The Bad Boss Guide to AI

As a bad boss, I know that AI is guaranteed to change the world and make us more successful. There are lots of books that explain this. But to save you all the trouble of reading, I've summarised the key insights into a 14 point memo, so that all other bad bosses can seize the day and wish for a better future:

1. Because machines can learn all by themselves, you don't need to train people
2. Due to the long term productivity benefits of AI, make deep cuts this quarter. No excuses!
3. AI has objectively identified people who will be cut first. A low test score on "Change Readiness" was identified as a key factor.
4. A chatbot is so authentic the customer can't even tell that they're not interacting with a real person
5. Sure there are risks. We've just published a Code of Ethics on our website, just so everybody is clear on the subject.
6. Machine learning means that because software is programmed to learn one thing, the magic of boolean algebra will automatically enable it to do something else
7. AI is a goldmine of data - once you have peoples social media, you can pretty well get them to do whatever you want!
8. Because AI enables machines think for themselves, we need designers not coders.
9. The final changes will be ready by Friday, ready for the big roll out on Monday.
10. The big boss was so excited in the brainstorming session by the singularity - he loved that idea - and the future of a seamless, people-free trading platform (Due: ASAP).
11. AI is free from bias, so we can dial down the diversity and inclusivity issue (See 2 above)
12. Our IT guys made sure that the AI only hires people using objective criteria
13. Our AI is so intelligent it can predict exactly what the customer wants, even better than they know it themselves. The AI data shows a 99% customer satisfaction rate.
14. AI scares the hell out of people. So we've decided it call it Sally.