The back seat
John Dunia
Guiding others on their journeys of Emotional Healing. Author of "Shame On Me". Guest speaker for emotional healing, shame, and personal development. Working one-on-one or small groups.
The phrase, “I call shot gun” is a widely known expression in the US. If you’re not familiar with it, the person shouting this phrase is making a claim for the front passenger seat of a car and the first person to say it reserves it for themselves.
As far as I know, there is no such declaration securing any enviable spot in the seats behind the driver. The back seat doesn’t have the same pizzaz or prestige one experiences while sitting mere inches ahead of the others. Perhaps what makes the front seat so coveted is that the view is less obstructed, and although that person may technically arrive at the location milliseconds ahead of the rest, no one can safely exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.
The back seat, in many situations, has also developed a somewhat dark and seedy reputation. For those relegated to the back seat, it can be a form of punishment. Other times as in the case of a bus, people go there not to be noticed while they connive and strategize secret plans.
When a person is figurately told to take a back seat, that denotes they are allowing others to shine instead of themselves. For the most part, the back seat is rarely regarded a desirable position or one of noted envy. Although it is made from the same padding and material as the other seats, it has somehow unfairly been dubbed with this dubious distinction. But has it acquired this title under false pretenses? What has it done to deserve this reviled status?
The view
I don’t blame children for wanting to sit in the front seat. As a young boy with two older brothers, it was more of a treat to have this opportunity. Sometimes, my mom would let me put the car in gear and it was the closest my younger self could get to feel like I was driving. Sitting in the back mainly meant staring at the seat in front of me with not much other view available.
Thankfully, over the years, my perspective of the back seat has changed. When I am getting into a car with multiple people, I rarely choose the shotgun position. Even if I am taller than the others, I’ll defer it to someone else. No matter how little legroom there is, I want to be kind or show respect for those I am with. A little bit of inconvenience or discomfort shouldn’t make the trip any less enjoyable.
If someone insist I sit in the front, I will accept their thoughtful gesture. However, it is more important that I am offered it rather than to expect or believe I have earned it. This may appear be a trivial consideration, but it’s the small things in life that can be the most revealing. The seemingly insignificant moments are the ones that often distinguish who we are and how we define ourselves.
Shotgun
The front and back seats are powerful metaphors for many situations in today’s world. There are numerous ways, both subtle and demonstrative, we can figuratively “call shot gun” and perhaps not realize we are doing it. Instead of being offered the spotlight or admiration, some may indiscriminately assume they have earned or deserved it.
It is often revealed in the way we think of ourselves or the importance of our own opinions. Giving ourselves titles such as advocate, humanitarian, and philanthropist are too easily self-imposed. These labels are meant to indicate dedication and commitment to a cause greater than oneself. But when those titles are bestowed upon us by others, that validation indicates we have done the important work.
Other terms such as influencer, activist, or motivator likewise are labels many enjoy hearing along with their names. But simply because these designations sound appealing, it doesn’t imply those actions are actually being demonstrated by those bearing them.
When a label becomes equal to or more important than the work those titles signify, that is precisely when we lose sight of who we are and what our actions were supposed to have been. It’s much better to have that moniker given to us by someone else rather than glossing ourselves with it.
Granted, there are circumstances when we should exude extreme confidence and pride, but I am not referring to those situations. It is those times when we believe brandishing an impressive title will make us look better in the eyes of others, but this is nothing more than a misguided and foolish assumption. If we are not vigilant against it, there will be traps waiting to snare us and perhaps tempt us to lower our standards or neglect our integrity which carries far greater importance than any designation could ever bring.
Is there anyone you personally know who gave themselves a prestigious title without earning it and you continue to respect them for it? If we ever apply any title to ourselves, we should always keep in mind its authentic meaning and not defy it by feeding our selfish desires or greedy appetites.
Along for the ride
Imagine a world where everyone chose the back seat first, and accepted the front seat when it was granted to them? Where kindness and consideration were the default actions and those with interminable egos were dismissed or scorned.
There are far too many examples of people calling shotgun, expecting stellar treatment, and demanding they sit in the front while purposely denying others any opportunity of fairness or equality. This kind of selfish attitude must cease to be praised and become shunned like the cancerous deed it always has been.
It may be possible that this unheralded position known as the back seat, may be the catalyst to spark one of the greatest changes in modern society. By accepting honors and titles only when we have earned them and allowing others to value and recognize us for the changing work we have done, we may all learn to ride better together.
My thanks to Brent Pace on Unsplash for the wonderful picture and I look forward to your comments.
Research Laboratory Manager - Certified Electron Microscopy Technologist - High Resolution Electron Microscopy Facility
2 年John Dunia, I usually ask the driver and/or passengers where to sit out of respect.
Content Writer (Self-employed)
2 年Your article about the seat made me think about so many things... When I was a child back home car was a luxury and if we got the chance to seat in front it would be a matter of pride in those days, but now travelling is important and the company. I feel the seat is not important but still inflated egos do consider it as a matter of pride and their self important self imposed perspective many times force others to rather willingly/unwillingly accept them. Not a healthy thing but if things are out of control than just let it be - peace matters!!! Thanks ?? for the tag my Friend John Dunia
Love Your Space, Love Your Life! I Facilitating healthier connections to home, others, and self through decluttering, Feng Shui, and emotional intelligence I Speaker I Author I Compassionate Guide I
2 年I appreciate your thoughtful reflections offered here on riding in the back seat, calling "shot gun", and especially waiting for others to offer us the front seat titles. Even then I likely would take Ram Dass, Mother Teresa, or bell hooks perspective and not attach myself to the title. As Brene Brown shows in Atlas of the Heart-our culture is full of people feeling a fear based shame of being ordinary. I'd prefer to remain ordinary, a human being willing to continue growing, learning, caring, and contributing. If I've lived a life of love and service, then that becomes its own fulfillment. We touch hearts with our vulnerable, brave, compassionate words, our listening, our interest, curiosity, and kind deeds, not with titles, accolades or awards. Being more of an introvert -or discovering this inside myself these last few years- frees me from comparisons and to live in a liberated self-expression. When you belong to yourself, fully accept yourself, you don't require the outside accolades. The deep fulfillment lives in a power within, an embodied, grounded confidence throughout your whole body and being. Thank you so much for this essay and the chance to share my thoughts. And allowed me to remember yearning to be in the very back seat--not the middle seats behind my parents-but the very back seat facing the opposite direction in my parent's blue Chevy station wagon with the power window! :)
Mentoring women lawyers & professionals committed to shaping & sharing their story to unbalance the status quo.
2 年My thought John Duniais colored by years of working as a litigation consultant on trials involving vehicle crashes. No matter which seat one is in, escaping tragedy is often a roll of the dice. Two thoughts: always use your seatbelt and be sure you properly secure your little ones in the appropriate sized carrier.
Mother, Marketer, Writer, and Reader.
2 年Thanks for tagging me John! I love this piece. I remember when I first began working with Mark O'Brien, he'd always put my name first when signing the Christmas cards. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable at first. I shouldn't be the FIRST name on the card! It should be the big cheese! Ten and a half years later, I get it. And this post puts it perfectly, he never called shotgun. He wanted his client's to know how much I was respected. He wanted to let them know I wasn't the B team. When it comes to real life, I usually walk slower and see if the other seats are taken first. For instance, last week I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mother. I wanted to let her lead. So I stayed behind and let her walk to the car first. She chose the back seat, so I sat up front. It was her unspoken way of saying she respected me. A younger version of JoAnna was very keen on screaming shotgun with a group of friends. But I've learned much since then. ??