Back to the mirror often for the right reasons...reflection & leadership growth

As I wrote this and shared with my son Sebastian Moore for his 17th this week, it reminded me how all of us men, all of us fathers can go back to the mirror each day to be the man, the leader -the brother, husband, friend we each aspire to be....

Sebastian Michael Moore on your birthday:  It’s baffling to me that Spiderman is 17! Seventeen, to me, is the beginning of growing out of the teen years…heading into adult territory…2 years away from university and a whole new chapter in life.So don’t feel any pressure to grow up too fast. Forever young is just fine. While there are 17 years behind you and a lifetime of being an adult ahead, there are a few things I want him to know.

At 17, my dad had long passed, with a gap to consistently bestow life lessons, advice and just good ole candid eye-opening & but-whippin feedback. Guess what! You do have a dad right now so I hope you will continue to take advantage of that price ledge that many young men are deprived of....and if you ever did have me, not here are some good ways to go about things. I hope you will embrace these....and much more Sebi.

1. Do more than you’re asked. If we ask you to “take out the trash” do it with a smile, grab something extra while at it, and then add another bag to the container. Or “empty the dishwasher”…refill it and wipe off the counter. If I say “pick up your clothes”…make your bed while you’re at it. This may sound trivial but the thing is, people will notice whether it’s me, a teacher, a coach or your boss. Your mom and I will notice too. Always exceed expectations…you’ll stand out…and feel a lot better in the process.

2. There’s a difference between confidence and cocky. Be confident. Step into a room like you’re supposed to be there, shake someone’s hand like you know what you’re talking about, stand tall…feel good about who you are. Always make direct eye contact. Be genuine in your demeanor and comments. “Be yourself and Authentic” But, don’t think you’re so awesome that you forget the rest of the people in the room…that you look down at the person whose hand you’re shaking or that you think you’re better than others. While you’re busy making yourself shine, make sure you point out how amazing everyone else is as well.

3. Work hard. Nothing replaces the hard work. I will always be disappointed about a “C” on a report card if you did very little to achieve it. At the same time, I will be exceedingly proud of that “C” if you worked your butt off to get it. Ask for help. Don’t sit back and “hope for the best”…make the best happen.

4. Own your Mistakes. You’re not perfect. No one expects you to be. You’ll make a ton of mistakes in your lifetime…you’ll hurt people and you’ll be hurt yourself. Own what you said or did…apologize, make amends…ask for forgiveness. Be humble.

5. Check in, call home, send a text. When I send a message that says “Just Checking In”…what I’m really saying is “are you alive?”…”are you in a ditch?”…”is everything ok?” Answer immediately…I’m checking in because there’s a Poos and Mom Gene that makes me act all crazy and spins my imagination out of control making me think all kinds of unimaginable thoughts. In order to reset my brain back to normal…please ANSWER. If you don’t answer right away, I promise to give you a few minutes and assume that you’re driving…but answer, just as soon as you can.

6. Family first. Know that there’s a massive crowd of people around you who love and support you and ALWAYS want the best for you. Give them the same regard that they give you. Put them first…they deserve to be put first. Do your best to arrange your schedule so you can be at your brother and sister’s games and activities, your uncles birthday, your cousins birthday, your grandmother’s Sunday dinner and even family night as often as possible....be at each and every one of the family celebrations because simply put, you’re a big part of what makes this family who we are. Family first. Always.

7. Love your siblings. Your brothers and sister are the only ones who’ll know exactly how you grew up and what makes you who you are. AJ adores you, Juli loves you and has your back always and Brandon seeks to be an example for you and is your big fan. Some day, you’ll sit in a room and laugh at all of the ridiculous stories. (And likely, there’ll be a few tears as well.) Treat them like gold…show them what it’s like to be treated by a loving, caring, thoughtful and wonderful man. That’s a tough burden but trust me when I tell you this…you’re doing an amazing job.

8. You don’t know everything. You know a LOT…and you continue to learn more every day. But, believe it or not, your mother and I know an awful lot as well, and learn everyday still. Remember that you can learn from others, listen to their advice and opinions. Consider that you might be wrong before you decide you’re right.

9. Listen to people. Like, really listen to them. In fact, spend more time listening than you do talking. Learn. Let their words sink in and take them into account as you make your decisions and build your opinions. OH…but here’s the clincher…listen to the ADULTS around you a bit more than you listen to your friends. I love your friends…truly I do…but they might not be the best people to get your advice from! BTW, choose your friends wisely, we become more and more like those we circle ourselves around.

10. Be careful with girls’ hearts. My goodness there are a lot of beautiful young women who come in and out of our house. Please remember that each and every girl who enters your life should be treated with a great amount of respect and admiration. So often in young relationships, girls tend to be “givers” while boys tend to be “takers.” Hearts break very easily. Don’t be a taker. Treat them like you’d want your sister treated and like I’ve demonstrated with your mother.

11. Be the example.Set the example. Others are looking up to you. On our street…on the court…in the classroom....st the workplace, at your house…there are younger boys who are looking up to you and watching what you’re doing as they’re forming in their minds who they want to be. Take time to notice and pay attention to the boys who are a few years younger than you are. It will mean more to them than you realize.

12. Brush your teeth. Iron your clothes. Smell nice. Girls notice. Mom’s notice more! Oh, also, put away your dishes, get basketball gear out of the front hall, change over the laundry and empty the garbage in your room.

13.Life is hard. Sometimes, it’s incredibly unfair. However, how you respond to the tough stuff, your reaction as you move forward, how you hold your head up through adversity…that’s what defines who you are.

14. You don’t have to know what you’re going to be when you grow up. We ask kids all the time…”what do you want to be when you grow up”…it’s ok not to know…to still be figuring it out. I didn’t know until I was well into my forties so do me a favor…take a little of the pressure off. You’ll figure it out.

15. Be careful what you post on social media. When I grew up, we didn’t have to worry about all of our actions showing up on the internet and thank goodness for that! You do. So…don’t post anything in a status or a photo that you wouldn’t want showing up in your grandparents’ news feeds! Be nice, do everything in moderation, be kind to others, don’t get in ridiculous twitter fights and remember…things you post are out there forever.

16. Trust yourself. I’ve been nattering in your ear for 17 years now and I think I’ve given you all of the tools you need to help you make good decisions. I’m not saying I’m done…not at all…in fact, far from it! But, I have great faith in you. I’m proud of you. You’re going to make a lot of mistakes and I’ll be there with even more love, encouragement and advice when you do. Trust yourself…as much as I trust you.

17. Always have Faith. Always believe in the best in people, even when life smacks you in the head and heart with loss. Forgive even when you don’t think they deserve it. Find the sliver lining in everything....along with ways to stay positive. Please know that the The Bible is a powerful guide in this life to peace and love. Your spirituality can help you reach places that material things or even people cannot take you. Always pray and believe that the best is always ahead too.

Happy 17th Birthday to my wonderful, thoughtful, generous, determined, athletic and hilarious son. You truly are an amazing young man.

I love you always, unconditionally, Pops