Authenticity in the Workplace

Being yourself is difficult given society’s pressure to fit in and to be accepted. We feel the need to be a certain way in order to belong in our organisation’s culture or our management team. It’s great to feel accepted and to be included in the team dynamic but it should never happen at the expense of our authenticity. To me, being authentic means a number of things.

1.      Being authentic means being honest with myself

I don’t volunteer for roles that would not be a natural fit for my personality. I’m not a natural sales person and I could not apply for a sales post. I know there is a whole discussion about the fact that we are all selling ourselves and our brand, but the truth is it’s not so comfortable for me.

The way I sell my books and my speaking engagements matches my personality. I build networks and relationships and I look for opportunities where my message is a natural fit. For me, that feels authentic. Chasing sales targets in an organisation would simply not work for my personality.

2.      Being authentic means being in alignment

It’s a very difficult thing to gain alignment in our thoughts, words, deeds and our moral compass at all times. It’s even more difficult to get it right in the work environment. Speaking the truth and being honest about conflicts in the office or an ethical infringement we observed, is not easy. We can very quickly become unpopular for being a whistle blower in situations like this.

In one occasion early in my career, I spoke up about unethical practices of my manager and it didn’t end well for me. So, we can receive the feedback from the environment that it’s best to stay quiet or to look the other way. That doesn’t really sit well with me and is a clash of my values. I cannot work in an environment where my values are not aligned to the organisation’s values. I don’t believe it’s sustainable for anyone to work this way in the long term.

3.      Being authentic means practicing self-compassion

Many people have negative self-talk and I’m personally working on shifting mine to be more positive. I’m trying to be kinder to myself and I’m working on the skill of self-compassion. I’m doing Kristin Neff’s self-compassion exercises and meditations on her website (www.self-compassion.com) in order to manage my stress and to improve my happiness level.

I was probably like many others in the workplace in the past, in berating myself and pushing myself beyond breaking point. I had a lot of difficulty accepting mistakes, that are often a source of learning and an opportunity to grow. I had trouble forgiving myself for things I regret and I’m learning how to do that for my own benefit and for those around me. I’m a lot nicer as a person if I accept and love myself. Punishing yourself is not useful and I don’t want to do that anymore, even if it means I’m perceived to be weird.

4.      Being authentic means knowing your strengths

I was offered an opportunity at work once that sounded impressive on the resume but would not be in alignment with my strengths. I passed it up as I knew I would not be happy and because of that, would probably not do the role justice. On another occasion, I worked against my strengths for a long time, in a stressful environment and it created great stress and resultant health issues.

I’ve learnt that it’s best to work within your strengths and I’ve found interesting research that shows what happens when we don’t. Dr Arlene Taylor did a study which followed people for eleven years. The people who worked outside their strengths developed serious health complaints such as cardio vascular issues and endocrine disruption. Dr Taylor coined this phenomenon PASS for Prolonged Adaptive Stress Syndrome. For me, this has been one of my biggest life lessons and I’m now passionate about working in alignment with my strengths to preserve my health and my happiness.

Fitting in vs. belonging

Brené Brown wrote “Fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” It’s a beautiful reminder for us to love and accept ourselves first, without worrying about how we will be received. To me, it’s obvious when someone is inauthentic, and it is difficult to trust them. I’d rather risk being myself and being ostracized for it, than being inauthentic, because love and acceptance comes from the inside first.