THE BACK-UP PLAN

Let’s just be very clear about certain plans which by definition are only that one plan, there is no back up for those plans. Things go to plan or simply don’t. Good if they do; if they don’t, let’s come to terms with the fact that the mission has already been aborted, which gives us a clean slate to start over (again). Plans are aligned with goals, and therefore one needs to extend the interpretation of what has just been stated to the goals linked to those plans.

For everything else, there is (can be) a back-up plan. While this knowledge brings a great sense of relief when we start out and while we go about the plan, I would imagine that it does not bring out the potential we will have exhibited in the plans which have no back-up (the do-or-die ones).

Resilience is easier spoken about than grasped. Ask the young lady who married the man that wooed her believing the plan he proposed for their lives, being in shock seeing him chase other women and plans thereafter. Ask the parent who invested heavily in the education of their adolescent child that asked for support towards a dream career, only to realize the ward lost interest midway leaving all that investment actually sunk. Ask the person who lost all contacts and mails through a technological fiasco and simply didn’t know who to start with and where from. Ask the officer who risked and later lost his reputation endorsing a client/ candidate who needed the push to head towards a lofty dream that ceased to allure in gear. Ask a city going about business and life hit by an earthquake, a tsunami, a bomb blast, not knowing their bearings, surrounded by debris and clutter, further not knowing what to pick up and get on with in this thing called life and hopefully business. Shit happens indeed, but what is the back-up plan when such unforeseen contingencies take control of our lives?

Just what do we do? Clam up? Freeze and go quiet? Disconnect? Run away? Die?

I wrote the piece below five years ago and revisited the subject with more objectivity than feeling. Interestingly, I didn’t change much except for grammatical observations and one long line.

Of Breakdowns, Failure and Loss…

Let go.

Breakdowns are not so bad, in that they can crush us only as far as temporary setbacks. We anticipate them even when we start planning, tell ourselves they will occur and recur and break the plan every now and then. But their power is limited, hardly close to even remotely fatal. We recover, oh we surely do, sometimes sooner than the pace of the setback. We’d be blessed if we could treat them as silly disappointments for they are no more than that. They don’t determine or define anything conclusively. Don’t shed a tear nor keep record. Don’t even take them too seriously. Just fix them. Every time. And move on. Get on with it as if it never happened.

Failure is a mark, actually a scar – that will stay. Don’t forget it. For if we did, we would be losing out on the only good we could’ve derived from it (called erudition). Even if we forget, this is one thing others will remind us about. The failure… We don’t anticipate it when we commence whatever it is. It is one of the two outcomes of anything. In fact we work towards the opposite result, we work hoping for the contrary and when we end up standing on the loser plate (and we are also expected to accept defeat with grace and humility, perhaps even style…), what’s worse than the debacle is that we have to hold in the tears along with our broken pride. Only humans can do that! I would think that even God cries when He fails on account of our choices. And when we’re through the torment of failure and the aftermath, start afresh. Actually restart. Yes, they’ll call it rebound, but it’s better being called that way than actually remaining static for the rest of your life!

Loss is something that’s gone forever. It has truly gone. Tell yourself that, time and again… For there is a possibility of us holding on to the illusory version of that which was lost. We imagine the lost still exist in the ghosts of our mind. Memory is a dangerous thing trying to get over loss. We remember the vision, the sound, the touch and the smell of something that was, and the recall keeps us in a constant state of denial. It’s gone. Cry over it. Weep. And remember that we will never get over this. No matter what. There is no substitute for what has gone – no replacement in a person, thing or experience. There will be others, they are at best just that – others, and do not make up for what was lost. It will never return

(Added) So, let go, take a break if you need it, lose some time if you can afford it, and when you feel empowered with all that’s from within and outside of you, start again, come clean, face it, fight, run towards the plan (a new plan perhaps), soar and surge ahead.