Autism, Logical Fallacies, and Why I Think You're Lying to Me

When you live with autism, the world can feel like a maze of confusing social signals and unspoken rules. One of the most challenging aspects is navigating conversations, especially when people don’t answer questions in a straightforward manner. This often leads me to a place where I might believe that someone is lying to me, even if that's not their intention.

Let me explain why.

The Literal World of Autism

For many autistic individuals, including myself, communication is often taken at face value. We tend to interpret words literally and expect others to do the same. If I ask a question, I’m seeking a direct and honest answer. When the response is anything but clear-cut, my mind starts to whirl. I might wonder why someone would avoid a direct answer. What are they hiding?

The Problem with Best Guesses

One common situation where this issue arises is when people don't know the answer to a question. Instead of simply saying, "I don't know," they might offer their best guess. From their perspective, this seems helpful. They’re trying to provide some information rather than leaving me with nothing.

However, for me, this feels like a deception.

I asked a specific question and expected a factual response.

A guess, no matter how well-intentioned, isn't the same as a truthful answer. It muddies the waters and makes me question the reliability of everything else they say, or might have told me before.

The Trap of Logical Fallacies

Another layer to this problem is the presence of logical fallacies in everyday conversation.

Logical fallacies are errors in reasoning that undermine the logic of an argument.

Common examples include ad-hominem attacks, where someone attacks the person instead of the argument, or straw-man arguments, where someone misrepresents an argument to make it easier to attack.

For someone with autism, these fallacies can be incredibly frustrating. When someone uses a logical fallacy, it feels like they are deliberately avoiding the truth.

This can reinforce my suspicion that they are lying. If their argument doesn’t follow a logical pattern, I can struggle to trust their intentions or the validity of their statements.

The Impact on Relationships

This tendency to view non-literal responses and logical fallacies as lies can be a strain on relationships. Friends and family might not understand why I react so strongly to what they see as normal conversational habits. They might feel hurt or offended when I'm taking a moment to rationalise the likelihood of them not telling the truth, not realising that my need for direct communication is a fundamental part of how I understand the world.

Finding a Path Forward

I spoke to my coach about this and exhausted myself with wishes that others would just speak honestly and lamented in frustration briefly, when I was told, "you can't change everybody".

Can you change everybody? ??

So, how do we bridge this gap?

1. Clear Communication: If you don’t know the answer to a question, please just say, “I don’t know.” It’s okay not to have all the answers, and it’s far more helpful than a guess.
2. Avoiding Logical Fallacies: Try to be aware of logical fallacies in your arguments. Stick to the facts and present them clearly. This builds trust and makes it easier for me to follow your reasoning.
3. Patience and Understanding: Recognise that my need for literal answers isn’t about doubting your honesty but about seeking clarity. Your patience and willingness to adapt can make a big difference in how I perceive our conversations.

Living with autism means navigating a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable. Clear, direct communication helps create a sense of stability and trust. By understanding my perspective and adapting your communication style, you can help me feel more secure and less suspicious ??.

Thank you for understanding.

Love lots,

Liam

Inspired by: Kanan Tekchandani | https://www.aspiecoach.com/