep for some, and it didn't happen to right at the start of my day - but even if it was only half may day... that still 43,200 seconds, and 43,190 seconds of them being allowed to be tainted by 10 of them.
We should keep the bad moments as exactly that - bad moments. Allowing them to infect our entire hours, days or even longer is just wasteful and indulgent. I needed to get a grip, and put things in perspective. That little exercise above... is going on my wall... so that I don't have to feel so daft writing it out again. Not allowing a poison apple to destroy a whole barrel is a much better approach.
So yesterday was full of mistakes - and yet one good thing came from all of this
The great thing...
The great thing in all of this is that I showed up and put my feelings to one side to meet my commitments, and not just meet them but to work hard to give my best.
- I gave incredible value to 2 amazing business women.
- I did all the things I promised and wanted to do around content
- I cared for my family
- I did all the other things that I needed to. Inspite of how I felt
- I had enough sense to quit while I was behind after said 'projectile vomiting episode' and have an early night.
I didn't allow my feelings to dictate my actions. They're just feelings. Just stories I told myself about them. I don't actually have to listen.
Which is the best thing of all. To be able to have a moment of reflection - own my mistakes and learn from them on how to do it better next time.
I leave you with a song that made me smile - even through a crapsicle storm of a day...
Hoping that you'll have a great one!
Business Strategist for EdTech Companies & Startups
4 年Sharing our real lives might seem a farfetched idea yet it's the proof of our mortal being. I like it when I hear these sentiments. Although not revealed by a majority of people, I am pretty sure that we should allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing this Yinka Ewuola
????Transformational Empowerment Coach | ??? Social Entrepreneur | ?? World Traveller
4 年This is an excellent post Yinka Ewuola so true that we often share the pretty pictures but not the reality of the journey. Like you I believe in learning from every experience and most of my greatest life achievement were born from adversity. I still have high expectations of myself and others but I'm always aware that they may not always be achieved. Reach for the stars and if you fails you'll land on the clouds!
Leadership & Career Growth Strategist | Elevating Mid-Career & Early-Career Professionals | Executive Presence & Career Acceleration Coach | Keynote Speaker | Workshop Facilitator
4 年Great post Yinka. I always try and view it as positive, identify the lesson to be learnt, thank the teacher and then journal about it in the moment to release the last embers of funk and get back to task. My achievement hall of fame serves as a reminder that none of my achievements came easy but here I am still growing, still achieving inspite, despite and because of it all. Sometimes those "bad days" are equipping you to have far more "lovely days" ahead. ????????
I help leaders to harness the skills of neurodivergent employees.
4 年Another quote from dear Winnie. Christoper Robin to Pooh “What day is it Pooh?” Pooh to Christopher Robin “Today”. That’s all that matters. “Yesterday and tomorrow are just too much day.”