Aversion to Compliments

Friend: Hey, your hair looks great today.

Me (overthinking): Really? No one's ever mentioned it before. Is this sarcasm? Should I just say "thank you"? But will that seem arrogant?

Me: How are you doing?

Friend: Um, fine, I guess.

Friend (thinking): Was the compliment inappropriate? Oh well.

Compliments – what are they? They're simple expressions of praise, appreciation, or admiration towards someone or something. Yet, we often encounter people (sometimes even ourselves)?who are, inadvertently, awkward in accepting them.?

As American philosopher and psychologist William James once said, "The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated."?

Humans seek validation through praise, appreciation, and kind gestures, which make us feel valued, cherished, and connected. Although we may find it awkward to acknowledge this craving, we feel disheartened when it goes unrecognized.

Do we understand the involuntary changes our bodies and minds undergo when we hear kind words directed towards us? It triggers the release of "feel-good hormones":

• Endorphins – the happiness hormones – that are associated with feeling enchantment.
• Dopamine, which is produced when we feel satisfied, resulting in feeling happy, excited and stimulated.
• Oxytocin, which is linked to relationships and helps us to build bonds with other human beings.

Nevertheless, some outrightly reject appreciation. There could be various reasons for this behavior, let’s look at a few of them:

• Conditioning: Some are made to believe that giving is more important than receiving.
• Low self-esteem: Lack of positive reinforcement can make people doubt compliments.
• Performance pressure: Accepting praise can create pressure to maintain or exceed previous performance levels, leading to anxiety.
• Defense mechanism: Denial is a common defense mechanism to avoid uncomfortable situations.

We might relate to one or more of these reasons. We may think that not accepting compliments doesn't affect others, as? this is something we do to ourselves. But here’s the thing: it does!!

An important element somewhere missed is, opening ourselves to positive feedback strengthens relationships.There will, perpetually, appear a barrier, a wall, causing individuals to feel confined. Restricting others from celebrating us can create barriers and hinder relationship growth.?

When we link positive words with feelings of anxiety, pain, insecurity, or any negative emotion, we not only restrict our own emotional range but also hinder our ability to form deep and meaningful connections with others.

Moreover, rejecting compliments subtly rejects the love of the other person, leaving them bewildered. We end up hurting people even theough we don't intend to. Hence, let's address the root cause and take small steps towards "receiving what we deserve". This could start with:

• Believing in ourselves.
• Changing our self-talk.
• Appreciating our efforts and hard work.
• Simply saying "thank you" with a smile.

Although it may be uncomfortable at first, it's worth the effort. Ultimately, denying compliments denies ourselves happiness.

To those encountering individuals with aversions to compliments:

• Understand that they need support.
• Your kindness, even if unacknowledged, makes a difference.
• Every compliment given helps break down the walls they've built.

Let's live life fully by opening ourselves to positive feelings and words. Everyone deserves kindness in every form, big or small. Let's appreciate fully and accept wholeheartedly.

Sharing our personal journeys of becoming comfortable with accepting compliments can inspire others on their own path to self-acceptance and confidence. Remember, if you ever feel like there's a wall too thick to break, know that you're not alone. Reach out for support and together, we can overcome any obstacle! Let's start a conversation and support each other in embracing the beauty of appreciation!