AVOIDING INTIMACY

"There’s nothing free about non-commitment rooted in intimacy avoidance. There’s nothing free about polyamory emanating from unresolved trauma history. There’s nothing free about wanderlust sourced in relational terror.

Being a ‘free spirit’ has its place- as part of the exploration of self, other, ways of being- but if it's emanating from woundedness, it’s just another prison.

Our defenses can trick us into believing that our hunger for freedom is fundamental to our soul's imprint, but it’s often something else. It’s often an ungrounded flight of fancy, a delay tactic, a hide and seek game we are playing with our pain.

If we avoid closeness, we can fool ourselves into believing that we have healed. But it only works for so long. Because we aren't healed, and the remnants of our unresolved pain will show up everywhere. Simply put, we are wounded in close relationship, and some part of our healing has to happen in close relationship. There’s no way around it. The best way to free ourselves from pain-body prison is to learn how to trust again."

-Jeff Brown

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

-C. S. Lewis

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

-Brené Brown

A tripple whammy of awesome quotes for my Avoidants out there.

We believe that if we avoid relationship commitment, we can bypass the agony of vulnerability. But unless we decide to live in the woods like Henry David Thoreau, we can't avoid relationships, so we ought to put a bit of effort in.

We can also avoid intimacy within close relationship, which is something I often come across in my work. Unhealed wounds from our past prevent us from truly healing and giving ourselves to our partners in trust and love.

We often expect our partners to heal our wounds, fill the voids and change the narrative for us. This is a big mistake. Nobody can do that job for you. It's an inside job, but we can't do it alone. We need the safety and security of a healthy relationship to provide space for us to the do the work on ourselves.

If you would like to know more about how I can help you develop your own powerful emotional resilience so you can thrive in tough times, please book a call with me https://calendly.com/tanyamannrennick/30min

I coach you to recalibrate your emotions so that you can have better business and personal relationships

I use psycho education, meditation, visualisation both in and out of trance and, where legal, plant medicine, but most of all, I use my wisdom, and that which I cannot explain

Tanya