Avoiding Assumptions

This Monday morning, I was thinking on the train about assumptions and misconceptions about my conditions and how they affect me.?Then, coming off the train, I was struck by contrasting two lives and thinking assumptions we often make about others and conclusions we make.?As I came down the platform's escalator, I was welcomed by a large LCD advertising the latest glossy contestants on Love Island.?Are these contestants thinking their appearance on the UK's biggest reality show can lead to a lucrative career, but not every contestant makes it to influencer stardom.

After getting two coffees, within 150 metres of the display before the bridge, near the entrance, I chat and present one cup of hot coffee with added sugar to a homeless woman I frequently meet when I'm working in London. Sharon lies on the pavement near her sleeping bag and has a handwritten plea on a cardboard banner requesting help.?We are different, yet all live, breathe, all of us are looking for our unique place in this world but how quickly society can place people in boxes expecting them to be a fit.

Both lives present very different worlds, but the paradox was striking and not lost on me. I am extremely privileged not to homeless but have no desire to be a celebrity.??One generally is presenting an "flawless" image upon others and asking for acceptance, whilst other is out of control presenting an "broken" image being rejected by others.?Yet?both sets of people want to be in a better place, one set in a fake world and the reality. Both want to accepted by others, both are vulnerable (exposed) with the masses observing them and wanting to be liked and find societal acceptance.

My underlying conditions (autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia and my visual impairment) also make me vulnerable in a different way. I have inherited my conditions, and they make me who I am. They are real, lifelong, and messy whilst wanting to be accepted in society.?Yes, I?have spikey profile; this is a phenomenon whereby the disparity between strengths and weaknesses than for the average person.?It's a characteristic among the neuro-minorities; those of us who neurodevelopmental conditions (one or more of the following: autism, ADHD dyslexia, dyscalcia, dypraxia).

My so called spikey profile, has played out throughout my working life in all forms, yet I am still working in engineering geology, geotechnical engineering and using my varied skillset with strengths such as long term memory recall, problem solving, data anslysis, detailed centered work. At work and in society, we all have different skillsets that come into play and are needed to get the job done.?It comes down to recognizing what your skillset is, practicing within your area of expertise, and respecting the skills and abilities of your colleagues. That said, I am often would asked would I get rid of my conditions if i could, I think no. Why, because they me an insights into how to make society and workplaces more inclusive to one and all.?My conditions may not immediately obvious but they are still present or they may be or not apparent to others.?For example, I often been told I have good emotional intelligence (who says autistic people lack empathy) towards others.

My neurodivergent conditions are framed by societal barriers and is a societal responsibility. Under the UK Equality Act (2010), all four of my conditions?have been diagnosed to be an impairment which have a substantial and long-term effect on my abilities to carry out normal day-to-day activities.?Being labelled and potentially defined as such, often means I endeavor to defy stereotypes of what people might think disabled people look like.

Therefore the purpose of this blog is to address certain assumptions about us who are classed as disabled. Over the years, I guess many assumptions still exist and have been made about disabilities including myself.? Many people associate the word disability with one type of affliction, however disability covers a broad spectrum of impairments.?We are simply ably different and can do most things yet in a different way.?Never assume cannot do something or undertake a particular task. As a former colleague once said, never?assume, because it makes an "ass" of "u" and "me".?Never assume.?Below are ten common assumptions and microaggressions which are often made about me and others with disabilities/disability:

Myth #1: A person's disability defines their identity as an individual

When others meet, or see a person with a disability of any kind that's usually all they see, their disability. We are often seen as are the type of person, who see that person isn't able to do, or what limitations they have because of their disability. Sone are not able to see what we can do, or the special talents we may have.?As a society, we need to look past the impairment(s) and view people like me as a person who has value and their life has meaning.?This can be hard fir me and others, for example being autistic,?means I have shutdowns?meltdowns, find interactions with others difficult at times.?But?I have strong attention to detail, having good working memory, high levels of concentration and focus, and technical abilities.?My visual impairment, gives me precious time to think and reflect; perhaps this gives excess time for start ruminations to start if I find myself in a situation I don't understand, or when everything me becomes a bit too much to handle??There are ways to reacting to it either try to bottle it up our feelings, whilst other people’s first instinct would be to go somewhere quiet. But when I become sensory overloaded, anxious or unable to cope with what’s going on around me, there tends to be either a meltdown or shutdown.

