Baby Makes We. Happy Mother's Day!

Baby Makes We.

For most women trying to start a family, the moment the positive plus sign materializes on the pregnancy test is a magical moment--- so is telling your partner/spouse and extended family.??In fact, the pregnancy announcement is its own thing now on social media.??Social media is full of posts of women baking?buns in the oven, smiling faces of these mothers-to-be next to suggestive peas in a pod, and “Baby Makes Three” posts, with pink and blue plumes of smoke billowing in the air at gender reveal parties.?We giftwrap little baby shoes and give them to our partners.??We take babymoons.?It is a celebration.

And it’s celebrated with the same energy and excitement as marriage proposals, engagements, job promotions and prom-posals.???And why??Because it is a significant life event.?Having gone through it myself three times, I can say it is unequivocally more significant and life changing than any other celebration.?When your body creates another body, your identity and all you value changes.

However, for too many that excitement wanes when the mother-to-be realizes she is going to have to tell her boss and team.?For all three of my pregnancies, I dreaded this moment.?I kept my baby news secret as long as possible, wearing multiple layers of fabric and 19th century-like empire waist dresses.?I had a 3-month devotion to oversized shawls.??My commitment to spinach and high folic acid foods during lunch was passed off as a renewed focus on my health.???However, there finally came the time when I knew everyone knew.?They would make that casual yet no so casual glance to my growing bump.?If a cartoon thought-bubble appeared over their head, it would have read, “Preggers!”??Hiding one’s pregnancy has become a lot easier in recent times as the hybrid-work office environments means more often than not people are seeing you from the neck up via your Zoom or Teams call.

But why do we hide from this moment???My reasons were likely the same as others:??fear and guilt.??I was worried that I wouldn’t be selected for an assignment or promotion.??I felt badly that the company was going to have to pay time I wasn’t working.?Luckily, I had paid maternity leave, but even if you don’t, you wonder if there will be a place for you when you come back.?Most working moms- to-be also worry that they are leaving their colleagues in the lurch.??And thus, you prolong this inevitable announcement.??It’s concealed like a disease.

A few years ago before the pandemic, I was at networking event with some new mothers who shared stories of how afraid they were when they had to tell their bosses about their “condition.”??They joked about hiding their pregnancies under bedsheet-sized blouses.?One noted that she didn’t take a job interview because she couldn’t reconcile the fact that she’d have to spill the beans about her pregnancy a few months into the role.???She exclaimed, “I just imagined how that news would be received.”????

On the heels of this conversation, I spoke with my friend, Garry,?who was a busy manager and he shared that he was finally going to get his back operated on and it would require him to be out at least 6-8 weeks.?I asked him, “Are you worried about your job?”??His response to my question was a furrowed brow combined with a confused, “Why would I be worried?”?It seemed to have never occurred to him that he should be concerned.??I then asked him if he felt badly about being out for so long. To which he responded, “The only reason I feel badly right now is because my back hurts.”???

I had my last child over 13 years ago and have been thrilled to see the workforce changes that have taken place since that time.??Flexibility is more mainstream.??Diversity programs have pushed for more equality across the board but we still are dark-aging our pregnancies.????While the pregnancy announcement often is a surprise, the fact that women have babies shouldn’t be.?We’ve been doing it for a long time and making it work.

We can’t wait to share the news of our “new addition” with family and friends because we know they will share in our excitement.??However, the feeling that your employer or team won’t feel the same is pervasive and why, because of the responses that we sometimes get.??And you know what I’m talking about—I recall sharing the news of my second child who coincidentally was born within 18 months of my first.???My manager responded with a, “wow, ok. that’s…uh, when would you be out?” followed by a half-hearted, “congratulations.”?

Geez, seriously? I realize it’s a challenge to reassign work and find coverage for a high performing employee but its maternity leave not a prison sentence.?

The number of babies born each year in the United States has been steadily dropping since the Great Recession of 2008, continuing a trend since the 1970s. There are a lot of theories as to why but one that is cited is “Career Focus” indicating ?it’s more challenging to have a family and work.?The United States is not the only country with a declining birth rate.?The Chinese government, which ended its “One Child” protocol in 2015,?is now urging mothers to “have children for the country” to ensure that the needs of an aging population can be met.?For any country, elderly people are supported by those of working age.?It is those who are healthy and working who pay into pensions and meet elder care needs.??

No offense to Garry with the bad back, but twenty-five years from now his healed back will not be attending medical school, starting a business or paying into an annuity system that supports him:?my child, or yours, may be doing all of these things.?We are all, every one of us, dependent on the next generation.?It is myopic to view a co-worker's pregnancy as anything other than a contribution to the interdependent societal network upon which we are all reliant.?????

If I could go back in time, I would announce my pregnancy with a signed taped to my belly that said, “I’m creating demand.”??From a business perspective, I am the supply and the demand:??I am supplying a person who will one day generate demand.??Instead of the giftwrapped baby shoes I gave my husband, I would wrap up a wad of cash to show my boss how was I was helping to drive the economy and?pay into the pension system, or perhaps I’d announce it with a teeny tiny briefcase to highlight the potential?future business leader I was carrying.

Fortunately I work for a company culture that understands this now but I’d like to issue a challenge to women and employers alike; let’s celebrate the bun in the oven, the pea in the pod and the women willing to bear the physical and emotional stress involved in creating the future.?Don’t hide your pregnancy at work:?own it proudly.?Whether you are taking maternity or adoption leave, that child has more value then your time off whether paid or unpaid: he or she is the manifestation of the circle of life and the hope that tomorrow will be as good or better than today.??Baby Makes We.