About Backrubs and Otto

When Arthur Andersen’s consulting unit was being spun off, a contest was run amongst 65,000 employees from 42 countries to pick a winning name. Kim Petersen, a Dane, working in their Norwegian office, submitted the lucky one, Accenture meaning Accent on the Future.

Lovely name. Unlike Google’s first name, Backrub! You can “backrub it” if you do not believe me. But its new name is also nice – Alphabet.

Have you ever tried to pick a name for a company? I mean, one for which you get the rights to an eponymous URL?

I also mean, doing it without being ridiculous funny like Hotels.com’s Captain Obvious, my favorite pitch man.

Captain Obvious says, well, stuff that is obvious like “the hotel lounge is where do you your lounging.” There is a funny video where he says, “hotel conference rooms are where business people sleep in conferences!” Admit it, it he correct.

Hotels.com picked a URL that comprised 2,083 characters. I have made two funny bits bold.

HotelsAndCastlesAndHouseboatsAndIgloosAndTeepeesAndRiversideCabinsAndLakesideCabinsAndPondsideCabins.AndStreamAdjacentCabinsAndCabinsThatArentNearAnyBodiesOfWaterWhatsoeverAndLakeHouses.AndRegularHousesAndLodgesAndSkiLodgesAndAllThings.SkiChaletRelatedAndBoutiquesAnd5StarSuitesAndRetreatsAndBungalowsAndJungleBungalowsAndOtherKindaLessExcitingBungalowsAndCabanasAndOceansideCabanasAndSeaSideCabanasWhichSeemLikeTheSameThingAndBedAndBreakfastsAndJustBedsBecauseThoseAreKindOfARequirementInRoomsOfAnyKindInOurOpinionAndCottagesAndVacationHomesAndHostelsAndYouCanGetRewardedBasicallyEverywhereAndResortsAndGetawaysAndInnsAndHarborInnsAndVillasForGuysNamedJamieFromNorthEasternMiamiAndVillasForHumansNamedAnyOtherKindOfHumanNameAndTreehousesAndHousesNearTreesAndRanchesForPeopleWhoReallyLikeFarmAnimalsAndRanchesForPeopleWhoJustFeelKindOfSoSoAboutFarmAnimalsAndRanchesInGeneralAndCliffHousesAndRewardsAndYesWeAreSurprisedYouAreStillTypingAtThisPointButHeyWeStillHaveMoreAccomodationsSoWeWillJustKeepListingThemBroBroAndBeachGetawaysAndSnowyGetawaysAndThoseAreTheOnlyTwoKindsOfGetawaysAndMansionsAndLoftsAndFarmStaysAndFarmStayRetreatsSpecificallyInNewZealandBecauseNothingSaysLuxuryLikeAnExcessOfHayAndGoatNoisesAndIceHotelsAndIceCabinsAndIceLodgesAndHotelsWithBalconyCapabilitiesAndHotelsWithRooftopsBecauseEveryHotelNeedsARoofItIsKindOfJustLogisticalAndTimesharesAndCountryHomesAndPalazzinasAndYesWeKnowWhatPalazzinasAreDontActLikeWeDontWhoIsTheExpertHereAndPenthousesAndManorsAndStatelyManorsWhichFeelPrettySimilarAndTownhousesAndPalacesAndHousesAndCasasWhichAreHousesButInSpanishAndGuestHousesForWomenNamedTammyWhoLiveForAGreatDealAndRewardsForEveryoneElseWhoLikesAGreatDealAndAllTypesOfPlacesForPetsAndAllTypesOfPlacesForNotPetsAndThemedHotelsAndPirateHotelsAndFairyTaleHotelsAndHauntedHotelsAndHauntedMotelsOrToPutItAnotherWayMotelsAndYesWeAreStillGoingAndFamilyResortsAndPlacesNearGoatYogaAndPlacesWherePeopleHaveMusclesAndPlacesThatServeMelonBetweenTheHoursOf6And10AMAndHouseYachtsAndYachtClubsAndOtherThingsOnOrNearWaterAndDolphinMotelsInLowerSanDiegoAndAlsoYurts.com

Imagine naming a business after a female. Appears not many people think of that too.

Bugatti, Singer, Chrysler, Dolce & Gabbana, Ford, Getty, TAG Heuer, Walgreens, Kawasaki, Kellogg, Cadbury, Mattel, Reuters, Tata, Wal-Mart, Buick – yup, all named after men.

I really had to dig hard to come up with 15 companies named after women.

But I surfaced one - Monsanto, the seed/agriculture behemoth named after Olga Mendez Monsanto, wife of John Francis Queeny, the founder of the firm. Sadly, that will go away soon as it appears Bayer will drop Monsanto’s name now that it has consummated the acquisition of this crop science giant.

If I could get the URL I would name my next company, “Hey” but it appears that would not be ok in China where such names must have at least two words. You folks must have read about the fellow who named his firm, "There Is a Group of Young People With Dreams, Who Believe They Can Make the Wonders of Life Under the Leadership of Uncle Niu Internet Technology Co Ltd." He over delivered on the two-word ask! And by the way, Uncle Niu is a condom.

Speaking of safety, BORN has been recently busy with initiatives to be security and GDPR compliant. We have made significant progress to date but there is always more to do especially because with each shield that goes up a better arrow is designed.

We had a record Q2 in terms of revenue and profits. With very large systems integrators buying up smaller boutiques, our competitors are now getting bigger. The newer and sharper arrow are coming at us but our shield is getting thicker and better as we continue to innovate. Our service framework on SAP Commerce Cloud, called Bootstrap but now renamed Eagle, was the first certified accelerator by SAP in its genre. The mascot for the Eagle is Otto (yes, he flies high!). Our equivalent on Magento, called Bulldog, secured its first batch of customers. Our mascot for Bulldog is a cute canine called Nutmeg. All in, our first half was a good one. If I were to blog about it in the style of my hero, Captain Obvious, I would go with this URL:

Wearefabulousanddoingwellthankssokeepthelovecomingasweriseandriseorlikewesayonwardsupwards.com

Or we could go with yeahbaby.com which can be purchased for $9,000/-.

Your fearless follower