Back to School: Parent Edition

"Back to School is here and it's time to prepare our kids in a conscious way."

Your child grows up with a love for learning. You see them as they crawl around new spaces in the home, pick up bugs outside in the dirt, and ask “why” every few seconds in your daily life. This is all so their brain can begin to understand how they fit into this world.?

And yet, at some point, they get older. As they grow from infants to toddlers to kindergartners, something changes. The once curious and observant kid begins to talk about the star they got in class or the A they received in bold red pen on the top of their worksheet.

The light in their eyes slowly dims, as they become more obsessed with routine homework and less excitement for learning itself.?

This is the conversation I find myself in when I speak with parents who are about to send their kids back to school:

“How can I support my child in a conscious way as they navigate the traditional public school system?”

Here’s the thing - it’s difficult. As you may already know, the education system is still based on a century-old model that originated from militaristic purposes, eventually mimicking a factory model during the Industrial Revolution. Even to this day, the motto in most schools remains the same:

Raise your hand.

Get good grades.

Go to college.

Get a good job.

But as we know, this narrative does not necessarily apply to every child’s learning journey. As someone who taught over 700+ middle school children, I have always tried to keep the light alive despite a system that minimizes the strengths and creativity that naturally lie within every child.

The reality is, many parents don’t have a choice. You may be one of them. The choice is made because the school is close by, it’s where all of your child’s friends go, and it’s inexpensive when it comes to your child’s education.

So while you find yourself in the middle of this dilemma - what can you do??

As a former teacher, here’s some advice for every parent or caregiver who wants to support their child while they navigate the unconscious schooling system this year.

Unlearn your own idea of success

How do you measure your child’s success in school? It’s a question that we may forget to ask ourselves. It’s easy to desire that your child will get good grades and high test scores as they embark on this journey. However, to become conscious is to understand that this is these are not the only benchmarks of success. How do we go beyond that??

Success can look like many things. I encourage parents to ask themselves the following questions:

• Did I like school growing up? Why or why not?
• What does success look like to me? How was it messaged to me?
• Are there harmful messages in school? How will I navigate that with my child?
• Do I believe in the culture of achievement perpetuated in schools? If not, how will I challenge it?
• Was I emotionally supported while being in school? If not, how will I support my child with it?

These reflective questions can be a starting point to move forward with your child with greater awareness.?Based on your answers, you can dive into how you will frame success for your child in a more holistic manner.

Enable curiosity outside of the classroom

Learning doesn’t just happen within the four walls of a school. However, most of the time, our children receive messages that once you leave school, it’s time for “fun.” This narrative makes children believe that learning only happens when you are sitting and listening to a teacher. However, life is a learning process in itself!

How can we remind children of this?

One of the best ways is by modeling for your children that learning happens everywhere. Yes, everywhere. This includes when you...

• Cook a meal
• Walk in nature
• Try out a new sport
• Experience a hard moment?

When we show children that there can be a sense of wonder in the world, they will be filled with curiosity themselves.?

Here’s an example: Go for a walk in nature. Then, begin to speak out loud about the things around you and what you see:

• ?“Wow - I wonder how tall this tree is. What do you think?”
• “How many species of birds are there? Let’s make a guess.”
• “Can we count the steps to the park?”

This curiosity gives our children the permission to learn and grow whether they are sitting in front of a teacher or not. It shows them that we are constantly learning from our surroundings.?

The best part? The parent and child can explore curiosity together by wondering together and showing that learning is ALWAYS happening around us.?

Shift language around grades and test scores?

Grades and test scores are a benchmark that is not going away anytime soon. I hear from parents all the time how frustrated they are when it comes to this kind of pressure in our current schooling system. The reality is our children are still assessed based on a number, even if we know they deserve a more holistic assessment of learning. (Read about grades and mental health here ).

Our children deserve to see their learning as progress, not a benchmark to be hit. When they struggle in their grades, there is always more to that story than meets the eye. When I was an educator, I saw over and over again how grades would make children feel that they were built as either smart or dumb. There was no in-between, and no cultivation of their true skills.

So how do we combat this determined way of schooling? It’s through our messaging as parents. It’s to show our kids that we will be proud of them even if they don’t get an A in school. Here are some specific tips:

1. Report Card Season - When a child comes home with a report card, give them grace instead of punishment. Our children are inherently learners, so delve deeper into why they are struggling in that class. Maybe it’s their mindset around that subject if they’re not feeling good enough. Maybe the content is not resonating because it’s not a real-world application. Even more important, if your child gets an A, refrain from saying how proud you are of them. Instead, ask what the A means to them and if they're proud of their work. (Note: Rewards based on grades may have negative repercussions showing kids good grades means they will be loved).
2. Shift Your Language - Focus less on your child’s grade in school, and instead on their learning. Look at the content and ask them what they know, and what they are confused about. Show them that the number is just one indicator of their success in school. The more you talk about it, the more they will begin to consider the process and content of learning instead of just the stamp on the paper.

Here is some growth mindset language you can utilize when your kids are learning specific academic content in school.?

Where do you start?

I understand that this can be overwhelming and difficult to navigate. However, it’s possible if we take it one step at a time. Look at the topics above and choose one that you will focus on for the new school year. Then, you can shift focus once you feel it’s making a difference in your child’s life.

P.S. Here are a few questions you can utilize to ask questions when your children come home from school this week.

Don't Miss Out! You can get a copy of Raise Your Hand! A Call for Consciousness in Education for only $0.99 ONLY this week.

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Komal Shah is an author and educational consultant with over five years of teaching experience through Teach For America . Her book dives into these topics in more detail - shedding light on how we can bring consciousness into education.?

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