Awareness without Action is just “Sophisticated Suffering”: A Leadership Lesson

We've all got them: those persistent, frustrating behaviors that feel as comfortable as your favorite sweatpants and just as hard to give up. And just like those sweatpants, they're probably not serving you well in professional settings.

Here's the thing about ingrained habits: They're not just behaviors – they're coping mechanisms.

That late-night email checking? It may be your way of managing anxiety about staying on top of things.

That automatic "yes"? Could be your strategy for maintaining relationships.

That procrastination on tough conversations? Might be how you avoid potential conflict.

Here's what I tell my executive coaching clients: Awareness without action is just sophisticated suffering.

Knowing that you've been doing something unhelpful for years doesn't make it any more helpful. It just makes you more frustrated with yourself.

So instead of beating yourself up about your persistent patterns (which, by the way, is another unhelpful habit), try this:

1. Name the Behavior Without Judgment

Think of this as describing your behavior like Emmy-winning documentary narrator?David Attenborough. He doesn’t say, “Look how foolish that antelope is, getting so close to the lion’s den!!!” He says, “The antelope is approaching the lion’s den”. (See? No shaming!) Instead of telling yourself "I'm terrible at setting boundaries," try "I notice that I often say yes to requests even when my calendar is full." Instead of "I'm a procrastinator," try "I tend to wait until deadlines are close before starting projects." This slight shift from judgment to morally neutral observation creates space for change without shame. It's like noting "the sky is blue" – just a fact, not a failure.

2. Identify the Need Behind the Behavior

Every persistent behavior is trying to meet a legitimate need. That compulsive email checking? Maybe it's meeting your need for control in an uncertain environment. The inability to say no? Perhaps it's fulfilling your need for acceptance and approval. Your tendency to work through lunch? Could be addressing your need to feel indispensable. Once you identify the underlying need, you can honor it while finding healthier ways to meet it. It's like realizing you're not actually craving that late-night cookie – you're craving comfort. (And if you are actually craving a cookie…HAVE IT!)

3. Consider Alternative Behaviors

This is where creativity comes in. If your need is for control, could you create a structured morning and evening email routine instead of checking all day? If you need to feel indispensable, could you document your unique contributions rather than making yourself available 24/7? For me, when I notice myself wanting to post again (ahem!) on social media, I text a friend to get the connection or approval I’m craving. Think of this as creating a menu of options rather than forcing yourself into a one-size-fits-all solution.

4. Start Small (No, Even Smaller Than That)

Want to change your habit of working through lunch? Don't start with a full hour break. Start with five minutes. Want to stop checking email first thing in the morning? Don't go cold turkey – start by waiting just 15 minutes after waking up. Want to get better at saying no? Start with saying "let me check my calendar and get back to you" instead of an immediate yes. Small changes compound over time, and they're far more likely to stick than dramatic overhauls.

Remember: Change doesn't require you to be perfect. It just requires you to be slightly better than yesterday, even if "slightly better" means catching yourself in the middle of an old pattern rather than after it's finished.

And here's a truth that might make you smile: Sometimes our most ingrained habits are also our best teachers. They show us what we value, what we fear, and what we need to learn. So, while you're working on changing them, try to appreciate them for what they've taught you about yourself.