Backward thinking is not always negative!

How are you measuring success??

A lot of times I ask myself — how am I measuring happiness and success?

If like me you have lived your entire life as a superwoman, workaholic perfectionist! Missing the mark or being mediocre is something you have?rarely ever contemplated.

Especially, if you grew up in a home with immigrant parents......

There was always a strong drive to work harder and a much deeper emphasis on education to achieve success in my household.

"We all have an?'ideal' right? A dream or a moving target that is often out of reach. It is something that?keeps us striving. And, when we measure against this?ideal we often feel unsatisfied, disappointed, guilty & often a failure!"

A recent book I read from Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy "The Gap and The Gain " helped me to reframe this abit...

They explore ways to avoid operating in the gap and instead focus on the gains which has helped me in the last few months to celebrate what I have achieved.

A more effective way to achieve happiness, confidence, and success, rather than giving 110% of yourself for very little returns.

The Gap vs The Gain

The gap and the gain refer to two different mindsets, when it comes to measuring progress.

Gap-thinking involves constantly focusing on the gap between your current situation and your desired future state — which can be often out of reach!

On the other hand, gain-thinking involves looking back at the gains you have made in the past and appreciating how far you have come — measuring backwards!

Gap-thinking can be constantly comparing oneself to an idealised future self which may lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and feelings of failure.

This mindset creates a perpetual cycle of setting higher and higher goals, never allowing oneself to feel satisfied or accomplished.

In contrast, by focusing on the gains made in the past, you can cultivate a sense of gratitude and contentment.

This mindset encourages self-compassion and self-acceptance. Gain-thinking promotes resilience as we are able to recognise our strengths and accomplishments.

5 Ways To Embrace Your Gains

1. Practising Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful tool for cultivating a gain-oriented mindset. Taking the time to reflect on the things you are grateful for, both big and small, can shift your focus from the gap to the gain. Keeping a gratitude journal, expressing gratitude to others, or simply taking a moment each day to appreciate what you have can have a profound impact on your mental health and happiness.

2. Reflecting on Past Achievements

Instead of constantly looking forward, look backwards! Take the time to reflect on your past achievements and milestones. Celebrate the progress you have made and acknowledge the hard work and effort that went into reaching these. By recognizing and appreciating your past gains, you can build confidence and motivation for future success.

3. Setting Realistic Goals

While it's important to have aspirations and goals, it's equally important to set realistic expectations for yourself. Unrealistic goals can perpetuate the gap-thinking mindset, as they are often unattainable and can lead to feelings of failure. By setting achievable and realistic goals, you can maintain a sense of progress and accomplishment, further reinforcing the gain-oriented mindset.

4. Practising Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. When faced with setbacks or challenges, practicing self-compassion can help you maintain a gain-oriented mindset. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend, and remind yourself that setbacks are a natural part of the journey toward success.

5. Surrounding Yourself with Positivity

The people we surround ourselves with can have a significant impact on our mindset and well-being. Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals who encourage a gain-oriented mindset. Engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment, as these positive experiences can further reinforce the gain-oriented mindset. Find a safe space!

The truth is you are NOT a burden!

Hyper independence is just a survival tactic, but it will keep you feeling lonely and believing you have to do this alone.

You can choose?to be vulnerable or ask for help when you need it.

For those who are?just outright treated badly in the workplace. Please find some external support to help to address this.

You no longer have to feel?like this or be continuously striving or measuring progress by the gap between where you are now and where you think you should be.

Kinship is a community for stand out, diverse paradigm shifting women on a mission to stop striving for success and to step into their sphere of greatness with ease.

SELF COMPASSION - Everything is not your fault!

Progressive DEI - The Equal Futures Event

Wouldn't it be great to get everyone working in social justice, racial justice, anti-racism, DEI in the same room, to talk about what an equal world might actually look like? The Equal Futures Event here or contact Sharon Hurley Hall (she/her) to learn more.

Bitesize weekly content! We hope you have enjoyed it. See you next week x

PS If you want to hang out.?Kinship is a Safe Space for Diverse Women. First Friday of every month. Allies are welcome!?Please register?here ?