The Babushka in you

(Dear Readers, this piece is a reflection of some learnings as part of a self- discovery journey.)

It was a mid-summer morning in May, probably a year ago; a whiff of warm breeze blew through a pile of leaves, left clumsily in the corner scattering them around. A bunch of cherubic kids ran and played tag, as grownups sat soaking the rays of the sun, in an animated conversation on world politics. For me, it was a day of getting things in order before ‘Manic Monday’! I hummed the Bangles tune to myself and smiled at the lyrics of the 80s. As I skimmed my sight through what to set right next, I stumbled upon a box which stood under a cover of dust, just as I had left it years ago. 

I felt like Pandora opening the box, for it would keep me busy for hours as I glanced at my watch with a frown, and gazed over and under, just to secure myself of Incy Wincy’s which may scamper. Just as I opened the cover, a set of bright orange and red dolls peered back at me. The old box had suddenly transformed into a treasure chest of memories– for there they were, a set of 6 Babushka Dolls which were presented to me when I was 10!  You would have seen these nesting dolls, they are called the Russian Babushka or Matryoksha Dolls, which fit one into the other, crafted in wood. I was happy to see happy faces on my chattel.

I put them back one by one, just as it was meant to be, and looked with great admiration at the piece of art which stood looking at me. I then pulled them out one by one and placed them in peck order just to admire the intricate handiwork which stood its test of decades with no trace of peels or scratches.

A few days ago, I attended a workshop which is a step towards my journey in Coaching.  We had with us a group of accomplished coaches, from the Coaching Foundation of India (CFI), whose purpose was to help us don the helper hat to help coachees through the power of self-discovery. We listened in rapt attention as the practitioners articulated their experiences in coaching executives– the need to display respect, listening and empathy being the foremost, they went on to challenge us to coach each other, and encouraged the processes of sharing and exploring, while taking self-responsibility for actions! We role played and real played a coach and coachee in pairs.

Like a bolt out of the blue, my Babushka Dolls appeared before me, asking me if I was truly nesting away!

Power of Self-reflection: As individuals we are unique;we are shaped by our experiences, our upbringing and network of people who have influenced us over many years. These form beliefs, which guide our behaviors. There may emerge many strengths which could get us places and self-limiting ones as well which hold us back. My learning: Make time for self-reflection on how these strengths play out in the current context, are they really our strengths or are there more to be discovered below the ice-berg?

The importance of seeking feedback: Each of us have opportunities to seek feedback from numerous sources. We have customer experience surveys, people / team surveys, performance feedback and even 360 programs in place, which is a great feedback source for leadership building. In my early career, I looked at 360 as a check box item, not actively reflecting on what my network had to say. I often thought a bunch of numbers and qualitative shouldn’t really shape the way I need to behave. My learning: Years later I realized that just by ‘listening’ to the tough love from my network of well-wishers could open possibilities which questioned my assumptions! Complex? Not really – Think about a case of a young executive who had perfectionist tendencies, suddenly found the strength working against especially when empowerment became important in leadership.

'Action'ing: Acceptance is one, but action is truly the test. It’s a difficult and careful process to get to the tiniest of the Babushka Doll, but easy to find comfort in the shadow of the past. My learning: Even if they are baby steps, one is still learning to walk. Goals and actions are all a part of making shifts instead of nesting away. 

I have benefited a lot from my process of self-discovery, and know that there are miles to go. Until then, I do fondly look at my set of dolls, which show me the mirror each day.