Back-seat driving

Many of us have been victims of back-seat driving (BSD). This behaviour, mostly demonstrated by partners, parents, or sometimes even friends and colleagues, is where you, the driver, receive continuous driving instructions from the person in the passenger seat. “Slow down”, “watch out”, “be careful”, “don’t get so close (to the other vehicle)”, etc. etc. Sometimes these inputs are useful (“Don’t overtake from the left, there is another vehicle there”), but they become irksome when they are continuous, and not helpful. While there is no doubt about the intention of the passenger - they do have your (and their own) best interest in mind, it does make you feel that they don’t trust your judgement & skill.

I have seen similar scenarios play out at work, when managers and colleagues are involved in BSD. While their intent is right, they resort to micro-management and refuse to give control to their team member / colleague, who is in the driver’s seat. This is often demonstrated by their need to constantly get into details, follow up frequently, not let the other person make decisions, ask for frequent updates & provide solutions to problems, without challenging them to think it through.

As someone who is new to a team, or a task, we all appreciate the guidance - just like when I was learning to ride a bike, my dad telling me to “slow down”, “watch out” was appreciated, even required. But beyond that, it is important to let go and trust the other person to do a good job. It is that trust, and space that will help the person do better and grow. While of course you should continue to provide feedback and inputs to help them understand what they need to do better / differently, you don’t want to always do that when they are ‘driving’. You may otherwise end up in a situation where the person will just stop working, look you in the eye, and say, “Why don’t you drive?”