The Back Nine ( From January 2014 )

I meet with a group of eight other men every month and have done so for almost twenty years. We started out as a business best practice’s group and over time have evolved into a support group covering a wide range of issues. I doubt I know any other individuals better than these eight men, including my spouse. She is my best friend, but there are some things about woman men will never fully understand. I respect that and no sense getting frustrated.

Many of us in the group are golfers, well we play. As a matter of language, as we talk about our plans and dreams we have come to call the balance of our life remaining the “back nine”. We have found this a useful way of thinking about this subject.

How do you want to play the back nine?

How did you play the front nine? What will you do different on this side?

Will you keep the same foursome, the same caddy?

Will you press on the back nine? Or will you just play? Will you keep score?

Will you enjoy the walk?

If you couldn’t putt on the front nine, what makes you think you can on the back nine?

Will you teach anyone else the game?

Will you respect the game?

Will you play by the rules? Even when no one is watching?

You get the point. All of us are facing the years ahead and what I love most about these guys is we force each other to answer the questions. At times we ask the really hard questions. Drifting is not a plan. Waiting to die is not a plan. What is important and what is not? Honesty from men you trust is, I think, the greatest gift you can give. There is no judgment, only deep and honest friendship and a mirror that reflects truth. The great takeaway is we don't know it all, never have and never will. This is one of the few safe places you can say I don't know. On reflections we would all be better off if we admitted that more often.

The other significant lesson I have as a take away from this group is that time is the rarest of commodities. Once gone, it is gone. The real question is how do you spend your time? Is it your decision or someone else’s? Is it driven by circumstances and you do know you can change circumstances? Other than my brothers, I have not made a major decision without their consideration. We have not always agreed and at times I have done the opposite. It is good to have someone else watch the ball when you hit it. 

I am I would like to think, starting the back nine, perhaps a hole or two into it. Our group is confidential and that builds trust. You know who you are and know how much I love you guys. Thanks for the honesty and for the record I can be a better putter this side.

Fore.