Myth #2: If someone has a disability they're always sick and/or in constant pain

While some physical disabilities may cause pain, myself like the majority of people are not constantly sick or in pain. This is a gross form of stereotyping by others based on what they have heard or been conditioned to think. Us with disabilities are often some of the strongest and resilient people, you will ever meet, because we have had to overcome challenges, obstacles, and yes, perhaps even pain in particular mental pain.

Myth #3: You will be able to tell if someone is disabled

Approximately, 20% of the world's population (approximately 1.6 billion people) have a disability ranging from anxiety to vertigo. Myself, I have hidden disabilities; in fact approximately 80% of conditions classified as disabilities are invisible. Therefore, it is important to remember that visible disabilities are not just having leg braces, or confined to a wheelchair; all of are physical disabilities.?But these are not the only kind of disabilities, many invisible impairments are as prevalent in society as visible physical ones. Having a invisible impairment means we face hidden barriers, be it glass ceilings, unwritten rules, or rules that suddenly change, systems which don't make sense without a clear explanation (roadmap) living through the societal and employment maze. And consequently are often forgotten, left out, considered loners.?No wonder why we often chose to hide and try (because it is hard) to fit in, sometimes having to mask our conditions and without sharing them with others.

Myth #4: If someone has a disability they should be treated differently because they are special

We who have a disability want to feel as if they are equal to everyone else, we want to be treated as a “normal” person would be. Using the term “special” does not make us feel equal. In order to ensure someone with a disability feels equal, you must treat us as such, and not make any “special” adjustments for them or place ys in positions of tokenism. There is an exception and that involves things that allow us to function as others do.?Adjustments (accommodations) at work, society, must be reasonable and need to be put in place at a macro, meso, mirco and personal (bespoke to the individual) scale. Examples include building ramps for those in wheelchairs, or having specific text-text-speech software for those who are visually impaired like myself.?Able-bodied people simply need to respect those who are different from themselves and start to ask their disabled colleagues what they could do help should the need be obvious.

Myth #5: People with disabilities are all the same

The word “disability” covers a wide range of impairments, and that very fact implies they are not all the same. We are all ably different; people with disabilities which are not all the same or proportions. We have their own personalities, wants, needs, likes and dislikes, just as those with no disabilities. Outside of work, I enjoy watching science fiction, Liverpool football club, trying to be a better gardener and creating mathematical models using Microsoft Excel.

Myth #6: If someone has a disability, they aren't able to make their own decisions

People often think that they need to make decisions for people with disabilities because they’re worried they might make the wrong decision. Everyone should be able to make their own decisions, even if it’s the wrong one. Would a able-bodied person want to have choices made for them simply because someone thought they couldn’t make the right decision. Of course not, so why should others assume that those who have a disability would feel differently.?Why would people who don’t have a disability think they have the right to make decisions for those less fortunate without at least asking us. It shows a disregard for those people, and certainly not fair.?

Myth #7: You cannot lead a full and productive life if you have a disability

Just because I have a disability, does not mean I am incapable in participating in day-to-day activities. This concept may be hard for some to understand as we are told to never focus on one’s limitations, but rather focus on our strengths and our abilities. Everyone, disabled or not, has to answer the same questions in life, and go through same experiences. That’s what life is about and we should never deprive anyone of living their life to the full and providing opportunities for others to thrive with their goals.

Myth #8: It is okay to use the word useless, or describe someone as a "stupid"?

It is never okay to describe someone as a stupid or useless. This can often be displayed in "humour" at the expense of somebody struggling in something.?Microaggressions and vertical harassment are often overlooked but trust me they hurt. We understand when others use these words, you are using them with the intention to categorize them as different. For example, the word stupid brings a very negative connotation when you use it to describe someone. Words can be considered hateful and degrading speech. Instead of labelling, referring to someone, try calling him or her by their name. Using our name instead of the word “stupid” refers to we they truly are and also shows respect.?

Muth #9 : People with disabilities always need help

Always ask before you help someone with a disability. Yes, many with disabilities need assistance at times, however it doesn’t mean I am incapable of being independent. Never assume we need help, but always offer if you do see us struggling or appear confused if the need is obvious.

Myth #10 : People with disabilities deserve our pity

Having a disability is often associated with carrying a huge burden for the rest of your life. Please don't feel sorry for us. Having a disability doesn’t mean the quality of our lives diminishes; it simply means there is something specific that makes us even more unique.?We do not want your pity, we want understanding and acceptance.

These ten assumptions and misconceptions are all made I believe due to the lack of interaction, information, and understanding between people who have a disability and those who do not. By informing and educating yourself, you can better understand what disability is, and that realise those who have a disability are just like you and me. We all need help at some point, we all want respect, and we all want to be accepted. Please don't make assumptions about us.