Back to School We Go!

After the lovely long summer holidays going back to school is often a time of mixed feelings for the whole family.

For some, it may be a huge relief to get back to routine and the thrill of seeing friends and teachers, having a new backpack and pencil case overrides any worries or concerns.

For others the fear of change, perhaps a new school or certainly a new teacher/s, a new class, and a new timetable might be very scary and challenging to manage.

9 top tips-

1.??? Chat

Make time for lots of chat about how your child is feeling about going back to school.

Listen to what they have to say, don’t interrupt, just listen, and validate how they are feeling.

Make sure you don’t make them feel as if their worries are insignificant, they are important to them and that’s what matters. Take them seriously.

Whilst you’re chatting if something comes up, try to help them pinpoint what it is that is actually troubling them.

then...

2.??? Help them to identify and name their feelings.

(Remember all our feelings have value, no 'good' ones, no 'bad' ones. We are human after all.)

?“If you can name it, you can tame it.” Dr Dan Siegel.

Develop your child’s feeling words vocabulary by helping them to try and identify how they are really feeling.

For example, are they feeling excited or afraid? ?Curious or apprehensive? Eager or uneasy?

Or are they a mixture of all of them?!

When children can clearly name and express their feelings, they are better understood by others.

This in turn helps them understand themselves better and gives them the opportunity to be their own emotion detective and be curious about how they are really feeling.

With this information they can, (with your support to start with) find ways to help themselves regulate their feelings, and discover strategies that help and support them get the best out of almost any situation.

Once they've identified the feelings and what’s triggering them you can…

then…

?3.??? Problem-Solve and Plan-

Ask open-ended questions to help your child understand more about what’s going on for them. Often just verbalising the concern and being heard without judgment will make a big difference.

Be sure to give them the space and time to figure things out on their own (with your support) as this will enable them to grow the belief that they can problem solve on their own.

for example...

“You say you’re feeling worried, can you tell me more about that…”

“I understand it’s because of the new bus journey and you don’t want to be late, is that right?’

“What do you think you could do before school starts to help ease your feeling of worry?”

“Good idea, let’s do the journey together next week before you start school. Are there any of your friends who might be feeling worried too?"

"Good thinking, ask them to come with us. You can then plan the route and time it together and that way you'll be able to organise yourself to be at school on time and make your weekday mornings as easy as they can be."

another example...

“Do you know what's making you feel scared?”

“Ahh, it’s not knowing your teacher and what he will be like. I understand that. I wonder how your new teacher will be feeling? It’s a new class in a new school for him.”

"Yes, I think you're right I think he will be feeling a bit nervous and probably excited too."

“What do you think you could do to make the start of term good for him?”

“Great idea to make him a welcome card, I’m sure he will really appreciate that.”

?4. Cultivate Empathy

Use empathy as a tool to develop recognition and understanding of other people's feelings. Empathy is a critical emotional intelligence skill. Just as they learn about the impact of their emotions on their decision making your child can learn to think about the part feelings play in the choices others make too. Encourage your child to think of others and their experiences and to consciously choose to be kind.

"Nothing beats kindness," said the horse. "It sits quietly beyond all things." Charlie Mackesy.

5. Meetups.

Organise meet-ups or playdates with school friends. Perhaps plan a joint shopping trip to buy new school equipment and have a milkshake, bubble tea, or ice cream whilst you’re at it! (Thank you, R, for your help with this tip!)

6.??? Early birds and night owls.

The week before going back gradually adjust bedtimes and getting up times so it’s not too much of a shock when the start of term arrives.

7.??? Be organised.

Create an evening and morning tick list with each child so that they know what they can do to make every day easier. Print it out and get them to put it up in their room where it’s easy to see. Smaller children can have a visual timetable too, this will not only help them it will help you too!

8.??? Be prepared.

Make sure you are up to date with school emails and information and be upbeat and optimistic in your messaging about the new school year ahead.

9.??? Take it steady.

Don’t do too much in the evenings or at weekends at the beginning of term, prioritise downtime so everyone can find their feet in the least stressful way. Give everyone time.

(Be careful when planning clubs for the term, many of the children I see are emotionally overwhelmed due to busy schedules, stressed parents (who want to do the right thing) and not enough time to have fun at home just play and be, they will learn to lay tennis when they are ready.)?

This isn't a race it's your child's childhood.

Above all go back to school with a light heart, and an optimistic and curious approach.

Just like the first page of a new exercise book who knows what will fill the pages in the days and months of the new school year?

How exciting is that!