Avoiding Money Conflicts in Marriage and Relationships

The primary causes for conflict in marriage are sex and money. As someone who practiced divorce law for over 20+ years, I can attest to this fact. Did you know that there are some ground rules you can follow to minimize money conflicts in marriage and in relationships in general? The rules are based on the concept of acting like a "money team".

1. Ground Rule #1: Don't talk money when either one of you is stressed. Pick the time for a discussion when you are both sober, well rested, and well fed. If you have children, make sure they are out of earshot, or even better asleep. Once you sit down with your partner, be "in the moment".
2. Ground Rule #2: Start the discussion with a pleasant introduction, focusing on the positive, i.e. "I'm glad that we are on the same page about setting aside some savings for a bigger house." Or, "Let's sit down and go over the credit card bills, and then we can talk about plans for your birthday coming up." The goal is to have a friendly talk, not an interrogation or verbal rant that puts your spouse on defense.
3. Ground Rule #3: When the money discussion begins, listen and don't interrupt. Don't raise your voice and don't get defensive. Hear each other out. Make eye contact. Try to understand your partner's point of view. Try to maintain a sense of humor and teamwork. If you feel yourself getting upset, say: "I need a little time to review / think about what you've said. Can we continue this discussion later? Can I give you a response by text by tonight?"
4. Ground Rule #4: If your partner expresses fear or concern about money, be empathetic in words and actions. "I understand that you are worried about the cost of the renovation. I hear you. But I am confident that it is the right move for our family. Here is why." Listen carefully to your spouse's objections. Ask questions. Be open minded to other scenarios and options. Maybe you need to change your initial plan? Maybe your spouse has a better idea?
5. Ground Rule #5: Use facts and figures to back up your point. If you need more time to gather information, let your partner know. Follow up. Offer alternatives and options at different price points. Do your homework so that you can make your case based on facts, not emotions.
6. Ground Rule #6: Do not blame the other for financial mistakes. Let it go. Remember, you are a team with a shared future. Everyone makes mistakes! Learn from them and move forward.
7. Ground Rule #7: End the money talk on a positive note. Acknowledge that the issue might be frustrating and difficult, but that you are confident that you will reach a consensus.

What is your best tip for avoiding money conflicts in relationships?