Back to the Basics: How to Improve Relationships, Reduce Worry, and Solve Problems

Over sixteen years ago, at the beginning of my sales and negotiation journey, I came across Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. It radically changed my point of view on how to relate to others in all spheres of life. The jewels of wisdom in this book have helped countless people in the area of human relations.

Also, I read Carnegie's other famous book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It could not have landed in my hands at a better time. It probably saved my health and sanity during a very challenging season.

I have read both of these books several times over the years, especially when I felt like I was getting off track in some way during my personal and professional journey. From time to time, I find that it is good to recalibrate and get back to the basics regarding what's really important in life - relationships, along with our overall health and well-being. Below is a list of rules of thumb that may be beneficial if you find yourself ready to get back on track relationally with others, dealing with worry, and solving day to day problems.

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Become genuinely interested in other people.
4. Smile.
5. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
6. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
7. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
8. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
9. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
10. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
11. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
12. Begin in a friendly way.
13. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
14. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
15. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Whenever you’re worrying about something, you need to do three things:

1. Get the facts.
2. Analyze the facts.
3. Arrive at a decision – and act on that decision.

A simple framework for reducing worry:

1. Write down what you’re worrying about (What am I worrying about?)
2. Think about what you can do about it (What can I do about it?)
3. Decide on what to do (What are you going to do about it?)
4. Start carrying out the decision (When am I going to start doing it?)

A simple framework for solving problems at work:

1. What’s the problem?
2. What is the cause of the problem?
3. What are all possible solutions to the problem?
4. What solution do you suggest?

Bert Danner is an expert in business development and contributing writer in the areas of negotiation and personal development.