Back to school, we go.

How can you help your child face their mixed emotions as they approach the start of the new school year?

It’s always a great idea to have some preparation chats with your child/ren before the new academic year begins.

It is important when moving to a new school or transitioning to a new Key Stage. Your children may quietly be feeling all kinds of wobbly but don’t necessarily have the language or the know-how to express themselves emotionally and get those worries out.

By opening the door to some easy conversations on the subject you will enable them to face their concerns and find their way to address issues that may be concerning them.

“Having a parent who listens creates a child who believes he or she has a voice that matters in this world.” Rachel Macy Stafford

So, here are some ideas on how to have those tricky conversations.

·????? First make the TIME.

·????? Then ask them to name 3 specific feelings that best describe they're feelings.

·????? Then LISTEN to them talk their feelings through.

·????? LISTEN to them as they tell you what’s going on for them.

·????? Acknowledge, and validate as they talk it out.

·????? Don’t try to talk them out of their uncomfortable feelings instead offer your understanding and empathy.

·????? Be 100% present, nod, clarify, reflect, and reassure.

·????? Don’t be afraid of the silences, instead see them as giving space and time to help think things through and process what’s happening.

·????? Take it step by step.

·????? No rush.

For example, if they tell you they are feeling-

?·????? Scared

·????? Worried

·????? Excited

?-ask them to try and share with you their why, if they get stuck give them some gentle suggestions reflecting on your own experience as a child and as an adult too!

Remember whatever they say, be present, be calm, be warm, and listen, and whatever you do don’t try to fix it for them.

Help them to face what they are feeling, and help to empower them by asking simple open-ended questions to discover what’s going on.

Support them as they problem-solve.

For example-

Scared-

“So you’re saying you are feeling scared, can you tell me more about that…”

“I’m scared I won’t make new friends; I’m scared I won’t know where the classrooms are, and I won’t know where to go.”

Reflect- “So you’re saying you feel scared for a few reasons.

Listen-We’ve got lots of time, shall we talk through those worries?

Validate- Let’s start with you feeling scared that you won’t make new friends.”

Problem Solve (don’t fix)- “What can we do to help you meet children from your new school before you go?”

“That’s a great idea to meet up with Mary before you start, isn't she Ann's friend? How can we get in touch with her? That's a good idea let's ask Ann for Mary's mum's number. Would you like to give Ann a call I've got her mum's number?"

“That’s another great idea of yours, when you meet up with Mary, you can chat to see if she has any worries and then find out how you can help each other.”

Worried-

“I’m worried I won’t be able to get to school on the train without you, I might miss it and arrive late and get into trouble. Or I might miss the train home… I’m worried I’ll be on my own and won’t make friends to go with.”

Reflect and validate- “I can understand going to school on your own on public transport is a big change. It's not easy doing new things, I completely understand you're worried.

What do you think you can do to help prepare? How can I help?"

“Great idea! We can practice the journey together next week on Monday and then you can go on the train with Mary the girl we met at the open day and have a trial run with her at the end of next week. Perhaps you could have a pizza together afterward?"

A problem shared is a problem halved.

?Excited-

“I’m excited to see my friends, meet the new children see the teachers and meet the new ones too! I can't wait!"

"It’s great you are feeling so excited about a new term. I wonder how the new teachers and new pupils starting school are feeling. What can you do to show kindness and understanding towards them?”

Teach your child to be empathetic and kind and to look out for others, if they think someone could use a friend, encourage them to be one.

When helping others we tend to forget ourselves and our worries and kind gestures are like treasures they are never forgotten.

Always remember that your children can do hard things with your support. It’s not your job to fix everything for them it's your job to help them independently face their challenges and fears with you standing by them for support. That's the way they will grow resilience.

Have a great start to the new school year!