Avoid these in life so you are at peace in death

We often wish those who have passed away, peace. "May you rest in peace".

Have you stopped to consider whether your soul would rest in peace at the end of your life?

What would be your greatest regret if this was your last year on Earth, your last year alive? There is no more time, and this was it. December 31 would be your sunset.

It's a morbid question, I know, but please don't get scared thinking about the fact that you are going to die. Confronting that inevitability has helped me create a sense of urgency to do what is important while I have the breath and time to do it.

So, I'm asking you again: What would be your biggest regret if this year was your last year alive? In today's newsletter, I hope to help you confront your mortality and learn how we can shape our lives to be more fulfilling.

Rather than inducing fear, acknowledging the inevitability of death empowers us to seize life's opportunities fully. Accepting the unchangeable aspects of existence, like death, can guide us to embrace life more intentionally.

The 3 BIG REGRETS: How NOT to live a fulfilling life

Bronnie Ware, an extraordinary Australian nurse, spent years in palliative care, taking care of patients in their final 12 weeks of life. She decided to document what they were sharing with her, and from those conversations, a list of the five most common regrets emerged.

You can WATCH THIS VIDEO for the full list of the TOP 5 REGRETS. For this article I have explored only the top 3.

Regret #1: Not Living Authentically

Many of us conform to societal expectations, pursuing dreams that were never truly ours. We make choices to meet external expectations, neglecting our innermost desires. We get caught up in societal expectations about what our lives are supposed to look like, what decisions others are comfortable with, what would make our parents proud, what would make our friends, family members, our network look good. We make decisions to meet those expectations and get sent on frequent guilt trips if we disagree or start doing things that don't align with "their" plans.

Too often, external pressure steers us away from our true selves, pushing us to conform to expectations that aren't our own. We sacrifice our authentic dreams, coerced by implanted ambitions and guilt-trips from others. In the process, we betray our own potential and dedicate irreplaceable time – our life energy – to someone else's vision. It's like we're trading the masterpiece of our unique talents for a cheap imitation, forsaking our chance to truly shine. Regret often stems from living a life that isn't true to ourselves.

Regret #2: Suppressing Emotions

The second regret we harbour is suppressing our emotions, stifling our true selves to maintain harmony in relationships. We become masters at concealing our feelings, desires, and ambitions to fit in and be accepted. According to a study published in the journal "Emotion" (Gross, J.J., & John, O.P., 2003), avoiding emotional experiences can result in long-term negative consequences for psychological well-being. This avoidance can prevent us from processing and learning from our emotional responses, leaving us with lingering regret over missed opportunities for growth. Work by Campbell-Sills, L., Barlow, D.H., 2007 highlights the link between emotional suppression and increased anxiety and depression. Suppressing emotions can heighten stress levels and decreased psychological well-being. Over time, contributing to violent outbursts and behaviours that destroy connection and fuel a sense of shame and, you guessed it, regret.

Suppressing emotions is like ignoring a leaking pipe in your home. Initially, you avoid dealing with the issue, but over time, the water damage worsens, causing regret for not addressing the problem earlier.

Regret #3: Working too hard

Lastly, the regret of working too hard already consumes many of us NOW and we aren't even on our death bed. We toil endlessly, neglecting self-care, quality time with loved ones, and even the chance to savour life's simple pleasures. The pursuit of success can become a relentless grind that leaves us with a life untraveled and experiences uncherished.

It's like running a marathon without hydration or rest stops. You may reach the finish line, but your body and mind suffer, leaving you with regret for not taking better care of yourself along the way. A study published in "Personality and Individual Differences" (Clark, M.A., Michel, J.S., Zhdanova, L., & Pui, S.Y., 2016) found that individuals who overwork miss opportunities for skill development, learning, and personal fulfillment outside of their jobs. This lack of personal growth can lead to regret later in life when individuals reflect on what they could have achieved beyond their careers.

So what can we do to avoid dying with regrets?

Practice speaking your truth and setting principle-based boundaries. We are in an era where boundaries are being elevated as mental health tools and I am so happy to see more men and women embrace this, even if there's a little guilt in the beginning. Know who you are and treat yourself with enough self respect to set boundaries and speak up when things do not feel safe, healthy or respectful.

The second is a strategy more than a habit and it is to craft a comprehensive plan for your life - YOUR PLAN...not the one you were told to have.

In the last week I worked with women across the world to help them design their THRIVE PLAN which puts their principles, passions and purpose as a compass to choose what todo next, where to invest their time and energy and what milestones matter most to achieving their goals.

You can CLICK HERE to register for my next VIP Day which is October 29.

If you choose to go it alone start with a whole life assessment, looking honestly at the areas of your life that feel misaligned. Choose one area to renovate. Break your year into quarterly segments, ensuring you have a concrete plan for each three-month period. By setting clear goals and milestones, you can track your progress, stay on course, and assess whether you are moving in the right direction.

To start, visualize what you want to achieve by year-end, defining your desired harvest, results, and outcomes. Identify the goals that would make you proud - YOU...not 'them". Craft a vision board to capture these objectives, using it as a guide to create your quarterly strategy within the Thrive plan. This process not only helps you focus but also provides the structure needed to make consistent progress.

Whether you seek assistance through a VIP day or work independently, remember that quarterly goals and strategies are essential for maintaining clarity and ensuring that you stay aligned with your authentic desires. This approach is especially beneficial for those looking to prioritize their authentic voice and passions, offering a path to discipline, freedom and fulfilment.

Krystal Tomlinson is a Courage Coach and Oratory Wizard! She is a Public Speaking Coach and Self Management Strategist helping individuals and teams in the Caribbean and North America to achieve more in their personal and professional lives. She holds Certification from UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Centre in the Science of Happiness and works passionately to help improve workplace wellness and personal productivity. For trainings, workshops and seminar bookings email?[email protected]